(no subject)
these songs play over and over in my head that make life all worth while. as i watch you die in every word that comes out of these speakers. it's my healing process. and you'll be completely earsed. okay. maybe i'm lying just a little bit, cause you can never earse anything completely. so concider yourself lucky. i'm more awake then i've ever been, and i feel like a brand new person. every lyric somehow reminds me of you. i saw you today. in my mind. those eyes they took me away. but i had to just keep going. and i was content. a bullet to the head wouldn't be so bad. but it makes me feel alive. cause no one will love you like i did. and that goes for all of you. the ones that lied. the ones that cheated. the ones who didn't give a shit. and my favorite, the one who kicked the shit out of me and i took it. i'm smarter now; and i have enough sense to walk away from the beating of your fucking hand. i was every thing you wanted. but you lost me. and i'll be the best thing that i ever happened to you. but i could be the worst. and your addicted to me. you need me more then anything. forget everything i said that ever made you feel worthy cause when i see you; sometimes i can't believe i even knew you. your such a mystery to me. i don't care enough to solve you. please. you think i would fall for your shit this time? i think not. and i'm going back and fourth with you both in my head, which is why this doesn't make any sense. but sometimes i just break down and cry because i can't believe you can do this to me time and time again. i wish on every star, and every moonlit sky that i'll find someone who won't leave me. it seems almost impossible. i've been pissing you off on purpose and you fall right into my trap like a little mouse trying to find the hole that's already been patched up. your a fucking idiot. i'm not tired of the games because you haven't caught on. and you don't deserve it. she doesn't deserve you. but your not as smart as i thought you were. your proving it as each day goes on. and she's right. it's not my place, it's not my place. i'm just an outsider looking in. can i take a swing? it might take out this anger, and put you in a better state of mind, maybe you'll love me then. and i don't miss those nights doing the same damn thing just to make you happy, and you took me for granted. i hope you miss me. God knows i don't miss you one bit. your a distant memory. last lover. but i've got friends to help me out. so getting over you wasn't as difficult as i thought it would be. music blasting and i can't think. i'm breathing in every word. i love it. i'm relaxed for the first time in months. don't take away this state of mind by opening your mouth. and crushing my insides. i left the knife under my pillow. its covered in your blood and i love the thrill of knowing you could be dead in my mind. but i know my words are death. and i'll keep writing. if i could do it all again. i'd touch you in places you never thought i would. the feelings for me haunt you. i won't make it any easier. i never have. have you noticed my attitude? it's for a good cause. it's for me; not you. cause my anger hides my jealousy. it's easier to be pissed then sad. and i've cried enough. but your doing good. leaving me be. i kind of like it now. your under her fucking spell. and it's sick. she doesn't care about you. look at how she treats you. drink up. cause she doesn't fucking love you. numb the pain. and she'll drop you, just like that. your fucking lame. this music is my healing. and she doesn't fucking care. she doesn't fucking love you. i'll be your favorite song. YOU THINK THIS IS ABOUT YOU. KEEP DREAMING BOY, KEEP DREAMING.