Loose ends chapter 42 - Gift

[coriaria]

Snape has completed his experimental potion and gives it to Lupin. PG.

This is a work of fan fiction. The world and all recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling (apart from references to Dr Seuss and Eric Carle) and I make no claim or profit etc.

Gift
Snape had returned the following evening to deliver Lupin’s Wolfsbane. Harry had greeted him, looking worried and stressed. Lupin had had another post-Cruciatus attack and was now sleeping off the after effects.

“I can wait,” Snape said. “He’s the last of the deliveries.”

Snape had waited, stalking around the kitchen making everyone tense until Harry threw Grimmy’s leash at him and told him to take a walk.

When he’d returned and Lupin was awake, they had sat there in near silence for over an hour. Snape had held Lupin’s shaking hand and Lupin had pulled it to his lips and cheek before closing his eyes. He appeared asleep, but the former spy could tell that he wasn’t by the tension in his breathing and the way the hand clutched at his. Lupin simply lacked the energy to move or converse.

He’d been trying with the anti-Crucio potion, but he’d made no further progress, even with Wormwood and Lucretia helping. He’d rebrewed it with subtle variations a dozen times and still didn’t know what was wrong. The sight of Lupin once again miserable and ill sent him back to the lab to try again.

The variation that he tried was as toxic as the previous versions. After the “incident”, the Director had given him a miasmatic heptopus to test the toxicity, and she was now vigorously squirting her neutralising ink into the water of her tank. He covered his disappointment by allowing himself to watch the fascinating creature moving slowly and gracefully through the water. He’d called her Hyades.

He returned to the lab bench and began to shuffle through the notes again, checking his list of ingredients, the proportions of each, the order he added them. He found himself back to the same conclusion he’d been coming to for the last few days, which was that it would work if he could neutralise the toxicity in a way that left the action of the potion undiminished, something he had no idea how to do. He suspected he needed another ingredient, but neither he nor Wormwood could think what it might be.

Wormwood found him sitting on a stool and slumped over the bench, asleep on his notes.

“What do you call this, Severus? Sleeping in the lab is not acceptable. I could forgive the armchair in the alcove, but it’s unsafe to sleep on a bench. Who knows what poisons could get into your skin off that bench.”

Wormwood continued his ranting and Snape hung his head. If there was one thing that got Wormwood angry, it was unsafe lab practices. Snape knew that his student had always considered him a little careless and sloppy - he’d told his teacher so, repeatedly, even as a first year when half the other students were too afraid to speak in Snape’s presence. He knew that he deserved the dressing down and waited for Wormwood’s anger to subside.

Before he’d finished though, Matilda walked into the lab, her uncle following her.

“What’s going on? I heard Wormwood shout.”

“This idiot,” Wormwood said in an outraged tone, “decided to sleep on a lab bench.”

“Why?”

“I was working on something. I didn’t intend to fall asleep,” Snape mumbled, embarrassed to find a teenager leaping to his defence.

“What are you working on?”

Hubert walked across and peered at Snape’s notes. He resisted the urge to cover them. They weren’t a secret, just from Lupin.

“Anti-crucio potion.”

“Doesn’t that exist already?” Matilda asked.

“Not for werewolves it doesn’t,” Hubert said immediately, his eyes scanning the notes. He’d been helping to care for werewolves at the Institute for more than twenty years. He’d been there when Lupin was at his sickest, when he’d been brought back after his interrogation by the aurors, incoherent, drooling and twitching for days. He’d seen Lupin at every full moon since, and had too often seen him having post-Cruciatus attacks after, and occasionally before, the transformation.

Matilda took a moment longer before she too realised what he was doing.

“It’s for Mr Lupin,” she said, the knowing look on her face making Snape feel rather transparent. Just how many people knew?

“How’s it going?”

“I think I’m close, but it’s too toxic. Needs something to neutralise the poisons without making them ineffective at stopping the attack. And I’m honestly not sure that anything can do that.”

“Doesn’t flobberworm slime neutralise poisons?” Matilda asked.

“Yes, you are right, but it would neutralise it completely and stop the effect we want.”

“What about Black Forest earthworm slime?” Hubert said. “Back when Gertrude was alive we used quite a bit of it for all sorts of things. She swore it was the best thing out there. If in doubt, try some slime.”

Wormwood went white, but Snape looked back down at his page. For a moment he frowned in concentration, then looked up again.

“Wormwood, what do you think?”

“It… it… it didn’t cross my mind.”

Wormwood composed himself and walked swiftly to the bookshelf, pulling out a heavy volume written in dense gothic script. He flicked through and began reading it out loud, in German.

“Wormwood?” Snape interrupted cautiously. “I think you are the only one here who understands German.”

“Oh, right, sorry. Tell me, you remember when I advocated precatory beans instead of Calabar beans at the start? I think I was wrong. Maybe if you reverted to Calabar beans, and added some of the slime, it might just work. Unfortunately, we don’t have any Black Forest earthworm slime, and it’s not available for sale. It has to be gathered by the light of the full moon. In the Black Forest, obviously. It’s… a little hazardous to collect.”

“If I could get some…” Snape began.

“You are not going to Baden-Württemberg, Severus, it’s too dangerous.”

Wormwood grabbed his wrist, as if he was about to apparate from the spot.

“I’ll tell you who used to go and collect it for Gertrude. Director Mandragora.”

All eyes turned to Hubert. He shifted uncomfortably under their gaze, a quiet man unused to being the centre of attention.

“He took me with him once. A little scary, it was pre-Wolfsbane days, although I hear that they’re still not keen on it over there anyway. We took a couple of silver-spotted Icelandics with us, the werewolves didn’t want to get close to to them so we had no trouble.”

“Did you fly over on them?”

“Aye.”

Wormwood looked at the clock on the wall.

“How many hours flying? About five?”

Hubert nodded.

“I’d better ask him immediately then,” Wormwood said, and almost ran from the lab.

Mandragora and Hubert left at lunchtime, Matilda looking anxiously after them.

“Professor, could I ask you something?”

Snape nodded and attempted to reassure the girl with a smile.

“Would you come and get me, after moonset?” she said. “Normally Uncle Hubert is there. He always comes for me. I don’t like the others to see me. But you’re… you know, like he is. So I don’t mind so much. And you’re… okay.”

Snape nodded and agreed before he’d entirely worked out what the girl was on about. The lack of sleep had left his mind slow. By the time he realised what she was saying, she’d already walked off. Living with werewolves, he realised, there weren’t many secrets.

The full moon had passed uneventfully, or at least was no worse than usual, with Lupin ill and weak, the children frightened and crying, and Wormwood managing not to panic, although only just. Lupin had noted the absence of both Hubert and Mandragora and asked where they were, but Snape had discouraged his questions by asking sarcastically whether he looked like an owl. For a moment, Lupin looked like he would come back with a comment of his own, but then he simply sighed and closed his eyes.

Snape couldn’t remember when he’d last felt so impatient. He spent a couple of hours at the farmhouse, watching the clock constantly and so edgy he made Grimmy nervous. He’d then headed back to the Insititute where he annoyed Mephistopheles instead. Eventually he found a quiet spot near the dragon pens, as the dragons would probably know before the humans when their companions returned.

Mandragora and Hubert returned later than expected, around mid-afternoon, and the director’s face gave no indication of whether their mission had been a success. On arrival, he simply took his dragon into its pen, tending the creature and ignoring everyone else.

Hubert, however, brought good news.

“We’ve got it,” he said. “But don’t bother trying to talk to the Director for a bit. He’s spent a good deal of the morning dealing with werewolf politics. There’s a reason Gertrude chose to live here and not there.”

Snape disappeared into the lab, and was joined soon after by Wormwood. Although still a little tired and ill, he was determined to complete the potion. They brewed, barely speaking, testing different batches on Hyades and watching her, time and time again, squirting ink to dispel the poison they’d put into her tank. Blossom brought them meals and told them off until they ate, Lucretia ducked in and out between visits to recovering werewolves and they took turns sleeping on the chairs in the alcove.

Finally, after two days without leaving the lab except to use the toilet, Snape dropped a potion into the water and Hyades waved her tentacles for a few moments before returning to her meanderings around the tank. He held his breath.

“Wormwood?” he finally whispered.

“I think that might be it,” the werewolf replied, his tone equally hushed.

“I could try it.”

“Oh no you don’t, Severus. I’m not having a repeat of that. We do this in a sensible way, we have Lucretia here, and I’m trying it, not you.”

“Why you?”

“It’s got to be safe for werewolves. I’ll have to try it anyway. Or one of the other werewolves will. There won’t be a lack of volunteers. I’ll call Lucretia.”

In the end, there was an anxious group of six for the potion testing. Wormwood prepared a series of antidotes before trying the potion with Lucretia observing closely. Matilda, Hubert and Margaret joined Snape in watching the process. The room was silent as Wormwood lifted a small goblet to his lips then swallowed.

“Sweet Merlin, that’s vile,” he shuddered. “As bad as Wolfsbane.”

He put the goblet down and looked at the five pairs of eyes on him.

“You’re making me nervous.”

“You should be,” Lucretia said. “There’s enough Calabar bean in there to stop a kraken.”

“I feel fine. Quite relaxed really. A little… giddy maybe.”

Wormwood’s face moved through a series of thoughtful frowns as he considered the sensations in his body.

“A little tingling in my fingers. Not unpleasant. Still quite relaxed feeling. A bit too relaxed, like I’m going to start saying silly things.”

He gave a small giggle.

“Oh, I don’t normally giggle, so that’s probably linked to the potion. Tingling’s still there, it seems to be spreading, but not getting more intense.”

Wormwood spent the next half hour describing tingling and mild dizziness between bouts of giggles, before falling asleep for a couple of hours. Margaret then took the potion, followed by Lucretia. A few more of the Institute’s werewolves stopped by to try it, although they drew the line at allowing Matilda to test it, to her annoyance. Eventually they concluded that the potion was, in Lucretia’s words, probably fine. It wasn’t a rousing endorsement, but they decided it was worth the risk in taking it to Lupin.

Harry greeted them at the door with a suspicious look.

“A delegation?” he said. “Something’s up.”

Snape made to speak, but stopped. Wormwood and Lucretia waited for him to say something, before realising he wasn’t going to.

“We’re here to talk to Remus,” Lucretia said finally. “We have something for him, something that might help him.”

Snape looked at the ground.

“Severus has been working on it, but we’ve helped,” Wormwood added.

Harry nodded.

“He’s in bed. He did get up for a little while today, but he’s still feeling pretty bad. He was asleep before. I’ll see if he’s awake. If he is,” Harry said, with a rather cross look at Snape. “He’ll appreciate the visitors.”

Harry went to check on Lupin, and the others walked into the kitchen, where Andromeda was baking and Teddy was pulling pots out of the cupboards. Teddy ran across to Snape, pots forgotten, and demanded a story.

“Later, Teddy,” Andromeda said.

“Now,” Teddy replied. “Now.”

“Now’s probably fine, actually,” Harry said returning to the kitchen. “Remus is still asleep.”

Snape headed to the sitting room with Teddy, leaving Lucretia watching him with curiosity.

“He just loves it when Severus reads to him. He got rather attached when Severus was staying here,” Andromeda said in response to the unasked question. “So, what’s brought you all here.”

The werewolves looked at eachother before Lucretia began to speak.

“Severus has been working on a new version of the anti-crucio potion. One that’s safe for werewolves. We’ve been helping, but it’s mostly his work. We think it’s ready. It’s safe - Wormwood and I and several other werewolves at the Institute have taken it to test. We hope it will work, but that we can’t be sure of.”

Andromeda was silent a moment, her mouth slightly open.

“Oh,” she said. “Oh. That’s… oh. If it works… Oh Merlin, if that works it would be the most amazing thing. He’s already had three attacks since this full moon and it’s so hard on him.”

She looked out of the door towards the sitting room, before abruptly leaving her baking.

“Severus,” she said, watching as he settled Teddy in his lap and the boy attempted to make the difficult decision of whether to have “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” or “Horton Hears a Who” first.

He looked up at her, then back down at the books.

“What you’ve done for him, Severus…”

“We don’t know if it works yet.”

“Well I’m sorry to say we probably won’t have to wait long to find out. He last had an attack last night, and it’s unlikely that he’ll get through today without another. Will you stay?”

Snape nodded and returned to the book with Teddy. Horton had won.

Lucretia and Wormwood left with Lupin still sleeping, asking to be called when an attack started.

“Before you give him the potion, Severus,” Lucretia added.

And so they waited. It felt wrong, waiting for Lupin to have an attack. Snape remembered from when he was staying at the farmhouse, the way they watched for the start of the trembling. How a simple shiver of cold had them on edge in case it was the prelude to another episode of pain.

For several hours, there wasn’t a sound from Lupin’s room. Finally, a jumpy Andromeda went to check on him.

“Sometimes, he wakes but just lies there instead of letting us know. I think he feels like such a burden,” she said.

A few moments later, Snape heard her voice, near panic.

“Severus, Harry.”

They ran to the room. Lupin was awake, lying still on the bed with his eyes distant. It was a look he got when he was trying to detach himself from pain. He was holding his shoulders still and tense, as if any movement of his head was hurting him. And in the tips of his fingers, they could see the first twitches that signalled the start of an attack.

Snape knelt by the bed while Harry sent a message to Wormwood and Lucretia.

“Hello, Remus.”

Lupin gave a small, weak smile.

“Hello, Severus. I’ve missed you.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve missed you too. But I’ve been working on something for you.”

Snape took Lupin’s hand in his, feeling the flickers of movement as the nerves began to rebel. Lupin was looking at him in silence, a slight frown between his eyebrows.

“We’ve been working on a potion that might help stop your attacks, or at least reduce them.”

The frown deepened.

“Like anti-crucio potion?”

“Yes, like that, but safe for werewolves.”

Lupin was silent.

“Really?” he said finally.

“Well, we don’t know that it works yet. It should in theory, but… well these things can’t always be predicted. We have tested it for safety though. A number of the werewolves at the Institute have taken it without a problem. A few minor side effects, tingling fingers and toes, a bit dizzy, some of them got a little silly… I’d never heard Wormwood giggling before.”

Snape looked away, embarrassed as his nerves made him ramble.

“Anti-crucio? For werewolves? But…? Why would you…? There can’t be many who…”

“It’s for you, Remus," Snape replied, looking back to him. "We made the potion for you.”

Lupin’s eyes suddenly filled with tears.

“But…”

His eyes moved to Lucretia and Wormwood, who had just stepped into the room with Harry.

“How long have you been working on it, Severus?” Andromeda asked, when it became clear that Lupin was lost for words.

“Since after the previous transformation, about a month.”

“Severus had a brilliant idea for how to use a base of Calabar beans and vampire’s venom, which meant it didn’t need sylvanite and aconite. But it took rather an effort to reduce the toxicity. It didn’t help that I’d set him wrong with trying precatory beans and then it was only when Hubert came up with the idea of Black Forest earthworm slime that we had a breakthrough. That’s why he and the director were away at the full moon. After that we made some revisions and…”

“Wormwood, love, I don’t think Remus needs to hear all the details about how it was made right now. He’s starting an attack, so we need to see if he is willing to try and take it.”

Lupin took a deep breath. The shaking in his body had become more apparent even in the few minutes they’d been speaking.

“I… I… of course. If you think… if there’s a chance… please…”

The tears were falling now, his voice catching with emotion.

“Please… I just want it to stop… so much…”

Snape slid his arm under Lupin’s shoulders and lifted him to a seated position. The tears were now running down the werewolf’s face, and he made no effort to stop them. Lucretia handed Snape a small goblet containing the potion, and Snape held it to Lupin’s lips.

“I have to warn you, apparently it tastes as bad as Wolfsbane.”

Lupin swallowed the potion without flinching, then closed his eyes and rested his head against Snape’s neck. The room was silent save for the sound of Lupin’s strained, shuddering breaths. Finally, Snape broke the silence.

“Remus? Can you describe what you are feeling please? The werewolves who took it at the Institute said it made their hands tingle.”

“My hands were sort of tingling before I took it, maybe more twitching. It’s one of the signs of an attack.”

“Are you twitching now?”

Lupin drew in a sharp breath.

“No,” he said, wonderingly. “It’s… stopped. It’s stopped… It never stops like this, not until the attack is over.”

There was a release of held breaths in the room, their relief made audible.

“I think it’s working, Severus,” Lucretia said.

Snape gave a slow nod, but said nothing. They waited, Lupin lying in Snape’s arms, Andromeda perched on the end of the bed with Teddy, Harry shifting from foot to foot, Wormwood fidgeting, Lucretia standing completely still.

“Can everyone stop staring at me, please?” Lupin said eventually.

“How are you feeling?” Lucretia asked.

“I… I can’t feel any signs of an attack. It’s gone.”

Andromeda stepped across and put her arms around Snape in warm hug.

“Severus, thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to him, to us.”

Snape lifted his head slightly, moving his cheek away from where it rested against Lupin’s hair. He looked at the face of the werewolf, scarred, lined and tired, but now relaxed as the worst of the pain left his body. Despite his own illness and responsibilities, Lupin had stepped into Snape’s darkness and dragged him out of it. Kicking and screaming, Snape remembered ruefully, quite literally at times. Snape couldn’t imagine that creating a simple potion could mean as much as what Lupin had done for him, but he certainly understood the gift of being freed from such pain and suffering.

“Actually, I think that I do.”

At Snape’s words, Lupin's eyes met Snape's. For a moment he just looked at Snape, as if he was assessing something. And then Snape watched as that smile, that beautiful smile, crept across Lupin’s face like the warmth of sunrise.

“Yes,” Lupin said softly. “I think that maybe you do.”