Forgive my weakness, but I don't know why. Without you it's hard to survive

[cooperpoooper]

Something is wrong with me and I don't know what. But I'm tired of it. I have always wanted to move to Florida because I love it here and I finally have, but for whatever reason I'm not as happy as I thought I would be. I know it's only been a couple weeks but I really was hoping to have at least met a couple people by now for friends. Not only that, I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm just working and living. bfd. I don't mind living with my uncle but I really just want my own place. And I miss my dog like you have no idea. I need to go to school, which requires more loans that I don't want to take out. I need to meet someone. I'm growing up in life but just do not feel like I am and I don't know why. I have a cell phone I pay for, I have a car payment, I pay that, I pay for everything. It's a good feeling, don't get me wrong. It's nice knowing I can be self sufficient, but again, I just don't feel like I'm growing up. I think it's because I live with family and I just need my own place. I'm living, that's it. I'm not making strides for anything. I'm just living. I want to meet someone so bad. I'm almost 19, and I know that's young, but I'm ready for a meaningful and serious relationship, and I won't lie, I need one. I'm not going to school, I'm just working. I'm an adult, and I want an adult relationship. It's so hard to want something this bad and not have it. It isn't all I"m focused on. I also focus on getting an apartment and moving out and just being happy, which right now, I am not. Who am I kidding? Meeting someone is my main focus. I'm so sick of this, this is so unlike me. I'm usually so full of ambition and strength, and now I am not. I feel like I'm turning back into the person I use to be; with a heart as cold as ice and hard as stone, lonely, unhappy with myself and unhappy with other people. This can't be happening. This can not be happening. I swore I would never turn back into that. I'm so much better than that. So why am I? I won't let it. But somehow I need to be happy, and I'm not. I feel like I'm running out of the strength to fight. What happened to me? If I ever wanted something I would fight for it, and I would get it. I'm not ready to give up but I feel like I am. I need a second job so I don't have to worry about moving out, and maybe I could get a nicer apartment. What's a boy to do? I think on Friday I will see about the parliament house hiring. That looks like a fun place to work. I'm in the dumps. I need someone. I will not lie about it, I need someone. I'm ready, and have been for a while. I didn't have anyone in New York, which was ok, but I do now. I should drag. Ew no I shouldn't, they duct tape their thing back. Ouch. Nuts to that. *sigh* It'll be ok, Jared. Just give it time. You always make it through somehow. :(

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me. I
still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
Without you It's hard to survive.

Cause everytime we touch,
I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I wan't this to last, need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch,
I feel the static and everytime we kiss i reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times we've been through them all,
you make me rise when i fall.

Cause everytime we touch,
I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I wan't this to last, need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch,
I feel the static and everytime we kiss i reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go. Want you in my life.

Cause everytime we touch,
I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I wan't this to last, need you by my side.