LJ Idol Season 8, Week 14: "Twitterpated"

[copyright1983]

"You and Me"

Comments

[copyright1983]

Your criticisms were spot-on. I guess that's what's meant by "show, don't tell." I've made some changes along those lines; hopefully they help.

Should the link to the song be at the top of the entry, to help those who don't know it?

Thanks for your insights.

[whipchick]

I like knowing more about the characters, you've made the meeting very clear, and it's easy to believe that they like each other. It's cute, they're sweet, and it's nicely written, but as a stand-alone story, the reader may need more than a meeting - why is this important? Does it have larger ramifications outside their bodies? Is there something special about Jesse or Sheila that gives this meeting weight? What are the stakes? What's at risk

[copyright1983]

I agree that I tend to focus on "moments" rather than "arcs", and that I need to do a better job at "hiding the ball," so to speak. Beyond that, well...there's a lot to think about here, and I'll need some time to process it all and give a more coherent reply.

Thanks so much for the feedback!

[lawchicky]

Awww

[copyright1983]

:) Thanks for reading!

[alien_infinity]

I enjoyed this!

[copyright1983]

Thanks for reading!

[dillyroo]

nice!

[copyright1983]

Thanks for reading! (Now go vote!)

[noodledays]

wow, this was a fun, really sweet story. :)

[copyright1983]

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!