Life.
Don't get me wrong, since the whole almost divorce thing, he has actually been pretty good. But... I am still unemployed and bored out of my mind.
I have reconnected with some "true" friends I had while living in Iowa. As much as I despise Iowa, I am really missing my friends. Plus, I have a couple jobs waiting for me there. Sure, they don't pay what I made here, but yeah, price of living there as opposed to here, I could totally make it. Plus I'd be closer to my 2 older girls. Then I'd have a bigger say in their life decisions. Especially with my oldest. She is a BEAUTIFUL girl that has gotten her mind fucked up by certain men in her life. Men that take away her self confidence and self worth. So much that she thinks that showing off her boobies is a good career move. Her father isn't taking interest in her career choice, either is her grandmother that drives her to "work". When she lived with me, she got the proper educational help she needed. When she lived with me, she knew she was worth something. She got the proper psychiatric help she needed. When she went to live with her biological father, all she got was hatred and total control. He made her think she was stupid. Not following through with the extra help she needed in school. Not following through with the psychological help she needed after what happened to her. Now, she thinks that what her current man says is gold. I do NOT like her current man because of what he has been making her do.
But how do I tell my husband of 3 years that is trying so hard to make things good that I need to be closer to them??? If I said I wanted to move back, he'd do it in a heartbeat. But... he has 2 kids here that I don't really want to pull him away from. One he sees whenever he wants, the other he sees when she wants him to, but it's been over a year. She wants all the money and benefits, yet she refuses visitation. But we can't afford an attorney because all the money goes to her. Again, *sigh*.
Long story short, I'm finally happy, yet I'm not. Because of my 2 older girls and my worrying about them. My 2nd oldest is doing so well and is going to school, yet the man she is dating takes all her money because he doesn't work. Both girls are under the delusion that their "man" takes care of them, yet neither one of them work. Guess it's partly my fault because I stayed with their father that did the same thing with me for so long.
Guess it's my fault for not having the money to fight their decision to go back to Iowa with their fuck up of a father.
I will DIE before I let my Emily go with her dad. Other people will kill to protect her from her father. Those of you that are close enough to me to know about her father will understand why. Emily is a straight A student on the high honor roll. I must be doing something right with her. Yeah, this may sound lame, but I thank my husband for that. She is in the advanced math class. She's doing like senior high school level math and getting an A. Not because of me, but because of him explaining it to her so she understands. She will tell you the same thing. Without Chris, she'd be lost at math.
I despise the thought of living in Iowa again, but I really want to go back for my girls. They need me. He knows that and would do it for me. But... Iowa offers me nothing work wise. Iowa only offers me the chance to help my 2 older girls. I have offered both of them the chance to stay with me. But they both won't. Because of their ghetto boyfriends that make them feel worthless. So... I feel the need to move back and show them how shit should be. They work, therefore their men should work. Don't spend your Christmas money on your boyfriend. It wasn't meant for them. It was meant for you. My husband was disgusted to learn that every cent given to them was not spent on them.
So, my husband may have drank too much in the past and fucked things up. He has been making it up ever since. Sober sex is the SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, kiddos. What do I do? Do I stay here where there is no work for me at the moment, or do I beg him to move to Iowa until the economy recovers? I REALLY don't want to leave Chicago because I love it so much, but.....
Sorry for ranting.
<3
Amy
I have reconnected with some "true" friends I had while living in Iowa. As much as I despise Iowa, I am really missing my friends. Plus, I have a couple jobs waiting for me there. Sure, they don't pay what I made here, but yeah, price of living there as opposed to here, I could totally make it. Plus I'd be closer to my 2 older girls. Then I'd have a bigger say in their life decisions. Especially with my oldest. She is a BEAUTIFUL girl that has gotten her mind fucked up by certain men in her life. Men that take away her self confidence and self worth. So much that she thinks that showing off her boobies is a good career move. Her father isn't taking interest in her career choice, either is her grandmother that drives her to "work". When she lived with me, she got the proper educational help she needed. When she lived with me, she knew she was worth something. She got the proper psychiatric help she needed. When she went to live with her biological father, all she got was hatred and total control. He made her think she was stupid. Not following through with the extra help she needed in school. Not following through with the psychological help she needed after what happened to her. Now, she thinks that what her current man says is gold. I do NOT like her current man because of what he has been making her do.
But how do I tell my husband of 3 years that is trying so hard to make things good that I need to be closer to them??? If I said I wanted to move back, he'd do it in a heartbeat. But... he has 2 kids here that I don't really want to pull him away from. One he sees whenever he wants, the other he sees when she wants him to, but it's been over a year. She wants all the money and benefits, yet she refuses visitation. But we can't afford an attorney because all the money goes to her. Again, *sigh*.
Long story short, I'm finally happy, yet I'm not. Because of my 2 older girls and my worrying about them. My 2nd oldest is doing so well and is going to school, yet the man she is dating takes all her money because he doesn't work. Both girls are under the delusion that their "man" takes care of them, yet neither one of them work. Guess it's partly my fault because I stayed with their father that did the same thing with me for so long.
Guess it's my fault for not having the money to fight their decision to go back to Iowa with their fuck up of a father.
I will DIE before I let my Emily go with her dad. Other people will kill to protect her from her father. Those of you that are close enough to me to know about her father will understand why. Emily is a straight A student on the high honor roll. I must be doing something right with her. Yeah, this may sound lame, but I thank my husband for that. She is in the advanced math class. She's doing like senior high school level math and getting an A. Not because of me, but because of him explaining it to her so she understands. She will tell you the same thing. Without Chris, she'd be lost at math.
I despise the thought of living in Iowa again, but I really want to go back for my girls. They need me. He knows that and would do it for me. But... Iowa offers me nothing work wise. Iowa only offers me the chance to help my 2 older girls. I have offered both of them the chance to stay with me. But they both won't. Because of their ghetto boyfriends that make them feel worthless. So... I feel the need to move back and show them how shit should be. They work, therefore their men should work. Don't spend your Christmas money on your boyfriend. It wasn't meant for them. It was meant for you. My husband was disgusted to learn that every cent given to them was not spent on them.
So, my husband may have drank too much in the past and fucked things up. He has been making it up ever since. Sober sex is the SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, kiddos. What do I do? Do I stay here where there is no work for me at the moment, or do I beg him to move to Iowa until the economy recovers? I REALLY don't want to leave Chicago because I love it so much, but.....
Sorry for ranting.
<3
Amy