[Couples Therapy] 14.5 - Lots of Ways to Say I Love You
“Does it bother you?”
“No. Yes. Maybe...I don’t know!”
Dr. Love glanced up from her notes with a raised eyebrow. “Well, what’s the norm for you?”
“Huh?”
“How long do you usually wait before sleeping with your partners?”
She knew it was totally two years old of her, but her cheeks flamed with shame and she could hardly keep her head up. So, like the immature adult she was, she lowered her gaze to stare at her hands and said absolutely nothing.
“Rian?....Rian...”
“I’m trying to figure out how to answer that without sounding like a complete nympho skank whore.”
There was a long pause, in which she reached a new low of mortification. “You’ve never been in a relationship where you waited before having sex...for any duration?”
“Does the second date count?” she asked meekly, finally lifting her gaze. “Look, I’m a tramp, okay? But to be fair, I’ve only ever been in, like, two relationships, and Randy is numero dos.”
“Do you feel compelled to sleep with him?”
She fell silent again...only this time, she was actually thinking about the question. “I do...and I think that’s why it’s a little easier than I thought to wait. I mean...I’m sorta realizing that I want to sleep with him because it’s what I do and all that. At the same time, though...it’s frustrating.”
“Why?”
“Because...I love him.”
“And...”
“And...I don’t know.” she huffed, flopping back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. “It ends there, and I can’t really put my finger on it. I just...Randy’s amazing. And he makes me feel amazing, and...I...love him. I want to show him I love him--”
“Do you feel that’s the only way?”
“What?”
“Sex...do you feel like that’s the only way you can really show him you love him?”
“I...” She trailed off, drawing a deep breath as she tried to talk it out. “Maybe? I mean...it’s all I ever did growing up. Carefully, mind you, but yeah, I was a great big little whore. And the one other relationship I was in, I slept with him on...first or second date. I don’t even remember very well. And sex was one of the biggest parts of our relationship.”
When she fell silent again, Dr. Love made a vague motion for her to continue. Encouraged, Rian shrugged. “Since I met Randy...I’ve felt it from the first second. That he cared...he’s never done anything but kiss me, and I’ve felt it. But...it’s taken this long for me to know it. And now that I know I feel it, too...”
She paused, resigning herself to the truth before she could bring herself to speak it. Getting it out took almost a minute and a half, during which Dr. Love, blessedly, didn’t push her.
“There’s a lot of ways to say ‘I love you,’ and fucking is the fastest. And I don’t feel like I have enough time to wait...to show him slowly. I feel like...if I don’t show him now, he’ll leave me. Just like everyone else has.”
Just saying it out loud was exhausting and uncomfortable. Her skin didn’t fit, the couch was suddenly too soft, too smothering. Dr. Love spoke, though, and kept her from squirming too long.
“If you know that’s true...you can overcome it, Rian. We’ve been down this road before.”
She nodded, toeing off her sandals and tucking her legs up beneath her on the couch. “Daddy issues, thy name is Rian Baxter. You’re getting used to hearing that, Doc, I so know it. Okay...analyze me a millionth time. Exorcize the demon so I can be happy already.”
“Would that it were so easy, Rian...but since it’s come up again, let’s revisit, shall we?”
Squaring her shoulders with a small, rueful grin, Rian nodded. “Okay...lead on, Dr. Macduff.”
Muse: Rian Baxter
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 674
Parnter: Randy Bosch (wolfwithaguitar)
[COMMENT HERE]
“No. Yes. Maybe...I don’t know!”
Dr. Love glanced up from her notes with a raised eyebrow. “Well, what’s the norm for you?”
“Huh?”
“How long do you usually wait before sleeping with your partners?”
She knew it was totally two years old of her, but her cheeks flamed with shame and she could hardly keep her head up. So, like the immature adult she was, she lowered her gaze to stare at her hands and said absolutely nothing.
“Rian?....Rian...”
“I’m trying to figure out how to answer that without sounding like a complete nympho skank whore.”
There was a long pause, in which she reached a new low of mortification. “You’ve never been in a relationship where you waited before having sex...for any duration?”
“Does the second date count?” she asked meekly, finally lifting her gaze. “Look, I’m a tramp, okay? But to be fair, I’ve only ever been in, like, two relationships, and Randy is numero dos.”
“Do you feel compelled to sleep with him?”
She fell silent again...only this time, she was actually thinking about the question. “I do...and I think that’s why it’s a little easier than I thought to wait. I mean...I’m sorta realizing that I want to sleep with him because it’s what I do and all that. At the same time, though...it’s frustrating.”
“Why?”
“Because...I love him.”
“And...”
“And...I don’t know.” she huffed, flopping back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling. “It ends there, and I can’t really put my finger on it. I just...Randy’s amazing. And he makes me feel amazing, and...I...love him. I want to show him I love him--”
“Do you feel that’s the only way?”
“What?”
“Sex...do you feel like that’s the only way you can really show him you love him?”
“I...” She trailed off, drawing a deep breath as she tried to talk it out. “Maybe? I mean...it’s all I ever did growing up. Carefully, mind you, but yeah, I was a great big little whore. And the one other relationship I was in, I slept with him on...first or second date. I don’t even remember very well. And sex was one of the biggest parts of our relationship.”
When she fell silent again, Dr. Love made a vague motion for her to continue. Encouraged, Rian shrugged. “Since I met Randy...I’ve felt it from the first second. That he cared...he’s never done anything but kiss me, and I’ve felt it. But...it’s taken this long for me to know it. And now that I know I feel it, too...”
She paused, resigning herself to the truth before she could bring herself to speak it. Getting it out took almost a minute and a half, during which Dr. Love, blessedly, didn’t push her.
“There’s a lot of ways to say ‘I love you,’ and fucking is the fastest. And I don’t feel like I have enough time to wait...to show him slowly. I feel like...if I don’t show him now, he’ll leave me. Just like everyone else has.”
Just saying it out loud was exhausting and uncomfortable. Her skin didn’t fit, the couch was suddenly too soft, too smothering. Dr. Love spoke, though, and kept her from squirming too long.
“If you know that’s true...you can overcome it, Rian. We’ve been down this road before.”
She nodded, toeing off her sandals and tucking her legs up beneath her on the couch. “Daddy issues, thy name is Rian Baxter. You’re getting used to hearing that, Doc, I so know it. Okay...analyze me a millionth time. Exorcize the demon so I can be happy already.”
“Would that it were so easy, Rian...but since it’s come up again, let’s revisit, shall we?”
Squaring her shoulders with a small, rueful grin, Rian nodded. “Okay...lead on, Dr. Macduff.”
Muse: Rian Baxter
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 674
Parnter: Randy Bosch (wolfwithaguitar)
[COMMENT HERE]