(no subject)
i really dont know all what to say. the last 3 weeks have been the shittiest 3 weeks of my life. first it started off with my car. it ended up in a 2 foot and a 1/2 puddle. water got in my car and shit.ive been through 3 starters, now its at the dealership. then adam left for college for a year. and im no longer with jay anymore. things really couldnt get much better. i almost od'd on tylenol. dumbest move i think ive ever made in my life, and i regret it so much. i was almost at lethal toxic level. the results showed i was 123, and that the norm is 10-20. yeah. im really hurting inside, but in time things will get better. i stayed 2 nights in the hospital, and it made me think about alot of different things. maybe one day jay and i will get back together, maybe we wont. everything happens for a reason. she has my old car, and she got it for cheap, i tryed being the best gf i could be to her, and so time will tell. it is going to take awhile for me to get over this feeling but i just have to keep myself busy and i should be okay. it just sucks. we were together for a year and a half. thats a logn time in my eyes. i know its not 4 years or what not but still, we've been through so much together, and it just hurts. i dont know what to do, im lost.i never loved anybody this much. i hate lying in bed at night waking up the next morning knowing shes not there, or waking up to not having someone to love,to hold.i still love her, but its just not the same. i wish i could change things but i cant. and i still care alot about her, but it would be too awkward to try and be her friend. because i do still love her and care about her.i know people have probably been in this position many times, but for the ones who havent i hope it never happens. its the worst feeling in the world. i guess its because she is younger and i can understand. she wants to go out and have her fun, and still be young. im just so lost now i dont know what to do. i dont know if i should wait around, i really want to but im afraid. i think i really need to find out who i really am and find out what i want in life. and ive been talking to my sister alot here lately, and shes helping me cope through this. im just sorry for anything ive done wrong, and im sorry for any mistakes ive made. i still love you and i still care about you jay and its going to take awhile, but things will get better.:(