Moar Like A Weedy Vacant Lot, Amirite?
A quick look at the GOP field for 2016:
Mitch Daniels: reasonable governor, able to compromise, takes idea of policy seriously. Downsides: middle-of-the-conservative-road, deathly boring, doesn’t want the job.
Condoleezza Rice: popular, reasonably articulate, superbly erudite, can claim executive national security experience. Downsides: unimaginative, foreign policy and national security experience were abject failures as policy, doesn’t want the job.
Ted Cruz: smart, gets that policy can make a difference in people’s lives, popular in Texas, which is a lot of electoral votes, dad thinks God has chosen him to be President. Downsides: only wants to use policy to make people’s lives worse, only popular in Texas, would need to walk back ¾ of the things he’s ever said to make himself viable nationally.
Mitt Romney: reasonable governor, able to compromise, takes idea of policy seriously, already got nearly half of the nation to vote for him. Downsides: did not get the other half of the nation to vote for him, never will.
Newt Gingrich: gets the joke, sees the job as a fantastic money-laundering-I mean fundraising-opportunity for himself. Downsides: has no policy other than to get rich and settle Christians on the moon with him as their kleptocrat, is a joke and a national disgrace.
Herb Cain: has no upside. Downsides: can get neither blowjobs nor votes from 53% of the electorate, even as explicit quid pro quo for gainful employment.
John McCain: can compromise, long history of center-right policy choices, was re-elected to Senate when he lost election to Presidency. Downsides: seen (incorrectly) as too old to govern, lost in 2000 to President Bush for the same reason he’d lose again in 2016: the evangelical right hates him for being a compromising center-right politician who is more serious about governing than winning culture wars.
Rick Santorum: very popular with the Christian right, including Evangelical Protestants, even though he is Catholic; solid voting base. Downsides: the Christian right is less than 30% of the voting public, everyone else thinks he is an obnoxious busybody who should let other people worry about who they have sex with.
Michele Bachmann: is a national laughingstock. Downsides: is a federally-indicted national laughingstock, may spend the election in the stocks.
The Donald: has a buttload of money. Downsides: is a national laughingstock, seems unaware that he is a national laughingstock, is barely qualified to pick his own nose without assistance.
Chris Christie: can compromise, reasonable governor, takes policy seriously, is not a religious wackaloon. Downsides: is quite probably corrupt, may spend the national election being impeached from his state job.
Who would you pick to add to this illustrious list? Keep in mind, whoever it is stands a roughly 50% chance of winning, so choose wisely.
Mitch Daniels: reasonable governor, able to compromise, takes idea of policy seriously. Downsides: middle-of-the-conservative-road, deathly boring, doesn’t want the job.
Condoleezza Rice: popular, reasonably articulate, superbly erudite, can claim executive national security experience. Downsides: unimaginative, foreign policy and national security experience were abject failures as policy, doesn’t want the job.
Ted Cruz: smart, gets that policy can make a difference in people’s lives, popular in Texas, which is a lot of electoral votes, dad thinks God has chosen him to be President. Downsides: only wants to use policy to make people’s lives worse, only popular in Texas, would need to walk back ¾ of the things he’s ever said to make himself viable nationally.
Mitt Romney: reasonable governor, able to compromise, takes idea of policy seriously, already got nearly half of the nation to vote for him. Downsides: did not get the other half of the nation to vote for him, never will.
Newt Gingrich: gets the joke, sees the job as a fantastic money-laundering-I mean fundraising-opportunity for himself. Downsides: has no policy other than to get rich and settle Christians on the moon with him as their kleptocrat, is a joke and a national disgrace.
Herb Cain: has no upside. Downsides: can get neither blowjobs nor votes from 53% of the electorate, even as explicit quid pro quo for gainful employment.
John McCain: can compromise, long history of center-right policy choices, was re-elected to Senate when he lost election to Presidency. Downsides: seen (incorrectly) as too old to govern, lost in 2000 to President Bush for the same reason he’d lose again in 2016: the evangelical right hates him for being a compromising center-right politician who is more serious about governing than winning culture wars.
Rick Santorum: very popular with the Christian right, including Evangelical Protestants, even though he is Catholic; solid voting base. Downsides: the Christian right is less than 30% of the voting public, everyone else thinks he is an obnoxious busybody who should let other people worry about who they have sex with.
Michele Bachmann: is a national laughingstock. Downsides: is a federally-indicted national laughingstock, may spend the election in the stocks.
The Donald: has a buttload of money. Downsides: is a national laughingstock, seems unaware that he is a national laughingstock, is barely qualified to pick his own nose without assistance.
Chris Christie: can compromise, reasonable governor, takes policy seriously, is not a religious wackaloon. Downsides: is quite probably corrupt, may spend the national election being impeached from his state job.
Who would you pick to add to this illustrious list? Keep in mind, whoever it is stands a roughly 50% chance of winning, so choose wisely.