(no subject)
My mother tells me I'm dualistic, thinking about it I guess she's right. I can never say one thing without analyzing the opposite, it must be very annoying.
I had a brush with death on friday. It was exciting, and, really, really stupid. I came close to driving off a precipice. Yes, a god-damned curvy, rocky, slippery, steep- hill country precipice. I swerved off the road and hit a cedar brush then commenced to zoom left straight towards a solid rock cliff ultimately I bashed over a guard rail, taking with me some reflectors, and into a tree which saved me from flying off the mountain Thelma & Louise style. I am perfectly fine, and thats probably why I remain teetering on apathy. unbelievably I handled the whole thing undramatically. No crying, screaming, shaking, or even terror about what almost happened to me. I put the car in park checked on poor kitty, then opened the door and proceeded to call my dad. I feel idiotic for not having an explicit cause (I was a bit distracted, and may have been lighting a cigarette). I feel guilty for not being scared shitless. I am actually disappointed in my inability to grasp fully the extremity of the crash, I feel like people who come anywhere near death should at least have a minor epiphany.
Sure I regret it, my car may well be totaled, dents and scratches cover the poor thing, a window is loose, a rearview window gone, and the front end and frame is warped and smashed. My parents insurance will go up, and I currently have no car. I guess this is a lesson, it would be easier to understand if I could only figure out what exactly caused me to drive off the road. Its funny, almost without fail I think about crashing every time I drive, I was listening to Beethoven's 9th, I guess that would have been a good death anthem.
Fuck.
I had a brush with death on friday. It was exciting, and, really, really stupid. I came close to driving off a precipice. Yes, a god-damned curvy, rocky, slippery, steep- hill country precipice. I swerved off the road and hit a cedar brush then commenced to zoom left straight towards a solid rock cliff ultimately I bashed over a guard rail, taking with me some reflectors, and into a tree which saved me from flying off the mountain Thelma & Louise style. I am perfectly fine, and thats probably why I remain teetering on apathy. unbelievably I handled the whole thing undramatically. No crying, screaming, shaking, or even terror about what almost happened to me. I put the car in park checked on poor kitty, then opened the door and proceeded to call my dad. I feel idiotic for not having an explicit cause (I was a bit distracted, and may have been lighting a cigarette). I feel guilty for not being scared shitless. I am actually disappointed in my inability to grasp fully the extremity of the crash, I feel like people who come anywhere near death should at least have a minor epiphany.
Sure I regret it, my car may well be totaled, dents and scratches cover the poor thing, a window is loose, a rearview window gone, and the front end and frame is warped and smashed. My parents insurance will go up, and I currently have no car. I guess this is a lesson, it would be easier to understand if I could only figure out what exactly caused me to drive off the road. Its funny, almost without fail I think about crashing every time I drive, I was listening to Beethoven's 9th, I guess that would have been a good death anthem.
Fuck.