middleman/dr. horrible fic: the nefarious laundry buddy crossover
Title: The Nefarious Laundry Buddy Crossover
Summary: Crossover between "The Middleman" and "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog." It starts pre-Act-One for DHS-AB and shortly after the pilot for TMM. Spoilers for all of Dr. Horrible and [I think] just general knowledge TMM stuff.
Words: 3,171
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss/Jed/Maurissa/Zack and Javi. The end.
Notes: Um... WATCH THE MIDDLEMAN. Also, there are visual aids for this fic so thanks to In A Dream Caps for the Dr. Horrible caps.
If the blond guy next to Wendy stretched his neck any farther his head was going to pop off. And this was Wendy's first day off all week; she really didn't want to call in the boss for some decapitated laundry bum.
"Do you wanna switch washers or something?"
"Yes, I mean, no-- what, I don't know why you're... why do you ask?" His right eyebrow skyrocketed; Wendy waited for her brain to catch up with his lightning-fast mumbles.
"Um, well, you seem pretty interested in Red over there, and since I'm apparently as transparent as a door I thought you might want an uninterrupted view."
"No, nah, I mean, I'm not looking at--- would you mind?"
Wendy pulled her jeans from her washer and tossed them into the one on her left as Blondie gathered his laundry back into his basket. He nodded in thanks, eye twitching nervously, and stepped in front of Wendy's old washer.
"Excuse me!" The girl Blondie had been staring at smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry, the washer just ate my last quarter; could I borrow one?"
Blondie, in turn, dropped all of his quarters and proceeded to crawl around on his hands and knees, mumbling to himself for almost ten minutes.
"Nutjob, party of one," Wendy whispered, and tossed a quarter in Red's direction.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Wendy nodded absentmindedly, trying to focus on the history lesson the Middleman had been giving her for the past hour. Something about old alien chums and a planet named after Arthurian legends and a game of strip poker that got downright hilarious. The aliens ("Extraterrestrial beings, Dubbie. Or celestial citizens, if you prefer.") were due for a set-down on Earth within the hour to renew a peace agreement they had signed with the Middleman three years ago.
"No point in going anywhere right now," Ida interrupted the Middleman, staring glassy-eyed at the H.E.Y.D.A.R.
"What do you mean? I've met with them before, I should be their welcoming party."
"Looks like Captain Cargo Pants decided his beefy arms say 'hidy ho there neighbor' better than your goofy smile," Ida smirked.
The Middleman got up from the desk to stand behind Ida. "Mavis Beacon's typo! What the heck is he doing?!"
Ida pointed at one of the video screens on the H.E.Y.D.A.R. Wendy watched as a man in a t-shirt and black gloves repeatedly slammed the head of an alien against the side of the spaceship. The alien was cross-eyed; the man's smile was blinding. Next to her, the Middleman balled his hands into fists.
"We have a very specific agreement: he takes care of the typical city villainy while I handle anything infra-, extra-, or juxta-terrestrial!" He pointed an indignant finger at the screen. "The representatives from Mordred's Moon clearly falls into the second category!"
"Hate to rain on your parade, Junior, but Captain Hammer doesn't give two hoots in hell about your agreement," Ida said. "The only things he cares about are looking good and beating up that albino kid in the big goggles."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Last night's mission involved exploding things and pus and, really, Wendy didn't want to think about it again she just wanted clean clothes. The only open washer was next to that blond guy with the odd fixation on the red-head who... was nowhere to be found. Wendy should have guessed she'd be a no-show from the look of despair on Blondie's face.
"So where's Red?"
"Penny? I mean, maybe you mean Penny. I don't know who you mean. What was the question?"
"That girl you're always going googly-eyed over: she's not here today?" Wendy tried to keep the smirk off of her face (she really, really tried).
"I guess not. I mean, she should be: she's always here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
"Got yourself a mildly-creepy crush there, Blondie."
"I don't know what you mean. And the name's Billy," he mumbled, avoiding Wendy's eyes.
"Wendy," she said, and offered her hand as the buzzer went off on their washers.
Billy pulled a long, white labcoat from his washer just as Wendy pulled her green Middleman jacket from hers. He raised an eyebrow at her uniform. "What kind of--"
Wendy held up a hand and looked between his coat and her jacket: "It's probably better if we just agree not to ask."
"Sounds good to me," he said, and slammed the dryer door.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"'Sup, my minions? It is I, Doctor Horrible. I would apologize for slacking on my blogging but I have a PhD in Horribleness so I don't have to apologize for anything. I've got some e-mails here but first: the Freeze Ray is still coming along nicely. Well, not nicely. It's not going to nicely stop the world. I mean, it will do it's job nicely, but the end result will not be nice for Captain Hammer. Um. Anyway. Oh hey, shout-out to Wendy with the Weird Green Jacket. Thanks for switching washers with me at the laundromat that one time. Ahem, not that I have to thank anyone, 'cause I have a PhD in Horribleness. Right. E-mails!"
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"Why are we watching this again?"
"Despite my personal feelings for the man, Dubbie--"
"You mean, that you think he's a complete idiot?"
"I said no such thing."
"Dude, you almost swore when he went crazy on those Mordred's Moon guys. I could practically see the [BLEEP] on the tip of your tongue."
"Language, Dubbie. Anyway, as I was saying before, despite my personal feelings for the man, Captain Hammer has provided a great service to our city and I think it only fair that we watch the ceremony that honors-- black market beagles! What's happened to him?" The Middleman leaned closer to the screen, squinting at the frozen Captain Hammer. Wendy stood on her tip-toes and peered over his shoulder, her eyes drawn to a familiar white labcoat.
"I know him!"
"Who? The frozen one? We all know him, Dubbie."
"No, the one doing the freezing."
"The albino in the goggles?" Ida suggested, plugging into the H.E.Y.D.A.R. The wall of screens behind the desk flared to life with a high-def feed of the new homeless shelter.
"Yeah, his name's--"
"Dr. Horrible."
"No, I mean his real name. [BLEEP], what the [BLEEP] was his name?!"
"Really, Dubbie!"
"Billy! His name's Billy. We go to the same laundromat."
Ida turned to the Middleman: "Your trainee is bleaching her undies with wannabe members of the Evil League of Evil. Oh yeah, you sure know how to pick 'em."
There was a flash of light and a bang! from the screens and they watched as Captain Hammer ran screaming for his mother and Dr. Horrible stood over a dying Penny.
"Allow me to amend my previous statement," Ida said. "Your trainee is bleaching her undies with actual members of the Evil League of Evil."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
At Dr. Horrible's first Evil League of Evil meeting he learned several things:
01. Never sit next to Dead Bowie or Snake Bite. Dead Bowie smelled like formaldehyde and Snake Bite had a tendency to lose control and, well, bite. It was safer (and easier to breathe) at the other end of the table.
02. The League had its own laundry service. Tie-Die told the story of how she coerced the owner of a local dry cleaner to hand-wash all of her shirts for free, and how everything escalated from there, but Dr. Horrible wasn't really listening. He was adjusting to the idea of never doing laundry again. It didn't sound so bad.
03. Just like superheroes always seemed to have a roster of the supervillains, the supervillains kept a roster of the superheroes. The Evil League of Evil kept their list of the local "heroes" tacked to the wall; Fake Thomas Jefferson wrote it out himself in his large, swirling scrawl. Fury Leika handed Dr. Horrible a red Sharpie and he took devilish delight in crossing out the first name on the list: Captain Hammer. The second name was one he didn't recognize. "Who's the Middleman?" he asked.
04. With the demise of Captain Hammer, the Middleman became the League's Number One Foe. Professor Normal gave a history of the Middleman in a long-winded, wheezing voice that reminded Dr. Horrible of college lectures he didn't pay attention to (because he was too busy sketching early drafts of the TransMatter Ray). In the end, it was clear that the League didn't know much about the Middleman at all, just that he fought evil and, therefore, he must be stopped.
05. And finally, the crullers they had for breakfast were take-out from Batter of the Bulge, the World War II-themed pancake house two blocks away.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Following his success in defeating Captain Hammer, the League allowed Dr. Horrible the first crack at the Middleman. Despite the lack of background information - What does he look like? Who does he work for? What are his powers? Is he as massive a tool as Captain Hammer? - Dr. Horrible took the most obvious route.
Dressed in his new red labcoat, he took the employees and customers of the Booty Chest [the pirate-themed sports bar with the scantily clad waitresses, arrr] hostage, filming the entire process and uploading the video to his blog in real-time while Moist guarded the front door. Hoisting his repaired Death Ray into the air, Dr. Horrible looked directly into his webcam: "I want the Middleman here in twenty minutes, or people start dying." He switched off the camera halfway through his laugh.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"I can't allow you to do this," the Middleman said, following Wendy through the halls of HQ toward the garage.
"I have to do this. I can talk to him; I know him, this was all a mistake. This isn't Billy: the hostages, Penny's death, this whole evil genius thing..."
"And why can't I go with you?"
"'Cause he's more than a little nutso right now so having strangers with large guns strapped to their legs participating in our conversation probably wouldn't help the situation."
"I don't like this, Dubbie, not one bit."
"Hey, I didn't like it either the last time you wanted to go off on your own but I let you, didn't I?"
"That thing with the flesh-eating, animatronic, 3-toed sloth? I had to tie you to the car and you screamed obscenities for an hour."
"You still went alone, didn't you?"
The Middleman held up a gauze-wrapped pinkie. "And didn't I also say afterward that I wished you had come along?"
"I'm. Going." Wendy opened the driver's side door of the Middlemobile 2.
"Fine, but I'm driving you and keeping an eye on the situation via the Real Time Situation Recording Archive and the Middlewatch." He took the keys from her hand and shoo-ed her into the passenger seat. Before he climbed into the car he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "Here, look at this while I drive. Dr. Horrible may be relatively new to the field, but his boss certainly isn't. You should have some idea of what you're walking into, who this man is influenced by."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
The following is a photocopy from Nemeses of the 1990's, which can be found in the Archive Room of Middleman HQ.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
True to his word, the Middleman waited in the car, making a show of turning up the volume on his Middlewatch. "I'm here if this gets out of hand."
"I'm surprised you didn't say when this gets out of hand."
"Just because I don't like you going in alone doesn't mean I don't have faith in you. Just be careful."
She was almost to the door of the Booty Chest when hands grabbed her from behind. Wendy swept the leg and heard a muffled groan as her attacker hit the pavement. She grabbed the front of the man's shirt and hauled him to his feet.
"What the hell, Billy's got henchmen now?"
"My name is Moist--"
"That is the most lame-ass supervillain name ever." Wendy tightened her grip on Moist's soggy t-shirt. He flailed wildly, trying to free himself from her grip, and left wet handprints on the sleeves of her uniform jacket. "Okay, this is just getting nasty. Take me to your master, or whatever. I'm here to see Billy."
"That's Dr. Horrible to you," Moist said, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt when Wendy let him go.
"Whatever, let's go," Wendy muttered, shoving Moist towards the Booty Chest's front door. He held the door open for her and she almost laughed at the gentlemanly action.
"Hey, Doc! Someone here to see you!" Moist called out, pushed Wendy the rest of the way into the sports bar, then closed the door behind her to stand guard on the other side.
"Wendy?" Dr. Horrible maneuvered his way between tables. As he passed by one of the busboys tied up on the floor, he knocked the parrot off of the kid's shoulder. "You're the Middleman?"
"Almost. I work with him, he's my boss." Wendy waved a hand in front of Dr. Horrible's goggles. "Can you even see out of those things?"
He slapped her hand away. "Cut it out. I want the Middleman."
"I hear ya, but I thought maybe you and I could talk first. Laundry buddy to laundry buddy."
"Don't call me 'buddy," he growled, mouth twitching. "You're wasting my time. The ultimatum specifically stated that I wanted the Middleman here or people would die."
"Billy, listen--"
"I'm not Billy, I'm Dr. Horrible. I have a PhD--"
"--in Horribleness, so I've heard. But this - all of this evil supervillain stuff - it's just a big misunderstanding. I mean, we both know you didn't mean to kill Penny."
"Yes, I did. It's Evil 101 - if you want to destroy someone, destroy someone they love."
"Oh c'mon, you weren't exactly subtle; you loved her, too, buddy." There was a flash of movement and suddenly Wendy was pressed against the wall, her own molecular stun-cannon at her neck.
"I said don't call me 'buddy.'"
"Okay, Doc, no problem. Dr. Horrible. I got it." He pulled her away from the wall and shoved her to the ground. Wendy's Middlewatch hit the tile floor with a beep! She cringed: Here come the reinforcements.
Dr. Horrible stood over her, the stun-cannon still leveled at her chest. "So, are you ready to take me seriously, Wendy with the Weird Green Jacket, employee of the Middleman? You gonna have your boss come in now?"
Wendy lifted her wrist to show him the Middlewatch. "He's probably running across the parking lot and decking that Moist guy right now." She expected Dr. Horrible to look nervous, to get that anxious, twitchy look on his face like he used to back when he was Billy and he couldn't even talk to Penny. But he didn't. He looked relieved, in control. Oh [BLEEP], this won't end well.
Before either of them could say another word, the door slammed open; The Middleman stood silhouetted in the doorway, holding Moist by the collar of his t-shirt. "Eyes, Dubbie!" He shouted and activated the Concussive Stun Field Generator. Wendy and the Middleman threw their arms over their eyes; so did Dr. Horrible. The hostages slumped even farther in their bonds and Moist dropped to the floor.
"Nice try, Middleman," Dr. Horrible said, pulling Wendy from the floor and aiming her gun at the Middleman instead. "I am Dr. Horr--"
"I know who you are," the Middleman interrupted.
Dr. Horrible's grip on Wendy's arm tightened. "For once I would love it if someone let me finish." The Middleman nodded. "I am Dr. Horrible. And you are now my arch-nemesis... for the next three minutes or so. I can't believe how easy it was to lure you here. My plan--"
"I swear, Doc, if you say that your plan was 'sheer elegance in its simplicity' I'm gonna bust up laughing."
"Shut up, Wendy!" Dr. Horrible shoved her away and aimed her molecular stun-cannon at one of the bound-and-gagged scantily clad waitresses. Before he could pull the trigger, Wendy tackled him, knocking his goggles off. As she did, someone started banging on the front door: Dead Bowie had come to help Dr. Horrible and was trying to break down the front door that the Middleman had locked behind him. For a moment, Wendy thought she was in a zombie movie.
"Dubbie, subdue the Doctor!" The Middleman had started rousing the hostages, untying them and directing them towards the open back door, glancing back at the front door every few seconds to make sure Dr. Horrible's back-up had not gained entrance. Wendy plucked her stun-cannon from Dr. Horrible's slack grip and flipped him over onto his back.
"Billy, c'mon, I know you. You're not a bad guy. This is all just... I don't know what, but we can help. Remorse is, like, the first of the Evil Dudes' 12 Steps, or something. You have to feel bad about killing Penny, I know it."
"I don't!" His eyes darkened and his voice was low and serious. "I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything." Wendy's Middlewatch beeped again and she raised her arm to see what it said. When she fell to the floor, it hadn't activated the Alert function; instead it had started running the Voice Stress Analysis: Confidence 100% was flashing across the watchface. He really doesn't feel, she thought. Behind her, Wendy could hear the Middleman fending off Dead Bowie.
"Wendy!" The Middleman's voice was laced with frustration. "A timely exit would not be remiss!"
Wendy looked back down at Dr. Horrible's face. "Looks like you've got yourself some arch-nemeses here, Doc." She pulled her fist back and punched him in the face. He fell back to the floor - one hand to his eye, the other groping blindly on the ground, searching for his goggles. "See you around."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Back at Middleman HQ, Wendy Watson updated the MiddleLore for the first time.
08.08. Bossman and I have an arch-nemesis now. His name's Dr. Horrible (formerly Billy of the Laundromat). Completely apathetic. Will undoubtedly prove dangerous in the future.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Summary: Crossover between "The Middleman" and "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog." It starts pre-Act-One for DHS-AB and shortly after the pilot for TMM. Spoilers for all of Dr. Horrible and [I think] just general knowledge TMM stuff.
Words: 3,171
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss/Jed/Maurissa/Zack and Javi. The end.
Notes: Um... WATCH THE MIDDLEMAN. Also, there are visual aids for this fic so thanks to In A Dream Caps for the Dr. Horrible caps.
If the blond guy next to Wendy stretched his neck any farther his head was going to pop off. And this was Wendy's first day off all week; she really didn't want to call in the boss for some decapitated laundry bum.
"Do you wanna switch washers or something?"
"Yes, I mean, no-- what, I don't know why you're... why do you ask?" His right eyebrow skyrocketed; Wendy waited for her brain to catch up with his lightning-fast mumbles.
"Um, well, you seem pretty interested in Red over there, and since I'm apparently as transparent as a door I thought you might want an uninterrupted view."
"No, nah, I mean, I'm not looking at--- would you mind?"
Wendy pulled her jeans from her washer and tossed them into the one on her left as Blondie gathered his laundry back into his basket. He nodded in thanks, eye twitching nervously, and stepped in front of Wendy's old washer.
"Excuse me!" The girl Blondie had been staring at smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry, the washer just ate my last quarter; could I borrow one?"
Blondie, in turn, dropped all of his quarters and proceeded to crawl around on his hands and knees, mumbling to himself for almost ten minutes.
"Nutjob, party of one," Wendy whispered, and tossed a quarter in Red's direction.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Wendy nodded absentmindedly, trying to focus on the history lesson the Middleman had been giving her for the past hour. Something about old alien chums and a planet named after Arthurian legends and a game of strip poker that got downright hilarious. The aliens ("Extraterrestrial beings, Dubbie. Or celestial citizens, if you prefer.") were due for a set-down on Earth within the hour to renew a peace agreement they had signed with the Middleman three years ago.
"No point in going anywhere right now," Ida interrupted the Middleman, staring glassy-eyed at the H.E.Y.D.A.R.
"What do you mean? I've met with them before, I should be their welcoming party."
"Looks like Captain Cargo Pants decided his beefy arms say 'hidy ho there neighbor' better than your goofy smile," Ida smirked.
The Middleman got up from the desk to stand behind Ida. "Mavis Beacon's typo! What the heck is he doing?!"
Ida pointed at one of the video screens on the H.E.Y.D.A.R. Wendy watched as a man in a t-shirt and black gloves repeatedly slammed the head of an alien against the side of the spaceship. The alien was cross-eyed; the man's smile was blinding. Next to her, the Middleman balled his hands into fists.
"We have a very specific agreement: he takes care of the typical city villainy while I handle anything infra-, extra-, or juxta-terrestrial!" He pointed an indignant finger at the screen. "The representatives from Mordred's Moon clearly falls into the second category!"
"Hate to rain on your parade, Junior, but Captain Hammer doesn't give two hoots in hell about your agreement," Ida said. "The only things he cares about are looking good and beating up that albino kid in the big goggles."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Last night's mission involved exploding things and pus and, really, Wendy didn't want to think about it again she just wanted clean clothes. The only open washer was next to that blond guy with the odd fixation on the red-head who... was nowhere to be found. Wendy should have guessed she'd be a no-show from the look of despair on Blondie's face.
"So where's Red?"
"Penny? I mean, maybe you mean Penny. I don't know who you mean. What was the question?"
"That girl you're always going googly-eyed over: she's not here today?" Wendy tried to keep the smirk off of her face (she really, really tried).
"I guess not. I mean, she should be: she's always here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."
"Got yourself a mildly-creepy crush there, Blondie."
"I don't know what you mean. And the name's Billy," he mumbled, avoiding Wendy's eyes.
"Wendy," she said, and offered her hand as the buzzer went off on their washers.
Billy pulled a long, white labcoat from his washer just as Wendy pulled her green Middleman jacket from hers. He raised an eyebrow at her uniform. "What kind of--"
Wendy held up a hand and looked between his coat and her jacket: "It's probably better if we just agree not to ask."
"Sounds good to me," he said, and slammed the dryer door.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"'Sup, my minions? It is I, Doctor Horrible. I would apologize for slacking on my blogging but I have a PhD in Horribleness so I don't have to apologize for anything. I've got some e-mails here but first: the Freeze Ray is still coming along nicely. Well, not nicely. It's not going to nicely stop the world. I mean, it will do it's job nicely, but the end result will not be nice for Captain Hammer. Um. Anyway. Oh hey, shout-out to Wendy with the Weird Green Jacket. Thanks for switching washers with me at the laundromat that one time. Ahem, not that I have to thank anyone, 'cause I have a PhD in Horribleness. Right. E-mails!"
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"Why are we watching this again?"
"Despite my personal feelings for the man, Dubbie--"
"You mean, that you think he's a complete idiot?"
"I said no such thing."
"Dude, you almost swore when he went crazy on those Mordred's Moon guys. I could practically see the [BLEEP] on the tip of your tongue."
"Language, Dubbie. Anyway, as I was saying before, despite my personal feelings for the man, Captain Hammer has provided a great service to our city and I think it only fair that we watch the ceremony that honors-- black market beagles! What's happened to him?" The Middleman leaned closer to the screen, squinting at the frozen Captain Hammer. Wendy stood on her tip-toes and peered over his shoulder, her eyes drawn to a familiar white labcoat.
"I know him!"
"Who? The frozen one? We all know him, Dubbie."
"No, the one doing the freezing."
"The albino in the goggles?" Ida suggested, plugging into the H.E.Y.D.A.R. The wall of screens behind the desk flared to life with a high-def feed of the new homeless shelter.
"Yeah, his name's--"
"Dr. Horrible."
"No, I mean his real name. [BLEEP], what the [BLEEP] was his name?!"
"Really, Dubbie!"
"Billy! His name's Billy. We go to the same laundromat."
Ida turned to the Middleman: "Your trainee is bleaching her undies with wannabe members of the Evil League of Evil. Oh yeah, you sure know how to pick 'em."
There was a flash of light and a bang! from the screens and they watched as Captain Hammer ran screaming for his mother and Dr. Horrible stood over a dying Penny.
"Allow me to amend my previous statement," Ida said. "Your trainee is bleaching her undies with actual members of the Evil League of Evil."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
At Dr. Horrible's first Evil League of Evil meeting he learned several things:
01. Never sit next to Dead Bowie or Snake Bite. Dead Bowie smelled like formaldehyde and Snake Bite had a tendency to lose control and, well, bite. It was safer (and easier to breathe) at the other end of the table.
02. The League had its own laundry service. Tie-Die told the story of how she coerced the owner of a local dry cleaner to hand-wash all of her shirts for free, and how everything escalated from there, but Dr. Horrible wasn't really listening. He was adjusting to the idea of never doing laundry again. It didn't sound so bad.
03. Just like superheroes always seemed to have a roster of the supervillains, the supervillains kept a roster of the superheroes. The Evil League of Evil kept their list of the local "heroes" tacked to the wall; Fake Thomas Jefferson wrote it out himself in his large, swirling scrawl. Fury Leika handed Dr. Horrible a red Sharpie and he took devilish delight in crossing out the first name on the list: Captain Hammer. The second name was one he didn't recognize. "Who's the Middleman?" he asked.
04. With the demise of Captain Hammer, the Middleman became the League's Number One Foe. Professor Normal gave a history of the Middleman in a long-winded, wheezing voice that reminded Dr. Horrible of college lectures he didn't pay attention to (because he was too busy sketching early drafts of the TransMatter Ray). In the end, it was clear that the League didn't know much about the Middleman at all, just that he fought evil and, therefore, he must be stopped.
05. And finally, the crullers they had for breakfast were take-out from Batter of the Bulge, the World War II-themed pancake house two blocks away.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
Following his success in defeating Captain Hammer, the League allowed Dr. Horrible the first crack at the Middleman. Despite the lack of background information - What does he look like? Who does he work for? What are his powers? Is he as massive a tool as Captain Hammer? - Dr. Horrible took the most obvious route.
Dressed in his new red labcoat, he took the employees and customers of the Booty Chest [the pirate-themed sports bar with the scantily clad waitresses, arrr] hostage, filming the entire process and uploading the video to his blog in real-time while Moist guarded the front door. Hoisting his repaired Death Ray into the air, Dr. Horrible looked directly into his webcam: "I want the Middleman here in twenty minutes, or people start dying." He switched off the camera halfway through his laugh.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
"I can't allow you to do this," the Middleman said, following Wendy through the halls of HQ toward the garage.
"I have to do this. I can talk to him; I know him, this was all a mistake. This isn't Billy: the hostages, Penny's death, this whole evil genius thing..."
"And why can't I go with you?"
"'Cause he's more than a little nutso right now so having strangers with large guns strapped to their legs participating in our conversation probably wouldn't help the situation."
"I don't like this, Dubbie, not one bit."
"Hey, I didn't like it either the last time you wanted to go off on your own but I let you, didn't I?"
"That thing with the flesh-eating, animatronic, 3-toed sloth? I had to tie you to the car and you screamed obscenities for an hour."
"You still went alone, didn't you?"
The Middleman held up a gauze-wrapped pinkie. "And didn't I also say afterward that I wished you had come along?"
"I'm. Going." Wendy opened the driver's side door of the Middlemobile 2.
"Fine, but I'm driving you and keeping an eye on the situation via the Real Time Situation Recording Archive and the Middlewatch." He took the keys from her hand and shoo-ed her into the passenger seat. Before he climbed into the car he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. "Here, look at this while I drive. Dr. Horrible may be relatively new to the field, but his boss certainly isn't. You should have some idea of what you're walking into, who this man is influenced by."
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
The following is a photocopy from Nemeses of the 1990's, which can be found in the Archive Room of Middleman HQ.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
True to his word, the Middleman waited in the car, making a show of turning up the volume on his Middlewatch. "I'm here if this gets out of hand."
"I'm surprised you didn't say when this gets out of hand."
"Just because I don't like you going in alone doesn't mean I don't have faith in you. Just be careful."
She was almost to the door of the Booty Chest when hands grabbed her from behind. Wendy swept the leg and heard a muffled groan as her attacker hit the pavement. She grabbed the front of the man's shirt and hauled him to his feet.
"What the hell, Billy's got henchmen now?"
"My name is Moist--"
"That is the most lame-ass supervillain name ever." Wendy tightened her grip on Moist's soggy t-shirt. He flailed wildly, trying to free himself from her grip, and left wet handprints on the sleeves of her uniform jacket. "Okay, this is just getting nasty. Take me to your master, or whatever. I'm here to see Billy."
"That's Dr. Horrible to you," Moist said, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt when Wendy let him go.
"Whatever, let's go," Wendy muttered, shoving Moist towards the Booty Chest's front door. He held the door open for her and she almost laughed at the gentlemanly action.
"Hey, Doc! Someone here to see you!" Moist called out, pushed Wendy the rest of the way into the sports bar, then closed the door behind her to stand guard on the other side.
"Wendy?" Dr. Horrible maneuvered his way between tables. As he passed by one of the busboys tied up on the floor, he knocked the parrot off of the kid's shoulder. "You're the Middleman?"
"Almost. I work with him, he's my boss." Wendy waved a hand in front of Dr. Horrible's goggles. "Can you even see out of those things?"
He slapped her hand away. "Cut it out. I want the Middleman."
"I hear ya, but I thought maybe you and I could talk first. Laundry buddy to laundry buddy."
"Don't call me 'buddy," he growled, mouth twitching. "You're wasting my time. The ultimatum specifically stated that I wanted the Middleman here or people would die."
"Billy, listen--"
"I'm not Billy, I'm Dr. Horrible. I have a PhD--"
"--in Horribleness, so I've heard. But this - all of this evil supervillain stuff - it's just a big misunderstanding. I mean, we both know you didn't mean to kill Penny."
"Yes, I did. It's Evil 101 - if you want to destroy someone, destroy someone they love."
"Oh c'mon, you weren't exactly subtle; you loved her, too, buddy." There was a flash of movement and suddenly Wendy was pressed against the wall, her own molecular stun-cannon at her neck.
"I said don't call me 'buddy.'"
"Okay, Doc, no problem. Dr. Horrible. I got it." He pulled her away from the wall and shoved her to the ground. Wendy's Middlewatch hit the tile floor with a beep! She cringed: Here come the reinforcements.
Dr. Horrible stood over her, the stun-cannon still leveled at her chest. "So, are you ready to take me seriously, Wendy with the Weird Green Jacket, employee of the Middleman? You gonna have your boss come in now?"
Wendy lifted her wrist to show him the Middlewatch. "He's probably running across the parking lot and decking that Moist guy right now." She expected Dr. Horrible to look nervous, to get that anxious, twitchy look on his face like he used to back when he was Billy and he couldn't even talk to Penny. But he didn't. He looked relieved, in control. Oh [BLEEP], this won't end well.
Before either of them could say another word, the door slammed open; The Middleman stood silhouetted in the doorway, holding Moist by the collar of his t-shirt. "Eyes, Dubbie!" He shouted and activated the Concussive Stun Field Generator. Wendy and the Middleman threw their arms over their eyes; so did Dr. Horrible. The hostages slumped even farther in their bonds and Moist dropped to the floor.
"Nice try, Middleman," Dr. Horrible said, pulling Wendy from the floor and aiming her gun at the Middleman instead. "I am Dr. Horr--"
"I know who you are," the Middleman interrupted.
Dr. Horrible's grip on Wendy's arm tightened. "For once I would love it if someone let me finish." The Middleman nodded. "I am Dr. Horrible. And you are now my arch-nemesis... for the next three minutes or so. I can't believe how easy it was to lure you here. My plan--"
"I swear, Doc, if you say that your plan was 'sheer elegance in its simplicity' I'm gonna bust up laughing."
"Shut up, Wendy!" Dr. Horrible shoved her away and aimed her molecular stun-cannon at one of the bound-and-gagged scantily clad waitresses. Before he could pull the trigger, Wendy tackled him, knocking his goggles off. As she did, someone started banging on the front door: Dead Bowie had come to help Dr. Horrible and was trying to break down the front door that the Middleman had locked behind him. For a moment, Wendy thought she was in a zombie movie.
"Dubbie, subdue the Doctor!" The Middleman had started rousing the hostages, untying them and directing them towards the open back door, glancing back at the front door every few seconds to make sure Dr. Horrible's back-up had not gained entrance. Wendy plucked her stun-cannon from Dr. Horrible's slack grip and flipped him over onto his back.
"Billy, c'mon, I know you. You're not a bad guy. This is all just... I don't know what, but we can help. Remorse is, like, the first of the Evil Dudes' 12 Steps, or something. You have to feel bad about killing Penny, I know it."
"I don't!" His eyes darkened and his voice was low and serious. "I don't feel bad. I don't feel anything." Wendy's Middlewatch beeped again and she raised her arm to see what it said. When she fell to the floor, it hadn't activated the Alert function; instead it had started running the Voice Stress Analysis: Confidence 100% was flashing across the watchface. He really doesn't feel, she thought. Behind her, Wendy could hear the Middleman fending off Dead Bowie.
"Wendy!" The Middleman's voice was laced with frustration. "A timely exit would not be remiss!"
Wendy looked back down at Dr. Horrible's face. "Looks like you've got yourself some arch-nemeses here, Doc." She pulled her fist back and punched him in the face. He fell back to the floor - one hand to his eye, the other groping blindly on the ground, searching for his goggles. "See you around."
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Back at Middleman HQ, Wendy Watson updated the MiddleLore for the first time.
08.08. Bossman and I have an arch-nemesis now. His name's Dr. Horrible (formerly Billy of the Laundromat). Completely apathetic. Will undoubtedly prove dangerous in the future.
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