Title: When You Cry [1/2]
Pairing: Bobby/Hanbin
Rating: PG
Type: Bandfic
Genre: Angst, fluff
Length: Two-shot
Summary: It takes some time, but Hanbin learns to give and take comfort.
A/N: It's angsty but sweet.
The first time Hanbin hears Bobby cry is within three months of their first year together in the trainee dorms.
At first Hanbin couldn't tell what the sound was. It wasn't until morning when Hanbin was greeted by a bright smiling face with slightly puffy eyes that he realized what he heard was actually small sniffles and occasional hiccups.
Hanbin doesn't say anything and neither does Bobby.
But Hanbin pays attention and he knows the reasons as to why Bobby breaks. Phone calls home at weird hours in the night to talk to a family time zones away. The voice on the other side having all the power to make Bobby laugh and further strengthen his resolve for a distant but seeable dream.
Then comes the homesickness and second guessing in silent waves. It’s soft and muffled in the quiet of the dorm, but Hanbin wakes for it anyway. Maybe he’s tuned to hear him specifically or just never really sleeping. In either case it’s Hanbin who always stills himself, feigning sleep. And Hanbin who listens to how many times his own heart can break with every shaky breath Bobby makes thinking no one else can hear.
For that, Hanbin knows Bobby doesn't quite call home as often.
Eventually more people join them and their dorm becomes a crowded mess of young men and their belongings. The lack of privacy is alarming and the showers never really run hot unless you're the first one up at 5 in the morning. But they're family and Hanbin looks out for them all the best he can.
The added heads makes Bobby a hyung over more people other than him and Hanbin likes to think that Bobby likes the responsibility. Even though he still acts like a kid who whines for attention and laughs at anything and everything you say. But, it makes Bobby's eye smile brighter and the nights spent in loneliness rare and distant.
But, there's still times where the love hurts too much. Especially when it’s for something missing.
There are many nights where Hanbin stays out at the studios for too long into morning. Returning because there are no showers there and he needs fresh clothes. He receives in payment for his hard work a welcoming bed instead of a computer desk and the site of what he fights for sound asleep with their dreams.
He’ll stare at one in particular, wondering if he had missed yet another moment to comfort the hyung who is nothing but comfort for him. He’ll turn away yet again with his guilt and fall into his own sheets. Then let out a quiet sigh before he's left to enjoy what little minutes are left of the darkness outside.
Practice, training, instructions. Hours and hours go past them. Hanbin often wonders why such a romantic word like dream is used to describe what he works for. Yes, he dreams of the big stage, of the screaming fans, of the countless albums on his book self all with his name in them. However, he doesn't dream about the stress or the pain, or the sweat, or the tears. Even when they debut the workload will still be there. So what part of this journey is as carefree as a dream?
He often thinks about stuff like that when he's locked out of the YG building due to holidays or, lately, fatigue catching up to him. On these days he stays in bed in an oversized hoodie and sheets pulled up to his chin. A notebook and pencil remain reach incase nagging inspiration comes to his constantly talking mind. Night eventually descends, the lights get turned off and the dorm quiets after a rush of "good night"‘s fill the air and Hanbin is no more closer to sleep then he was in the morning.
As he tosses about in his bed, wads of paper tumble off to be surely kicked and become lost in the mess of Bobby's things or under someone's bed. He contemplates the symptoms of insomnia now.
Later while in his imagery of jumping flocks of sheep, he hears it. A sudden pang arises in his chest and he knows he can’t ignore it. Not this time. Not ever again.
The muffled sound comes again and Hanbin is up. He grabs the box of tissues next to his bed, maneuvers over Bobby’s mess of things, and comes to sit in the soft folds of Bobby's comforter. Hanbin's hand finds a shoulder and he pushes it down until a face stares back at him.
Tears welled up in those gentle eyes spill over and Hanbin's breath stops when the expression looking back at him seems to say what took you so long?
"Jiwon-ah," Hanbin whispers.
It's abrupt but all the same feelings are there just if he were to do it gently. Hanbin crashes against Bobby's chest as the other starts to move to sit up. His arms encircle Bobby and the action is returned with, at first, hesitancy and lightness, but Bobby's head buries itself into Hanbin's shoulder and his hands cling to the material on Hanbin's back.
A quiet sigh relieves itself and then a heavy held back sob.
"Let it out. It's okay. I'm here." Hanbin repeats again and again, arms tightening around him all the while.
Tissues are used, tears dry, the guilt on Hanbin's conscious fades, and they lie on their sides facing each other. There are shared whispers and small laughs, but mostly they stay in comfortable silence. Hanbin watches, admires, Bobby normally from far away but now they're so close in the blue glow of the night light that makes the shadows warp the features of their faces.
"You're even uglier in the darkness. How can that be?" Bobby teases.
"You're one to talk," Hanbin says as he picks up one of Pooh's plush dangly arms and uses it push Bobby's face away.
Bobby smiles and it's the one thing that doesn't get warped.
Hanbin doesn't hesitate anymore. On the first few notes of a whimper from a bad dream or a shaky breath that details what’s to come Hanbin climbs out of his bed and into another's. In truth it's only every so often and after months of build up, but on those nights the worse is never allowed to come and Hanbin sleeps soundly next to the warmest comfort he knows.
Other times, it's Bobby who comes to him. A wetness in the eyes that has yet to accumulate enough to spill or a shaky "Hanbin-ah" immediately has Hanbin folding back his covers. He welcomes Bobby in and the little plush friend that's been dragged along. A kiss on the forehead for them both.
And then there's times when Hanbin comes back for his minutes of sleep and his empty bed isn't as inviting as it used to be. Instead he turns to one that's already warm and filled with someone who welcomes the intrusion without comment.
Sleep comes easy on nights like these. For more than one.
A/N:Thank you for reading my first uploaded ikon / double b fic (◡‿◡✿) Stay tuned for part two~
Comments make me happy.