(no subject)
when i was younger... when someone would tell me growing up is rough..and not to do it..
i would have said... please brotha... you crazy...
now... i completely understand the severity of that phrase...
getting older is anything but easy...
im not even that old... im not old...
but im beginning to take on more responsibilities that my little body can handle...
ive been living everywhere within these past few months..from my mothers house to my fathers house....aunt to aunts house to my cousins house only to find myself unhappy in all locations... i normally would suck it up...and continue to live with it... but in the past week, ive gotten to be so uncomfortable in my family's environment i havent been able to go back. in the past week, everything that was here a week ago seems like some distant memory of my past that im not able to go back to. its weird to think that i dont feel like i can ever go back. im sending someone to get my things.
its like a life that ive abandoned not because im too coward to face my relatives.... but more because i dont want to face them...so why should i.
i dont hate them... im not mad at them... just my level of insecurity around them... has completely reached its peak and i cant see them right now...
im ashamed... im insecure... im upset... im confused... im lost.
old navy is becoming less and less stressful each time i go...im not feeling like i drastically need to leave anymore... its the one place where im actually comfortable being myself... and no one gives me any crap about who i am... or what i do.
school on the other hand is this constant battle for self control. a battle for acceptance and a struggle to keep myself from collapsing emotionally. im in an area of study that i no longer feel im connected to but i feel like i need to stay in it to please other people.
david allen west on the other hand...keeps everything together...and makes me the happiest person to ever be alive... i dont know how he would feel about me posting him here, so we'll keep it at that :).
i would have said... please brotha... you crazy...
now... i completely understand the severity of that phrase...
getting older is anything but easy...
im not even that old... im not old...
but im beginning to take on more responsibilities that my little body can handle...
ive been living everywhere within these past few months..from my mothers house to my fathers house....aunt to aunts house to my cousins house only to find myself unhappy in all locations... i normally would suck it up...and continue to live with it... but in the past week, ive gotten to be so uncomfortable in my family's environment i havent been able to go back. in the past week, everything that was here a week ago seems like some distant memory of my past that im not able to go back to. its weird to think that i dont feel like i can ever go back. im sending someone to get my things.
its like a life that ive abandoned not because im too coward to face my relatives.... but more because i dont want to face them...so why should i.
i dont hate them... im not mad at them... just my level of insecurity around them... has completely reached its peak and i cant see them right now...
im ashamed... im insecure... im upset... im confused... im lost.
old navy is becoming less and less stressful each time i go...im not feeling like i drastically need to leave anymore... its the one place where im actually comfortable being myself... and no one gives me any crap about who i am... or what i do.
school on the other hand is this constant battle for self control. a battle for acceptance and a struggle to keep myself from collapsing emotionally. im in an area of study that i no longer feel im connected to but i feel like i need to stay in it to please other people.
david allen west on the other hand...keeps everything together...and makes me the happiest person to ever be alive... i dont know how he would feel about me posting him here, so we'll keep it at that :).