(no subject)
I guess this will be my first 'dark and twisty' post in a while.
I don't know what do anymore. I don't know if I have ever been so lost as I am right now. I don't know what kind of person I am becoming. I don't know if I am changing for the better or the worse. I just don't know anything anymore. I used to know my future, I used to be able to accomplish anything with such ease. Now it just seems like everything is becoming so hard. Everyting I try to do is like wading upstream through a flooding river. When did everything become so difficult? Or when did I become so weak? Is my perseverance starting to wane? Whats happening to me? I don't want to be a failure. I want to be a success. I want to be able to obtain all of my desires. But everytime I grasp one I lose hold of another? I'm changing, I can see it, it's obvious to me. I can't even hold tears back anymore. Even when I try, my tears begin to leak out through the corners of my eyes. I feel worthless. I don't have an impact on anyone. Sure there are a lot of people who like me, but have I changed them? Can anyone of my friends actually say that I've influenced them to better themselves, or am I only one of those friends who is there when needed. A shoulder to cry on and that is all? I mean I like to be that, don't get me wrong but I want to be something more. I want people to look back at their lives and to be able to say that they would not be the person they are if they had not met me. I don't know. I want to be important. I want to be more than what I've always considered myself to be.
I don't know what do anymore. I don't know if I have ever been so lost as I am right now. I don't know what kind of person I am becoming. I don't know if I am changing for the better or the worse. I just don't know anything anymore. I used to know my future, I used to be able to accomplish anything with such ease. Now it just seems like everything is becoming so hard. Everyting I try to do is like wading upstream through a flooding river. When did everything become so difficult? Or when did I become so weak? Is my perseverance starting to wane? Whats happening to me? I don't want to be a failure. I want to be a success. I want to be able to obtain all of my desires. But everytime I grasp one I lose hold of another? I'm changing, I can see it, it's obvious to me. I can't even hold tears back anymore. Even when I try, my tears begin to leak out through the corners of my eyes. I feel worthless. I don't have an impact on anyone. Sure there are a lot of people who like me, but have I changed them? Can anyone of my friends actually say that I've influenced them to better themselves, or am I only one of those friends who is there when needed. A shoulder to cry on and that is all? I mean I like to be that, don't get me wrong but I want to be something more. I want people to look back at their lives and to be able to say that they would not be the person they are if they had not met me. I don't know. I want to be important. I want to be more than what I've always considered myself to be.