(no subject)
this started as a blog on myspace and turned into a song?
im no longer growing up im getting older
i wasn't where i wanted to be in life.. i was hiding behind false happiness induced by an injection of desperately needed attention.. things happened for a reason.. i have had time alone to find out who and what i really am.. as i sat in parking lots and all my hiding spots in the best parts of this town.. i realized the only way to go is up from being so far down.. i learned to not say never and i know that forever being decided could have been my secret killer waiting to strike.. as i smoked each cigarette to the filter i realized i was unstable and wondered "will this be my last night".. but i'm still alive.. and i'm doing fine.. i didn't give myself the time to figure this out.. probably cause of the emotional abuse and years of self doubt.. but i dug my own hole.. now i'm climbing out.. im better off than i have ever been in my entire life.. i used to need drugs like a mask to disguise the pain.. but scars are something i can't change and i needed to accept that they are a part of me that is here to stay.. they don't hurt.. they are just there.. i dwelled on memories.. now i've learned not to care.. after a state of apathy i decided to try doing whats best for me.. now i am becoming something more than the nothing i thought i was.. probably because i've had all this time on my hands to discover who and what i really am.. im glad everyone i ever cared about gave up on me cause now i can see who really cares about me.. and they are the ones that will always be there.. im sorry i pushed so many away but the ones worth my time are here to stay.. even if i knew it or not they never forgot about me even when i was lost.. however somehow i found myself after looking in the wrong places... i know now I can't find me in anyone else.. if i feel incomplete i can't depend on a girl to fill all the empty spaces.. im living for myself.. forget the doubt.. i dug my hole then i laid down but no one else can bury me now because i climbed out.
im no longer growing up im getting older
i wasn't where i wanted to be in life.. i was hiding behind false happiness induced by an injection of desperately needed attention.. things happened for a reason.. i have had time alone to find out who and what i really am.. as i sat in parking lots and all my hiding spots in the best parts of this town.. i realized the only way to go is up from being so far down.. i learned to not say never and i know that forever being decided could have been my secret killer waiting to strike.. as i smoked each cigarette to the filter i realized i was unstable and wondered "will this be my last night".. but i'm still alive.. and i'm doing fine.. i didn't give myself the time to figure this out.. probably cause of the emotional abuse and years of self doubt.. but i dug my own hole.. now i'm climbing out.. im better off than i have ever been in my entire life.. i used to need drugs like a mask to disguise the pain.. but scars are something i can't change and i needed to accept that they are a part of me that is here to stay.. they don't hurt.. they are just there.. i dwelled on memories.. now i've learned not to care.. after a state of apathy i decided to try doing whats best for me.. now i am becoming something more than the nothing i thought i was.. probably because i've had all this time on my hands to discover who and what i really am.. im glad everyone i ever cared about gave up on me cause now i can see who really cares about me.. and they are the ones that will always be there.. im sorry i pushed so many away but the ones worth my time are here to stay.. even if i knew it or not they never forgot about me even when i was lost.. however somehow i found myself after looking in the wrong places... i know now I can't find me in anyone else.. if i feel incomplete i can't depend on a girl to fill all the empty spaces.. im living for myself.. forget the doubt.. i dug my hole then i laid down but no one else can bury me now because i climbed out.