(no subject)
So as I sit down to write I have no real clear focus of what this entry is really going to be about. As usual, there is alot of stuff going on in my head and there is no real dominant focus or direction.. at least not one that I know of. I am sorry if I seem to be repeating myself and talking about the same types of things over and over again but if they are in my head and keep residing there.. I need to keep talking about it since it seems pretty pressing. Even though I dont believe in horoscopes there is this part of it that is actually making sense at this moment. My "sign" is Gemini and that is the sign of the twins, which pretty much means that there are two sides to my personality. That is actually really true.. and no I am not saying that it is because of my "sign" that this is how I am. I am just using that as an example to explain a little bit more about me. There is this side of me that I show to the public or to people that may not know me very well, and then there is this side of me that only few people see. One side is always cheerful, always optimistic and always making people laugh, no matter what I am going through personally at the moment. The other side is constantly second guessing myself and overanalyzing everything to death and worrying myself to death about any given thing at the moment. With that said, the second side of me is now about to shine.
For those who know me, I do not have to remind you that I am a hopeless romantic, and pretty much have been. I am the chick flick queen and write stories about characters falling in love and what not. All throughout middle and high school I looked jealously on those who had boyfriends and always wondered when it would be my turn. When I came to college it was no different. I actually had the notion that I was going to find my future husband at college and the whole fairtytale ending would then pan out and of course, it did not happen. Awhile ago I asked God why it was that everyone was finding someone and I wasn't and the answer I heard was that I was not ready. I was not putting God first and could not handle that kind of a relationship. I accepted that and worked hard at being the kind of person God wants me to be. I am happy to say that the last few years I have not really thought about the fact that I am not in a relationship because I have been too busy focusing on everything else in my life. My mom would pester me, just like a mom would, about me getting out more and about me "flirting" more with guys and all that stuff, but I would brush it away. Anyway, I keep circling around the point, and like a writer giving all of this denomount.. or background information when I should be just getting straight to the point. I was just sitting there watching tv the other night and got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the whole "I want to be in a relationship" pang that I had not had in a long time, but I definetely recognized it like it was an old friend. My head started spinning and I found myself stuck in this place I did not want to be.
So the point of this entry is that as much as I know that God will provide for me and when I am ready He will provide me with someone if that is what is supposed to happen. As much as I know I need to be patient and trust God in this, I sometimes slip up. The most recent example of His faithfulness was in the fact that I got a job. The way it happened and the timing with it just was perfect and I know that it was His doing. This encouraged me that He is still out there protecting me.. even though I cant feel it. I have not been feeling Him alot lately, which I know is my doing but things like that just remind me that He is still there. This is why I know that even though I am feeling overwhelmed in this new job and am worried and having lots of questions I know that this is where He wants me and He wants me there for a reason so I am sticking to it. I just have to keep pushing on regardless of the challenges that come along and just know that when I need Him, He will be there. This is true in every single aspect of life as well.
To wrap things up nicely with a little bow.. lol.. sorry couldn't resist.. let me just say that as much as the prospect of meeting a guy and getting into a relationship excites me.. I know that I dont want that if it is not in God's timing.
For those who know me, I do not have to remind you that I am a hopeless romantic, and pretty much have been. I am the chick flick queen and write stories about characters falling in love and what not. All throughout middle and high school I looked jealously on those who had boyfriends and always wondered when it would be my turn. When I came to college it was no different. I actually had the notion that I was going to find my future husband at college and the whole fairtytale ending would then pan out and of course, it did not happen. Awhile ago I asked God why it was that everyone was finding someone and I wasn't and the answer I heard was that I was not ready. I was not putting God first and could not handle that kind of a relationship. I accepted that and worked hard at being the kind of person God wants me to be. I am happy to say that the last few years I have not really thought about the fact that I am not in a relationship because I have been too busy focusing on everything else in my life. My mom would pester me, just like a mom would, about me getting out more and about me "flirting" more with guys and all that stuff, but I would brush it away. Anyway, I keep circling around the point, and like a writer giving all of this denomount.. or background information when I should be just getting straight to the point. I was just sitting there watching tv the other night and got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the whole "I want to be in a relationship" pang that I had not had in a long time, but I definetely recognized it like it was an old friend. My head started spinning and I found myself stuck in this place I did not want to be.
So the point of this entry is that as much as I know that God will provide for me and when I am ready He will provide me with someone if that is what is supposed to happen. As much as I know I need to be patient and trust God in this, I sometimes slip up. The most recent example of His faithfulness was in the fact that I got a job. The way it happened and the timing with it just was perfect and I know that it was His doing. This encouraged me that He is still out there protecting me.. even though I cant feel it. I have not been feeling Him alot lately, which I know is my doing but things like that just remind me that He is still there. This is why I know that even though I am feeling overwhelmed in this new job and am worried and having lots of questions I know that this is where He wants me and He wants me there for a reason so I am sticking to it. I just have to keep pushing on regardless of the challenges that come along and just know that when I need Him, He will be there. This is true in every single aspect of life as well.
To wrap things up nicely with a little bow.. lol.. sorry couldn't resist.. let me just say that as much as the prospect of meeting a guy and getting into a relationship excites me.. I know that I dont want that if it is not in God's timing.