Painfully honest

[coonkat]

A suggestion to write drives my decision to pen this document (pen of course is used in the metaphorical sense; as you can see I’m writing this on the computer that lacks ink and the true physical form known as a pen). I have been told to write my thoughts and feelings in hopes that it may help, and that it may, but then again it might not. I

Comments

Some Thoughts...

[tobmastere]

You, my friend are not a loser, and you know that. We all have times where it seems impossible to get where you need to go, to live in the way you want to live. The world isn’t always easy, but here it is. My advice would be to finish it out, but don’t go insane over it. Even if you get a 67, it’s better than the zeros you’d get if you packed up now, and that may matter somewhere down the line. If all else fails you’ve learned something from this experience, and will no doubt use this to get you where God wants you to be, even if it isn’t obvious today. Maybe all of this doubt, and the chewing of the insides is just a huge sign that you really do need to get out of there, in which case, finish with some dignity, and go.

Change sucks, there I said it. It especially sucks when you are dealing with life altering decisions. You’ve got to remember that through all of this the one thing that hasn’t changed is your love for God, and his love for you. Eventually, the two of you will work this out. You know you have a call for ministry, but maybe that won’t look as traditional as you originally envisioned. Maybe you’ll start some incredible youth/young adult programs that will sweep the world and change the way young people everywhere think about religion and/or spirituality. Does it matter if this is necessarily affiliated with the Methodist Church? Or does it matter that you help people cultivate relationships with God in meaningful ways? I think you and I share a lot of ideas about religion and spirituality and being accepting of people making that work in whatever way is best for them.

I also have similar problems with prayer. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard God in the knock some sense into me, make the world blazingly clear, sort of way. I have also had problems in the past deciphering if God is simply putting me to the test, or trying to give me clear signs to get out of certain situations as fast as possible (hence my 3.5 year stint as a Nursing major). Maybe the best way to go about it is to continue to learn, in whatever ways you can. Take classes, become involved in organizations that play off your obvious passions, and see what comes out of it. Maybe you will realize what God wants from you when you slow down, and stop expecting to be knocked upside the head with some life altering message.

I’m sorry things are so intense for you right now. However, I’m certain that they will make sense someday. Patience is a virtue that is sometimes hard to come by. I’m not sure, any of this will prove to be useful for you, but I hope maybe something will bring you a little peace. Either way, I’m always around to chat, about anything. Good luck with the rest of the semester, and I’m sure I’ll talk to you soon!