(no subject)
I just called two of my three closest friends from my freshman year for their birthdays. Ours are so close to each other and we always call and wish the other ones a good day and everything. And this year the calls were really weird because they were really forced and strange. Usually when it gets like that I just let it go and don't think about the person ever again, but for some reason I can't do that with them. When I went to college I felt taken advantage of by all of my friends from home and I ended up gaining these four people who turned out to be actual friends. And basically I haven't had many people in my life like that since. I'm just currently so far out of touch with them and their lives that it's too much to catch up with in a 2 minute phone conversation. Last winter we all got together, drove all the way to New Hampshire, and I was so caught up in the silly things in my life that I insisted on staying only one night, just a few hours of daylight, and I think since then they've just given up on me as a friend. All I ever seem to see is myself and my own feelings and allow those things to totally eclipse the needs of the people around me, and then I end up sitting by myself. Any way, that was a sad little reminder. If I see them this year I am going to be much better. I'm going to be better with everyone. You must love to be loved. blahblahblhalh.