Apathy or something like it
It's not that I don't care about anything. But my cares have been simplified. Simplified to the intangible desire to find happiness. "Follow your Bliss", I always say. But what the hell am I talking about any more? I remember my bliss. It was amazing.
I keep wanting to talk to God. It was easier before. Now that I think of He/She/It as everything in my surroundings and all people, I can't focus my thoughts and beleive that anyone is taking them seriously. It was easier when God was a man in the sky, in alot of ways. I liked to imagine that someone was hugging me when I was praying. God didn't really have a face to me, but he had huge arms that were always hugging me.
I don't think that I'm even spiritual anymore. At heart, I know that I am. But somehow I've buried that part of me. I just feel like a cynical bastard whenever I talk about religion anymore. But I never said that I didn't want to be spiritual.
God, I'm thinking too damn much. Thank God my bullshit trips are over and I can act normal again ( which can only be done when I am NOT around my family). Too much alone time can be lethal.
But in other news, I will be nineteen in a few days. In a few hours, actually. Smack me if I'm not having fun.
I keep wanting to talk to God. It was easier before. Now that I think of He/She/It as everything in my surroundings and all people, I can't focus my thoughts and beleive that anyone is taking them seriously. It was easier when God was a man in the sky, in alot of ways. I liked to imagine that someone was hugging me when I was praying. God didn't really have a face to me, but he had huge arms that were always hugging me.
I don't think that I'm even spiritual anymore. At heart, I know that I am. But somehow I've buried that part of me. I just feel like a cynical bastard whenever I talk about religion anymore. But I never said that I didn't want to be spiritual.
God, I'm thinking too damn much. Thank God my bullshit trips are over and I can act normal again ( which can only be done when I am NOT around my family). Too much alone time can be lethal.
But in other news, I will be nineteen in a few days. In a few hours, actually. Smack me if I'm not having fun.