(no subject)
I am begining to crack from school. Experiencing that old familiar feeling of complete anxiousness for the end of the semester. Its really evident in my old familiar sleeping habits that wink there sleep crusted eyes at me through the neon green alarm clock. Oh shit, overslept agian....Poor Rachel came in for a visit on one such occasion last week. there I am laying in my lofty cloistered apartment ignorant to the fact that its three and a half hours into my sculpture class, when BANG! Bang! its rachel! corrie its rachel! I lept out of bed half asleep, opened the door shouted at rachel then dashed for the closet, for maybe one or two minutes I left Rach and her very flustered looking boyfriend standing in the door while I roved around my room in circles, searching for something, and totally shocked at the lateness of the hour. It must have been either really funny or really terrifying (I know what i look like in the morning). A the poor couple left I yelled "come back later'. god what an awful first impression to make on your friend's serious boyfriend. It did add a little spice to my otherwise humdrum life. she should do it more often, I'm out of practise (used to happen constantly).
colin says he wants to come visit after his graduation. I fear he'll be bored. truth is I'm just becoming so accustomed to being alone all the time, its sorta wearing on me to though. its a bizarre combonation of subjectively relishing my near total privacy (as contrasted to years in the dorms) and objectively feeling very lonsome for company, like-minded company especially. Sometimes I feel like I haven't met anyone here yet, I never will. its just not a easy as it looks (for me). Wouldn't it be nice if I could walk up to someone who looked interesting and say "will you be my friend"? without sounding completely creepy...This summer I'm going to have a lot of extra time and I plan to do something extra cirricular...
Oddly a conversation with Randi got me fixated on this whole social subject. I called her, haven't talked with her in over a month. the conversation was slightly strained. for the first time. Instead of having the usual effect of making me feel gleeful and connected with her I felt worlds apart and very distant, as if we both forgot something crucial. It was sad. for me, we actaully had a highly akward silence that lasted for at least one minute...I cannot fathom that a whole year has gone by since i left SF, will I ever feel as high agian?
colin says he wants to come visit after his graduation. I fear he'll be bored. truth is I'm just becoming so accustomed to being alone all the time, its sorta wearing on me to though. its a bizarre combonation of subjectively relishing my near total privacy (as contrasted to years in the dorms) and objectively feeling very lonsome for company, like-minded company especially. Sometimes I feel like I haven't met anyone here yet, I never will. its just not a easy as it looks (for me). Wouldn't it be nice if I could walk up to someone who looked interesting and say "will you be my friend"? without sounding completely creepy...This summer I'm going to have a lot of extra time and I plan to do something extra cirricular...
Oddly a conversation with Randi got me fixated on this whole social subject. I called her, haven't talked with her in over a month. the conversation was slightly strained. for the first time. Instead of having the usual effect of making me feel gleeful and connected with her I felt worlds apart and very distant, as if we both forgot something crucial. It was sad. for me, we actaully had a highly akward silence that lasted for at least one minute...I cannot fathom that a whole year has gone by since i left SF, will I ever feel as high agian?