Wow
Sometimes I just cannot believe that my life is what it is. I look at it and am amazed to see that what keeps it together is just Elmer's glue, the ever handy Duck Tape and a bunch of energy. Today I feel like my energy is almost spent. Being in a a good mood is beginning to take its toll on me. I feel as though I can barely manage right now to do anything.
It is strange though, earlier this summer I would be swamped with the most demure and depressing of thoughs, however now I cannot seem to focus on anything but the positive. That in itself is the main reason so much energy is being taken from me. The other being that I worry about eminent fall. The event that triggers the decline of my attitude which is so transparent at the moment. I have no desire to argue or to even say anything that could end up in an argument. I want things to just work in my favor, just once, without me having to worry about what is going on.
I'm so hopeless
I need more constant interaction than a new born babe. If I am left alone for a certain amount of time I feel as if I've been forgotten and am no longer cared about at all.
READ WHAT I JUST WROTE!
Isn't it strange that I could write something like that and not break down this very instant? I do not know what is wrong with me today. Whether my body and heart finally said "I've had enough!" and so I no longer will let myself be hur. If it is permanent this could be a great thing, but I cannot stop worrying if it is not. If this temporary shield may give out at any moment and leave me utterly defenseless against so many nightmares?
I hope that what I look for happens soon, so that my shield will be replaced by a wall.
It is strange though, earlier this summer I would be swamped with the most demure and depressing of thoughs, however now I cannot seem to focus on anything but the positive. That in itself is the main reason so much energy is being taken from me. The other being that I worry about eminent fall. The event that triggers the decline of my attitude which is so transparent at the moment. I have no desire to argue or to even say anything that could end up in an argument. I want things to just work in my favor, just once, without me having to worry about what is going on.
I'm so hopeless
I need more constant interaction than a new born babe. If I am left alone for a certain amount of time I feel as if I've been forgotten and am no longer cared about at all.
READ WHAT I JUST WROTE!
Isn't it strange that I could write something like that and not break down this very instant? I do not know what is wrong with me today. Whether my body and heart finally said "I've had enough!" and so I no longer will let myself be hur. If it is permanent this could be a great thing, but I cannot stop worrying if it is not. If this temporary shield may give out at any moment and leave me utterly defenseless against so many nightmares?
I hope that what I look for happens soon, so that my shield will be replaced by a wall.