And I don't want to slide into apathy
I fear my depression is returning. It's not too bad yet, but I'm scared it might get there. I don't know how to stop it. Quitting my job seems like a good idea, but I'm not 100% sure if it'll help, or if it'll just make me broke. One thing I know is that it's worst on the nights before I go to work, and while I'm there. All the time it's
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And you have lots of useful things to say! You're especially right about the unstructured time thing. Routine is my friend. I like the idea of a volunteer job too. I wouldn't feel all flaily and useless by doing nothing, and I wouldn't feel all flaily and hopeless about not having an income if I didn't like it and needed to stop it. And it would prevent a black hole from forming on my resume, too.
My centrelink options are basically nil since they're of the opinion that Mark should pay for me. Stupid de facto relationship laws. Doesn't seem to matter if I've always paid my own way before, just by living with somebody you're dating you basically waive any right to your own income. Luckily, he is happy to look after me until I've finished my dissertation and/or found a less sucky job. I'm not sure I'm as happy about that because I like being able to look after myself financially, but if being a kept woman is the trade-off for preventing full-scale depression I suppose it'll be worth it.
I'm doing better at remembering that it's okay to be 'selfish' and look after myself, and to sometimes need looking after, but I do still struggle to balance that with putting on my Big Girl Panties and dealing with life like a grown up. I guess I need to accept that sometimes it's not going to be possible to do everything for myself, while still doing what I can. Then, if I could just figure out which things I can do and which things I can't, I'd be set!
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