Holidays for Cory was just another time to party. To get drunk some place and stumbled back to his hole he was staying in at the time and wake up the next morning wondering what the hell happened
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Cory stopped, turning around as he heard her voice. He looked down then back to her. Her approaching him was much like a dream to him. Even when she touched him, held him, it still felt that way.
He closed his arms around her, "It's for family." He remembered what Ryan had said. Wished. "Family and loved ones." He shook his head, "I shouldn't have... I just wanted..."
He leaned in to smell her hair, "I can if you want me to. For a little while." He reached up brushing her hair back. "I just didn't think... the others would be to happy to see me." He knew it was a lame excuse but it was all he could think of.
You are family. You are loved. No matter where you are, where you go, what you ever do, Cory Raines, you live in my heart. I love you. I always will, and you belong here, as much as anyone.
*Carolina holds him tight, knowing that it was awkward, with Nick and everyone inside. But the times she got to see Cory were so few, she couldn't let a moment slip by.*
I don't care what anyone thinks. I've been honest with everyone. You're too important to me to lose you.
*Kissing his face, his neck and his lips, softly, she looked at him.* Give me your birthday. Please. Let me have that time alone with you. I'm begging you. Please. Let's go someplace alone, no distractions. One day, one night.
Cory held Carolina more tightly, closing his eyes as her words sank in. He sighed softly. As she kissed him, he wouldn't let her pull back to easily, lingering on the kiss before he would allow it.
However he had to give pause. "Birthday? Birthday... oh... I... I really don't..." He looked down, "I would give it to you if I had one, Precious."
"What about going someplace for Christmas. We can all go as a family. Go where ever you want to go. We can set up a tree and exchange presents. Then we can leave Ryan with the kids while I take you out all night and have my wicked way with you." He gave a smile. It was a dream of his after all.
*Carolina kissed his cheek, holding him.* Remember, baby? Remember last year...you let me give you a birthday. December fifth. Remember how much fun we had? I can't wait until Christmas. I'll get a house, in Vail, in the snow. We'll take Ryan, and the kids. We'll be alone, and we can ski and play in the snow.
*Her head laid on his shoulder.* I need to hold you. I need to talk to you and fall asleep in your arms. We need some time, Cory. I miss you so much.
Cory looked down embarrassed. "I didn't think you..." He sighed softly in holding her tightly. "I remember that, yes," he nodded. He pulled back looking at her. He liked the snow.
"You have me now. And you will have me whenever you like. I can't wait to see you all dressed up to go skiing then watch you fall on your pretty butt." He smirked.
He pulled back, walking them over to the steps and sitting down. "I can go out into the woods and chop us a tree."
*Carolina looked at him, and caught her breath. She loved him so much, and she would never be anything less than honest with him, as she would hope he would be with her. They had come too far for that, been through too much. Taking his hand in hers, she looked in his eyes.*
Cory...we need to talk. I never want to have anything that's a lie between us.
*There were tears in her eyes, as she thought about Joel, and all that had gone on.*
I filed for divorce from Joel. It's over...it has been for a long time. We never should have married, and we rushed headlong into it, without really thinking. I was still so in love with you, but so hurt and grieving. I was afraid that no one would ever want me again. I hurt him, and he hurt me. But we have our son, and we will always love and respect each other as friends.
And...since then...I've changed. I never told you all the...about all of my past. But I've been through therapy and I'm dealing with it all. I'm learning to like myself again.
Cory reached over, wiping a fallen tear. "Your past never mattered to me, Precious. I haven't told you all about mine either. I used to be a real bastard for a while." He gave a little smile. "Besides... I always felt your lives were to short to live in the past. You can't change it. All you can do is live with it."
Cory got up and moved behind her, having her lean back against him as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his head against hers, looping his fingers around hers. "I don't know if you know, but I spoke to Pookie the other day... She was worried about you." He leaned looking to her. "You know... let's just deal with the hear and now for the moment. One step at a time. Now... tell me what you want for Christmas."
*Carolina sighed, leaning back against him.* I want you. I want you to spend time with me, Cory. I want us to have some time to regain our...I don't know...us, I guess.
Ryan worries about me. She's afraid that I'll get hurt again. I've been dating...not a lot, but Ryan isn't pleased. Of course, this is from a girl who thinks that dreadful Frankie Roberts is a knight in shining armour.
*Carolina looked back and up at Cory. Kissing his cheek, she bit her lip.* I have to go someplace Christmas day. I gave my word. But I want to spend time with you in the mountains...especially New Year's Eve. I want that very much...with you. Can we just have each other? Just time and space to talk and play? I really need that with you.
Cory stared out along the sidewalk as Carolina spoke. He wasn't going to ask where she would be on Christmas. It was really none of his businesses anyway. While she was gone, he could spend it at Caspian's grave. At least it would be one holiday the big lug couldn't run from.
"Just you and me, da, we can do that. I... haven't played in a while. Really haven't done much of anything. I've been... training you can say. Maybe I'll go spend some time at the orphanages. Bring them a little cheer while you are doing whatever on Christmas. Besides, to me it's just another day."
"I know," Cory whispers. "Time is all I have." He held her close, just nodding in understanding. "Kind of what I have been doing. But you have always been worthy of love in my eyes. But I do understand. You just need to learn to love yourself first before you can ask anyone else to join you."
He looked at her, locking his greens to hers, "I have always been proud of you." He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
It's not all you have. Baby, I swear it. You have me. You always have.
*Carolina's torn. Part of her wants to throw her arms around him and run away, forgetting the rest of the world. But the biggest part of her wants all of the good things, mixed together and working, so everyone is happy. But its hard, the risk is so great.*
I made a decision, Cory, to give myself a little time. Time to grow and heal. Time to get my divorce final. Time for the kids to adjust. Joel's abandonment hurt Lizzie a lot. If we are meant to be together, then I want us to be free to make that choice together. Can you do that with me? Explore ourselves, our possibilities. Can you trust me, and let me just figure out myself? *small laugh* Since we broke up, I've gained three kids and been married and dumped on my ass, and had a breakdown. I'm just a little shell shocked.
I need you...I need your faith and love. But I want to make sure that I can be what you deserve. Because you deserve the best me I can be. I don't want to fail you
Cory just gave a little nod. "Take as much time as you want. As you need. But you never failed me." He gave a little smile, something sad. "I need time as well to... settle in my new life."
"You know, you shouldn't spend all your time out here with me. You have guests." He motions inside with his head.
*She looks in his eyes.* You aren't telling me everything. Why? I can see it, I can feel it. There's something going on with you. What is it?
*Carolina shakes her head.* I don't care about that...they can wait. You matter to me, dammit. Cory...what's going on? You've hidden yourself away. Please tell me.
Cory blinked and he should have known she could see right through him. She was one of the few. Amanda was the other. He looked away then back to her before sighing a little, "I just needed to change. I couldn't go on being Cory Raines. It was time. I needed to get back into shape." He paused a moment, "Fighting shape. Eventually, there will come a time when... I'll have to fight. It's the way our lives go. So... new identity. New life."
"Cory Raines died. Cory Corwin was born." he gave a little shrug. "Name I used a very long time ago."
*She had been told he was there, and everyone was watching football.*
It was nice...we lived on this big farm and the kids were running around everywhere.
*Walking down the steps, she put her arms around him.*
Why won't you stay? *The question was more than Thanksgiving, but she would settle for anything, just his voice, anything. She missed him.*
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He closed his arms around her, "It's for family." He remembered what Ryan had said. Wished. "Family and loved ones." He shook his head, "I shouldn't have... I just wanted..."
He leaned in to smell her hair, "I can if you want me to. For a little while." He reached up brushing her hair back. "I just didn't think... the others would be to happy to see me." He knew it was a lame excuse but it was all he could think of.
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*Carolina holds him tight, knowing that it was awkward, with Nick and everyone inside. But the times she got to see Cory were so few, she couldn't let a moment slip by.*
I don't care what anyone thinks. I've been honest with everyone. You're too important to me to lose you.
*Kissing his face, his neck and his lips, softly, she looked at him.* Give me your birthday. Please. Let me have that time alone with you. I'm begging you. Please. Let's go someplace alone, no distractions. One day, one night.
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However he had to give pause. "Birthday? Birthday... oh... I... I really don't..." He looked down, "I would give it to you if I had one, Precious."
"What about going someplace for Christmas. We can all go as a family. Go where ever you want to go. We can set up a tree and exchange presents. Then we can leave Ryan with the kids while I take you out all night and have my wicked way with you." He gave a smile. It was a dream of his after all.
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*Carolina kissed his cheek, holding him.* Remember, baby? Remember last year...you let me give you a birthday. December fifth. Remember how much fun we had? I can't wait until Christmas. I'll get a house, in Vail, in the snow. We'll take Ryan, and the kids. We'll be alone, and we can ski and play in the snow.
*Her head laid on his shoulder.* I need to hold you. I need to talk to you and fall asleep in your arms. We need some time, Cory. I miss you so much.
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"You have me now. And you will have me whenever you like. I can't wait to see you all dressed up to go skiing then watch you fall on your pretty butt." He smirked.
He pulled back, walking them over to the steps and sitting down. "I can go out into the woods and chop us a tree."
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Cory...we need to talk. I never want to have anything that's a lie between us.
*There were tears in her eyes, as she thought about Joel, and all that had gone on.*
I filed for divorce from Joel. It's over...it has been for a long time. We never should have married, and we rushed headlong into it, without really thinking. I was still so in love with you, but so hurt and grieving. I was afraid that no one would ever want me again. I hurt him, and he hurt me. But we have our son, and we will always love and respect each other as friends.
And...since then...I've changed. I never told you all the...about all of my past. But I've been through therapy and I'm dealing with it all. I'm learning to like myself again.
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Cory got up and moved behind her, having her lean back against him as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his head against hers, looping his fingers around hers. "I don't know if you know, but I spoke to Pookie the other day... She was worried about you." He leaned looking to her. "You know... let's just deal with the hear and now for the moment. One step at a time. Now... tell me what you want for Christmas."
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*Carolina sighed, leaning back against him.* I want you. I want you to spend time with me, Cory. I want us to have some time to regain our...I don't know...us, I guess.
Ryan worries about me. She's afraid that I'll get hurt again. I've been dating...not a lot, but Ryan isn't pleased. Of course, this is from a girl who thinks that dreadful Frankie Roberts is a knight in shining armour.
*Carolina looked back and up at Cory. Kissing his cheek, she bit her lip.* I have to go someplace Christmas day. I gave my word. But I want to spend time with you in the mountains...especially New Year's Eve. I want that very much...with you. Can we just have each other? Just time and space to talk and play? I really need that with you.
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"Just you and me, da, we can do that. I... haven't played in a while. Really haven't done much of anything. I've been... training you can say. Maybe I'll go spend some time at the orphanages. Bring them a little cheer while you are doing whatever on Christmas. Besides, to me it's just another day."
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He looked at her, locking his greens to hers, "I have always been proud of you." He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
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*Carolina's torn. Part of her wants to throw her arms around him and run away, forgetting the rest of the world. But the biggest part of her wants all of the good things, mixed together and working, so everyone is happy. But its hard, the risk is so great.*
I made a decision, Cory, to give myself a little time. Time to grow and heal. Time to get my divorce final. Time for the kids to adjust. Joel's abandonment hurt Lizzie a lot. If we are meant to be together, then I want us to be free to make that choice together. Can you do that with me? Explore ourselves, our possibilities. Can you trust me, and let me just figure out myself? *small laugh* Since we broke up, I've gained three kids and been married and dumped on my ass, and had a breakdown. I'm just a little shell shocked.
I need you...I need your faith and love. But I want to make sure that I can be what you deserve. Because you deserve the best me I can be. I don't want to fail you
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"You know, you shouldn't spend all your time out here with me. You have guests." He motions inside with his head.
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*Carolina shakes her head.* I don't care about that...they can wait. You matter to me, dammit. Cory...what's going on? You've hidden yourself away. Please tell me.
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"Cory Raines died. Cory Corwin was born." he gave a little shrug. "Name I used a very long time ago."
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