(no subject)
Title: I fought the law...
Chapter: eight of eight
Author: coooodes aka Billy
Word Count: 54,549 words
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: AU, violence, character death, antisemitism, homosexual insinuation
Pairings: Teddy/Billy
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the computer which I wrote this on.
masterpost
chapter one chapter two chapter three chapter four chapter five chapter six chapter seven chapter eight
Berlin
1st of November 1938
Dear Theodore,
There are so many things I wish to tell you and probably not enough paper for me to wrote it down on, so instead of gambling with it and coming out short, I will start this letter as if nothing ever changes around here and see where that takes me.
Hello, how are you? I am fine, thank you for asking. It feels relieving to write you my letters, even though I know you will never read them (I will most likely keep them in the drawer where I keep all the rest). It is almost like having a conversation with you where you only listen and smile slightly at me, which is of course how I imagine you reacting to the stories I tell you.
I find myself surprised almost every morning as I wake, realizing that I have grown into an old man, with wrinkles and all that comes with it. I have not much more to live for now than my morning coffee and my niece’s children. On the inside I feel young as ever though. I wonder if I have you to thank for that?
Not a day goes by that I do not think about you and the time we spent together. I know I have told you this in almost all my letters and please don't ask me to explain why. Through all my years those few days with you are the days I remember the most. They have stuck with me and still follow me in my dreams. In a good way that is, you don't have to worry. I think, without those days, I would not have been as strong as I would say I still am today.
As I am sure I have told you in earlier letters, my family is a joy to spend time with. My brother's daughter and son are a delight and just as close to me as if they had been my own. Having them around makes me forget for a moment that I never had any children... Though that being a conscious decision, I think you would just laugh and tell me it was my own doing. And I really shouldn't dwell on the past, I know. However, they seem they all seem to have less and less time to spend with me. My niece, is the only one still willing to listen to my stories. She even writes down what I have to say sometimes, why I'm still not sure. Maybe it is because she finds it interesting, maybe she thinks I'm mad and would like to prove it to me some day.
I have been thinking about telling her about you, even though it feels strange, given the fact that your name was just as quietly kept as my brother's when we came back here. I kept you to myself for years, not telling anyone from fear of losing what little I still had of you. Even as I speak now, I look up to see your bowler hat still lying on the mantel. My brother gave it to me when I joined them by the water that day, he said he thought I should have it. He was so small back then but still such a bright boy. It is my most beloved possession. And it would be worth nothing at all to anyone else but me. I am also sure the girl would find out story very interesting, by the way. She has been dying to know how on earth we got out of America in the first place, and why we didn't stay there. Up until now, I've told her I don't remember. And as I say that, she wrinkles her nose and says we would probably have been better off in America than here. She is probably right.
Theodore, my friend, I am worried and the worry is slowly draining all the energy I have left. What will come of us the day this gets out of hand? What will happen to my family and those sweet children playing outside my window? We have for years been seen as a “problem” here, as if being the pest not only of this country, but of the world. We are no longer citizens of this city, we are vermin ready to be dealt with. I wish I was with you, instead of here. Any day now, hell could break loose.
Somehow I am glad my father died long before all this started. He was a good man. Putting him through the pain of realizing he had probably made the wrong choice in bringing us back here would just have been cruel and he would not have been able to forgive himself. It is up to us now to fend for ourselves I suppose. Or well, the younger generations. I will most likely be sitting here in my chair until I finally fall asleep one day and never wake up again. A peaceful way to die, that is what I have always wished for. But not for a couple of years still. I have much more left to tell the girl. She would have liked you, so telling her the story might be a good place to start. Right?
Well, enough with depression and thoughts of war. I gave you enough of that in my last letter really. Let us hope this will all die down and that everyone finally realizes one people cannot be the sole reason for all the hunger and conflicts in the world. Or maybe everyone else is just a bit too stupid for their own good, wouldn’t you agree?
As I told you earlier, I don't have much more paper to spare. We have a low supply and it is not even sure I will be able to buy more when the few sheets we have are all used up. There are so many ridiculous laws now that I don't seem to keep up with knowing what I am allowed to do and not do anymore.
The thought of never seeing you again was harder to bear than the fact that I never did get to know whether you survived or not. I tell myself every day that you are still out there somewhere, fighting for the good cause and helping the people who most need it. In my eyes, you will always be a hero. Always. I will never forget that you are in some ways always with me as well. Don't forget that it goes both ways...
Yours truly,
William, Billy, Kaplan
You have something that is only yours, given by me to no one but you. Keep it with you forever, will you? I intend never to share it and never had until I gave it to you. Even though I know you probably will or already have, know that the only one I ever wanted, was you. I will always keep you in my heart, no matter what anyone else tell me. I will always love you. I wish you knew.
Chapter: eight of eight
Author: coooodes aka Billy
Word Count: 54,549 words
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: AU, violence, character death, antisemitism, homosexual insinuation
Pairings: Teddy/Billy
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the computer which I wrote this on.
masterpost
chapter one chapter two chapter three chapter four chapter five chapter six chapter seven chapter eight
Berlin
1st of November 1938
Dear Theodore,
There are so many things I wish to tell you and probably not enough paper for me to wrote it down on, so instead of gambling with it and coming out short, I will start this letter as if nothing ever changes around here and see where that takes me.
Hello, how are you? I am fine, thank you for asking. It feels relieving to write you my letters, even though I know you will never read them (I will most likely keep them in the drawer where I keep all the rest). It is almost like having a conversation with you where you only listen and smile slightly at me, which is of course how I imagine you reacting to the stories I tell you.
I find myself surprised almost every morning as I wake, realizing that I have grown into an old man, with wrinkles and all that comes with it. I have not much more to live for now than my morning coffee and my niece’s children. On the inside I feel young as ever though. I wonder if I have you to thank for that?
Not a day goes by that I do not think about you and the time we spent together. I know I have told you this in almost all my letters and please don't ask me to explain why. Through all my years those few days with you are the days I remember the most. They have stuck with me and still follow me in my dreams. In a good way that is, you don't have to worry. I think, without those days, I would not have been as strong as I would say I still am today.
As I am sure I have told you in earlier letters, my family is a joy to spend time with. My brother's daughter and son are a delight and just as close to me as if they had been my own. Having them around makes me forget for a moment that I never had any children... Though that being a conscious decision, I think you would just laugh and tell me it was my own doing. And I really shouldn't dwell on the past, I know. However, they seem they all seem to have less and less time to spend with me. My niece, is the only one still willing to listen to my stories. She even writes down what I have to say sometimes, why I'm still not sure. Maybe it is because she finds it interesting, maybe she thinks I'm mad and would like to prove it to me some day.
I have been thinking about telling her about you, even though it feels strange, given the fact that your name was just as quietly kept as my brother's when we came back here. I kept you to myself for years, not telling anyone from fear of losing what little I still had of you. Even as I speak now, I look up to see your bowler hat still lying on the mantel. My brother gave it to me when I joined them by the water that day, he said he thought I should have it. He was so small back then but still such a bright boy. It is my most beloved possession. And it would be worth nothing at all to anyone else but me. I am also sure the girl would find out story very interesting, by the way. She has been dying to know how on earth we got out of America in the first place, and why we didn't stay there. Up until now, I've told her I don't remember. And as I say that, she wrinkles her nose and says we would probably have been better off in America than here. She is probably right.
Theodore, my friend, I am worried and the worry is slowly draining all the energy I have left. What will come of us the day this gets out of hand? What will happen to my family and those sweet children playing outside my window? We have for years been seen as a “problem” here, as if being the pest not only of this country, but of the world. We are no longer citizens of this city, we are vermin ready to be dealt with. I wish I was with you, instead of here. Any day now, hell could break loose.
Somehow I am glad my father died long before all this started. He was a good man. Putting him through the pain of realizing he had probably made the wrong choice in bringing us back here would just have been cruel and he would not have been able to forgive himself. It is up to us now to fend for ourselves I suppose. Or well, the younger generations. I will most likely be sitting here in my chair until I finally fall asleep one day and never wake up again. A peaceful way to die, that is what I have always wished for. But not for a couple of years still. I have much more left to tell the girl. She would have liked you, so telling her the story might be a good place to start. Right?
Well, enough with depression and thoughts of war. I gave you enough of that in my last letter really. Let us hope this will all die down and that everyone finally realizes one people cannot be the sole reason for all the hunger and conflicts in the world. Or maybe everyone else is just a bit too stupid for their own good, wouldn’t you agree?
As I told you earlier, I don't have much more paper to spare. We have a low supply and it is not even sure I will be able to buy more when the few sheets we have are all used up. There are so many ridiculous laws now that I don't seem to keep up with knowing what I am allowed to do and not do anymore.
The thought of never seeing you again was harder to bear than the fact that I never did get to know whether you survived or not. I tell myself every day that you are still out there somewhere, fighting for the good cause and helping the people who most need it. In my eyes, you will always be a hero. Always. I will never forget that you are in some ways always with me as well. Don't forget that it goes both ways...
Yours truly,
William, Billy, Kaplan
You have something that is only yours, given by me to no one but you. Keep it with you forever, will you? I intend never to share it and never had until I gave it to you. Even though I know you probably will or already have, know that the only one I ever wanted, was you. I will always keep you in my heart, no matter what anyone else tell me. I will always love you. I wish you knew.