(no subject)
I wish I was a little kid again. The kids at school today were so wired and excited all about Halloween and their costumes. They had a night of walking around in a costume in the dark getting free candy to look forward to. And I am jealous. Halloween used to be fun, now its another night to work on papers and plans.
I could come out with a blanket statement that I hate my life and I hate being an adult. But that isn't completely true. My life is overall pretty good. I have a great family and an amazing fiance. And being an adult isnt all bad. I like having money and being able to drive wherever I need to go when I want to go there. I love the idea of getting my own house someday very soon and having a family. So I don't hate my life.
I could also say that I hate my job. But not completely true either. I love teaching. I love making a good plan and seeing it go through. I love the ease with which I can get up in front of a group of kids and teach them something they didn't know. I love seeing the lightbulb go off when a student can finally tell me 4x9=36 without blinking and gets so excited. So maybe I love my career but not my job.
I hate my current situation. There seems to be so much bullshit going on at work right now with stupid beareucratic bullshit like evaluations and new regulations and special ed directors that don't know their ass from their elbow that I am completely exhausted every night and so anxious the minute I wake up in the morning. I don't let on to people but I feel completely frazzled ALL the time. My mind is constantly going about this problem or that situation at school. I'm always thinking about how I'll get plans made for teaching and papers done for grad school. I feel like I never get a chance to just relax and not think about "my job." It's like this heavy weighing rock on my back all the time. The thought of this being my life for the next 38-40 years makes me feel like I might have an anxiety attack.
I've been looking for new jobs online. There was one online for Prentice Hall Education Publishing, but its in Boston and I don't know if I would really want to get out of teaching. I'd like to try to get into another district, but schools don't hire until the summer and there aren't many education jobs around right now. So I feel like I'm stuck. I'm unhappy and always stressed but I don't have much of an option. I need my job and this summer is really not a good one for me to look for another job because of the wedding and stuff. So, yeah...gotta love it when you don't know what to do next...
I could come out with a blanket statement that I hate my life and I hate being an adult. But that isn't completely true. My life is overall pretty good. I have a great family and an amazing fiance. And being an adult isnt all bad. I like having money and being able to drive wherever I need to go when I want to go there. I love the idea of getting my own house someday very soon and having a family. So I don't hate my life.
I could also say that I hate my job. But not completely true either. I love teaching. I love making a good plan and seeing it go through. I love the ease with which I can get up in front of a group of kids and teach them something they didn't know. I love seeing the lightbulb go off when a student can finally tell me 4x9=36 without blinking and gets so excited. So maybe I love my career but not my job.
I hate my current situation. There seems to be so much bullshit going on at work right now with stupid beareucratic bullshit like evaluations and new regulations and special ed directors that don't know their ass from their elbow that I am completely exhausted every night and so anxious the minute I wake up in the morning. I don't let on to people but I feel completely frazzled ALL the time. My mind is constantly going about this problem or that situation at school. I'm always thinking about how I'll get plans made for teaching and papers done for grad school. I feel like I never get a chance to just relax and not think about "my job." It's like this heavy weighing rock on my back all the time. The thought of this being my life for the next 38-40 years makes me feel like I might have an anxiety attack.
I've been looking for new jobs online. There was one online for Prentice Hall Education Publishing, but its in Boston and I don't know if I would really want to get out of teaching. I'd like to try to get into another district, but schools don't hire until the summer and there aren't many education jobs around right now. So I feel like I'm stuck. I'm unhappy and always stressed but I don't have much of an option. I need my job and this summer is really not a good one for me to look for another job because of the wedding and stuff. So, yeah...gotta love it when you don't know what to do next...