(no subject)
I feel so old. I don't feel like I'm 22, more like Im 52. I feel like the time for being crazy and having fun has long since passed and I totally missed out on it. I wish I hadn't been so scared when I was younger. I could've enjoyed myself like everyone else instead of acting like I was already grown up, mature, and above getting wasted and being reckless. Because in the end, being careful got me nowhere. Life still came up and bit me on the ass really hard and left a mark.
I'm marked.
I'll always be marked. It's the hard truth of reality, and that's why I see no need to be cautious. If it's going to happen, it will. The more I focus my energy on it, the more it is bound to happen. What's the point in living for other people anyways? I'm a good girl, I always have been. Sometimes I just want to pack up all my shit and leave. Everything around here is so stressful and I can't handle it.
But of course, I can't leave yet. I have to finish school. I graduate in December, and then next semester I'll have nothing to do but work.
Maybe that's when I'll leave. I want to experience life with all it has to offer, good and bad. I'm so tired of being bitter and angry because I've been living in fear for so long. I don't want to be scared anymore, I want to be crazy, fun, energetic, and full of life. I just want to let loose and not worry about a damn thing. One of these days I'm going to snap, I can feel it.
I'm marked.
I'll always be marked. It's the hard truth of reality, and that's why I see no need to be cautious. If it's going to happen, it will. The more I focus my energy on it, the more it is bound to happen. What's the point in living for other people anyways? I'm a good girl, I always have been. Sometimes I just want to pack up all my shit and leave. Everything around here is so stressful and I can't handle it.
But of course, I can't leave yet. I have to finish school. I graduate in December, and then next semester I'll have nothing to do but work.
Maybe that's when I'll leave. I want to experience life with all it has to offer, good and bad. I'm so tired of being bitter and angry because I've been living in fear for so long. I don't want to be scared anymore, I want to be crazy, fun, energetic, and full of life. I just want to let loose and not worry about a damn thing. One of these days I'm going to snap, I can feel it.