UN-FAMILY UNIT
Bad dream: started with me and Ryan in a room with a couple that was having sex next to us. I’m about to start our life in our new house with the family unit. Ryan doesn’t help to tell the couple to stop while we are there, just bends over like a pussy. I walk away with this uncomfortable feeling but swallowing it and accepting that this is just how things are. A familiar feeling of always having to just accept this is how things are.
Assuming role of guardian over David.
Mom and Ryan not parental figures helping in the rebuilding of the family.
Cleaning house, getting rules in order. Ryan undermining my authority.
David commits a faux pax not his fault and I punish him physically. I feel awful for my actions then lose it. I cry and cry, apologizing to David, saying over and over “I can’t do this alone.”
End dream. Wake up crying.
I am reminded why I left this family in the first, second, and third place. Have always felt alone, only did things my way. Cannot reconnect with a family that doesn’t want to be connected.
Assuming role of guardian over David.
Mom and Ryan not parental figures helping in the rebuilding of the family.
Cleaning house, getting rules in order. Ryan undermining my authority.
David commits a faux pax not his fault and I punish him physically. I feel awful for my actions then lose it. I cry and cry, apologizing to David, saying over and over “I can’t do this alone.”
End dream. Wake up crying.
I am reminded why I left this family in the first, second, and third place. Have always felt alone, only did things my way. Cannot reconnect with a family that doesn’t want to be connected.