Holidays for Cory was just another time to party. To get drunk some place and stumbled back to his hole he was staying in at the time and wake up the next morning wondering what the hell happened
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*His last words made her sad, and she blinked the sting of tears away from her eyes.*
Cory...I love you. I never wanted anything more than you and I, and a family...together. But we can't just fall into that. We need to take some time and spend it together, playing, loving, fighting, getting back to us...because there are three little hearts involved here, too. And the next time I make a vow, the next forever I commit to, it's going to be with both of us ready, clear and focused. I can't fail someone again, not the way I did before with you, and with Joel. I hurt you both, and I'm so scared to hurt someone again. Especially you. And the kids.
*Turning into his arms, she hugged him, her voice choked.* I have to fix my life, regain my confidence. I have to divorce Joel and spend some time cleaning up this mess I made. I want to be strong and ready, I want to be worthy of love again. Can you understand? I need to grow, as a woman, so I can be more than what I have been. I need confidence. Because the woman I have been for so many years just ruins everything with her fear and insecurity. I did that to you. I don't want to do that again.
*Carolina took his hand and kissed it.* I want you to be proud of me.
"I know," Cory whispers. "Time is all I have." He held her close, just nodding in understanding. "Kind of what I have been doing. But you have always been worthy of love in my eyes. But I do understand. You just need to learn to love yourself first before you can ask anyone else to join you."
He looked at her, locking his greens to hers, "I have always been proud of you." He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
It's not all you have. Baby, I swear it. You have me. You always have.
*Carolina's torn. Part of her wants to throw her arms around him and run away, forgetting the rest of the world. But the biggest part of her wants all of the good things, mixed together and working, so everyone is happy. But its hard, the risk is so great.*
I made a decision, Cory, to give myself a little time. Time to grow and heal. Time to get my divorce final. Time for the kids to adjust. Joel's abandonment hurt Lizzie a lot. If we are meant to be together, then I want us to be free to make that choice together. Can you do that with me? Explore ourselves, our possibilities. Can you trust me, and let me just figure out myself? *small laugh* Since we broke up, I've gained three kids and been married and dumped on my ass, and had a breakdown. I'm just a little shell shocked.
I need you...I need your faith and love. But I want to make sure that I can be what you deserve. Because you deserve the best me I can be. I don't want to fail you again.
Cory just gave a little nod. "Take as much time as you want. As you need. But you never failed me." He gave a little smile, something sad. "I need time as well to... settle in my new life."
"You know, you shouldn't spend all your time out here with me. You have guests." He motions inside with his head.
*She looks in his eyes.* You aren't telling me everything. Why? I can see it, I can feel it. There's something going on with you. What is it?
*Carolina shakes her head.* I don't care about that...they can wait. You matter to me, dammit. Cory...what's going on? You've hidden yourself away. Please tell me.
Cory blinked and he should have known she could see right through him. She was one of the few. Amanda was the other. He looked away then back to her before sighing a little, "I just needed to change. I couldn't go on being Cory Raines. It was time. I needed to get back into shape." He paused a moment, "Fighting shape. Eventually, there will come a time when... I'll have to fight. It's the way our lives go. So... new identity. New life."
"Cory Raines died. Cory Corwin was born." he gave a little shrug. "Name I used a very long time ago."
You know, I used to write the name..."Carolina Raines"...on my notepad, sometimes. Isn't that so girly? I loved Cory Raines. I love you, no matter what name you use. Does this mean that you're going away again?
*Carolina swallowed hard, afraid to look in his eyes.*
I hate the idea of you fighting. But I understand that it's the way it is.
I know how it is...my life is the same way. I'll always have to fight, it won't ever stop until they finally win. I just keep trying to hang on to something good. That Frankie person says I fuck everything up, fail at everything and every relationship. I wish I could do better for you. For the kids.
Cory shook his head, "No, not going away. I've kept pretty close to my cabin, not going to far unless I had to." He sighed softly, "You have a choice. You don't have to fight. You..." He sighed knowing it wasn't true even for people like him. "I have no choice. There will come a time when we will all feel that pull and can't resist it. Because there can be only one."
"You do better, you really do, you just don't count the little things you do, like being out here with me. Have faith in yourself. I do." He leaned over to kiss her temple.
*She laid her head down on his shoulder. If she held him, tight, maybe he would never go away. It couldn't hurt to try, she thought.*
Why can there be only one? Not to be cliche or anything, Cory, but can't you guys all just get along? I don't understand why it has to be that way. I don't understand why my girls and Ryan have to spend their whole lives being hunted like animals by people who want to kill them. Is it so awful of me to want to take all the people I love and just run away to someplace safe?
God, I love you so much. Even when you aren't here...I feel you. I dream about us, being happy. Sometimes I can't wait to fall asleep.
Cory...I love you. I never wanted anything more than you and I, and a family...together. But we can't just fall into that. We need to take some time and spend it together, playing, loving, fighting, getting back to us...because there are three little hearts involved here, too. And the next time I make a vow, the next forever I commit to, it's going to be with both of us ready, clear and focused. I can't fail someone again, not the way I did before with you, and with Joel. I hurt you both, and I'm so scared to hurt someone again. Especially you. And the kids.
*Turning into his arms, she hugged him, her voice choked.* I have to fix my life, regain my confidence. I have to divorce Joel and spend some time cleaning up this mess I made. I want to be strong and ready, I want to be worthy of love again. Can you understand? I need to grow, as a woman, so I can be more than what I have been. I need confidence. Because the woman I have been for so many years just ruins everything with her fear and insecurity. I did that to you. I don't want to do that again.
*Carolina took his hand and kissed it.* I want you to be proud of me.
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He looked at her, locking his greens to hers, "I have always been proud of you." He cupped her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her cheek.
Reply
*Carolina's torn. Part of her wants to throw her arms around him and run away, forgetting the rest of the world. But the biggest part of her wants all of the good things, mixed together and working, so everyone is happy. But its hard, the risk is so great.*
I made a decision, Cory, to give myself a little time. Time to grow and heal. Time to get my divorce final. Time for the kids to adjust. Joel's abandonment hurt Lizzie a lot. If we are meant to be together, then I want us to be free to make that choice together. Can you do that with me? Explore ourselves, our possibilities. Can you trust me, and let me just figure out myself? *small laugh* Since we broke up, I've gained three kids and been married and dumped on my ass, and had a breakdown. I'm just a little shell shocked.
I need you...I need your faith and love. But I want to make sure that I can be what you deserve. Because you deserve the best me I can be. I don't want to fail you again.
Reply
"You know, you shouldn't spend all your time out here with me. You have guests." He motions inside with his head.
Reply
*Carolina shakes her head.* I don't care about that...they can wait. You matter to me, dammit. Cory...what's going on? You've hidden yourself away. Please tell me.
Reply
"Cory Raines died. Cory Corwin was born." he gave a little shrug. "Name I used a very long time ago."
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You know, I used to write the name..."Carolina Raines"...on my notepad, sometimes. Isn't that so girly? I loved Cory Raines. I love you, no matter what name you use. Does this mean that you're going away again?
*Carolina swallowed hard, afraid to look in his eyes.*
I hate the idea of you fighting. But I understand that it's the way it is.
I know how it is...my life is the same way. I'll always have to fight, it won't ever stop until they finally win. I just keep trying to hang on to something good. That Frankie person says I fuck everything up, fail at everything and every relationship. I wish I could do better for you. For the kids.
Reply
"You do better, you really do, you just don't count the little things you do, like being out here with me. Have faith in yourself. I do." He leaned over to kiss her temple.
Reply
*She laid her head down on his shoulder. If she held him, tight, maybe he would never go away. It couldn't hurt to try, she thought.*
Why can there be only one? Not to be cliche or anything, Cory, but can't you guys all just get along? I don't understand why it has to be that way. I don't understand why my girls and Ryan have to spend their whole lives being hunted like animals by people who want to kill them. Is it so awful of me to want to take all the people I love and just run away to someplace safe?
God, I love you so much. Even when you aren't here...I feel you. I dream about us, being happy. Sometimes I can't wait to fall asleep.
Reply
*sighs softly*
Imagine what it would be like if those same people found about our immortality? The only way to end it is to end them.
I love you.
Reply
*Carolina impulsively kisses him, hard, tears on her cheeks. The love for him, it's forever.*
Promise me you'll be careful. Swear it to me.
Reply
*he returned her kiss, pulling back to kiss the tears away.*
I swear. *he breathed softly*
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I love you.
*Carolina laid her head down on his shoulder, and just held on tight.*
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