(no subject)
i can't figure out what i want from life.
i used to want to change the world,
now i rarely leave the house.
i've been a shitty person, pretty much. a shitty friend.
i'm taking phentermine, so i hardly sleep or eat.
but i'm not even taking them to lose weight, really.
the energy to deal with work and school HAS to come from somewhere.
and i started smoking again
i've been so edgy without food or sleep
not to mention all the other crap i put in my body.
i'm not healthy. i'm not happy.
i definitely do not know what to do about it.
it should be easy to just not take anything and eat like a normal person.
and it is until monday morning when i have to go back to ringing phones and irate customers and crying babies and catering orders and whiny employees and demanding bosses.
who all seem to think i am some sort of super hero and i haven't let them down yet.
school is another issue completely.
i want to go, i AM going. it's just hard knowing that i am so far behind.
how does three and a half years of higher education get wasted?
it hasn't all been a complete failure. i just used to want so much more for myself.
i know i am smart and capable enough to live a happy, successful life.
i'm not lazy, i don't think. distracted? maybe. i will be twenty-two soon.
22!
i should be getting ready to graduate
instead i am getting ready to start over for the THIRD time.
what in the hell is wrong with me?
i'm not sure i even care anymore.
like livejournaling can really solve any of this.
ha
i used to want to change the world,
now i rarely leave the house.
i've been a shitty person, pretty much. a shitty friend.
i'm taking phentermine, so i hardly sleep or eat.
but i'm not even taking them to lose weight, really.
the energy to deal with work and school HAS to come from somewhere.
and i started smoking again
i've been so edgy without food or sleep
not to mention all the other crap i put in my body.
i'm not healthy. i'm not happy.
i definitely do not know what to do about it.
it should be easy to just not take anything and eat like a normal person.
and it is until monday morning when i have to go back to ringing phones and irate customers and crying babies and catering orders and whiny employees and demanding bosses.
who all seem to think i am some sort of super hero and i haven't let them down yet.
school is another issue completely.
i want to go, i AM going. it's just hard knowing that i am so far behind.
how does three and a half years of higher education get wasted?
it hasn't all been a complete failure. i just used to want so much more for myself.
i know i am smart and capable enough to live a happy, successful life.
i'm not lazy, i don't think. distracted? maybe. i will be twenty-two soon.
22!
i should be getting ready to graduate
instead i am getting ready to start over for the THIRD time.
what in the hell is wrong with me?
i'm not sure i even care anymore.
like livejournaling can really solve any of this.
ha