4.1 Greatest fear in a relationship
Patient: Cassie
Fandom: Skins
Word Count: 587
Partner: N/A
One of my greatest fears in a relationship is that the person in question will cheat on me. I’ve had two real boyfriends in my life. There’ve been lots of guys drifting in and out but only two I’d actually consider to have been my boyfriend. The first was James, he was different. Kind of like this messed up idea of the perfect guy that I had in my head had come to life. He was skinny and weird and colourful and better still he liked me, and not just for one night like all the others. He actually called me and asked me out, he didn’t even take advantage of me when I was drunk the night I met him at a party. Now he wasn’t what a lot of people would call perfect, he’d drink too much, take too many pills and generally be self-destructive, but that was always okay because so was I, so am I, We were like two of a kind or something, and it was just easy being with him. It only lasted a couple of months before he got bored and ended up snogging some other girl at a party I wasn’t going to go to because I had plans with Michelle, it was the first thing I saw when we got there. It was the first time I felt my heart break, but it wasn’t the last.
Then there was Sid, that’s all still a bit difficult to talk about actually, because he was my boyfriend when I came here and now he’s not. Now he’s with Michelle. It was different with Sid, he made me want to be a better person and yes I do know how fucking stupid that sounds but it’s true. He caused me so much pain back in the early days but then when he came to find me before I had to move to Scotland it made all that pain worth while. So that was why I tried to be better when I was in Elgin, I wanted to be sane for him and it sort of worked. I stopped taking as many dugs and actually started eating again and I didn’t feel like I wanted to kill myself anymore.
Only then it all went wrong, he saw something he wasn’t meant to and it wasn’t even how he thought but he accused me of cheating on him. The worse thing is I couldn’t really blame him, I was so hurt that he’d think that about me, but when I thought about it later I could sort of see his point. The old Cassie probably would have done that, I don’t exactly have the best self-esteem see? So I used to sleep with anyone because well as I saw it if they wanted to sleep with me they had to find me attractive, right? But I’d never have done that to Sid, I’d wanted him for so long and then I had him and I loved him so much. I still do. Anyway I came back to Bristol to try and fix things and there he was with Michelle. It felt like the world had just fallen away from under me and there was nothing I could do.
So my greatest fear comes true every time I fall in love with someone, which sort of makes me wonder if I should even bother anymore. But I’m still here, right? So I suppose I must have a little bit of hope left mustn’t I?
Fandom: Skins
Word Count: 587
Partner: N/A
One of my greatest fears in a relationship is that the person in question will cheat on me. I’ve had two real boyfriends in my life. There’ve been lots of guys drifting in and out but only two I’d actually consider to have been my boyfriend. The first was James, he was different. Kind of like this messed up idea of the perfect guy that I had in my head had come to life. He was skinny and weird and colourful and better still he liked me, and not just for one night like all the others. He actually called me and asked me out, he didn’t even take advantage of me when I was drunk the night I met him at a party. Now he wasn’t what a lot of people would call perfect, he’d drink too much, take too many pills and generally be self-destructive, but that was always okay because so was I, so am I, We were like two of a kind or something, and it was just easy being with him. It only lasted a couple of months before he got bored and ended up snogging some other girl at a party I wasn’t going to go to because I had plans with Michelle, it was the first thing I saw when we got there. It was the first time I felt my heart break, but it wasn’t the last.
Then there was Sid, that’s all still a bit difficult to talk about actually, because he was my boyfriend when I came here and now he’s not. Now he’s with Michelle. It was different with Sid, he made me want to be a better person and yes I do know how fucking stupid that sounds but it’s true. He caused me so much pain back in the early days but then when he came to find me before I had to move to Scotland it made all that pain worth while. So that was why I tried to be better when I was in Elgin, I wanted to be sane for him and it sort of worked. I stopped taking as many dugs and actually started eating again and I didn’t feel like I wanted to kill myself anymore.
Only then it all went wrong, he saw something he wasn’t meant to and it wasn’t even how he thought but he accused me of cheating on him. The worse thing is I couldn’t really blame him, I was so hurt that he’d think that about me, but when I thought about it later I could sort of see his point. The old Cassie probably would have done that, I don’t exactly have the best self-esteem see? So I used to sleep with anyone because well as I saw it if they wanted to sleep with me they had to find me attractive, right? But I’d never have done that to Sid, I’d wanted him for so long and then I had him and I loved him so much. I still do. Anyway I came back to Bristol to try and fix things and there he was with Michelle. It felt like the world had just fallen away from under me and there was nothing I could do.
So my greatest fear comes true every time I fall in love with someone, which sort of makes me wonder if I should even bother anymore. But I’m still here, right? So I suppose I must have a little bit of hope left mustn’t I?