THE DOCTOR VISIT
Much to my relief, Alexis has told me she’s undergone the same abnormal Pap smear procedures a few times, including the colposcopy. Deb said her daughter also went through the same thing and the tests almost always came out negative.
I am not saying I will be in the clear, but I am not as scared since this is more common. It’s one of those things that are not talked about enough. Blanca was my only friend who I had the most open relationship with where we talk about all the things that are gross and uncomfortable. We are less alone than we think. I hope to keep more friends around who are more honest and open about the squeamish and scary things we go through in life and not be judged by it.
When I first found out, I had to visit my work right after the appointment. I’ll never not go to these things alone again. I was in tears when I left and I broke down in front of my coworkers. I may have to switch doctors because I’m not feeling very comforted at mine. And in a fit of panic, I told our GM about it and asked for an extra work week to cover the doctor bills. Knowing what I know now, I feel a little silly that I may have dramatized my ordeal to him. He appeared worried and sorry for me, saying his mother went through something similar where it was a cancer scare.
I haven’t told Kevin yet. I’m still waiting to hear about lab results and from there I’ll know when to book the biopsy. I am thinking of going home to LA to visit a family doctor (an OB-GYN) who was a friend and colleague of my dad’s. I feel she might be more trustworthy and more empathetic since its me.
Sometimes I just go fucking crazy with my own thoughts about us and the relationship. I have to remember his last words were “we are fine” “I’m not losing interest” and “I promise you’re the only one who has to put up with my bitchy ass.” Naturally, I think he’s lying and probably cheating. I hate myself.
I am not saying I will be in the clear, but I am not as scared since this is more common. It’s one of those things that are not talked about enough. Blanca was my only friend who I had the most open relationship with where we talk about all the things that are gross and uncomfortable. We are less alone than we think. I hope to keep more friends around who are more honest and open about the squeamish and scary things we go through in life and not be judged by it.
When I first found out, I had to visit my work right after the appointment. I’ll never not go to these things alone again. I was in tears when I left and I broke down in front of my coworkers. I may have to switch doctors because I’m not feeling very comforted at mine. And in a fit of panic, I told our GM about it and asked for an extra work week to cover the doctor bills. Knowing what I know now, I feel a little silly that I may have dramatized my ordeal to him. He appeared worried and sorry for me, saying his mother went through something similar where it was a cancer scare.
I haven’t told Kevin yet. I’m still waiting to hear about lab results and from there I’ll know when to book the biopsy. I am thinking of going home to LA to visit a family doctor (an OB-GYN) who was a friend and colleague of my dad’s. I feel she might be more trustworthy and more empathetic since its me.
Sometimes I just go fucking crazy with my own thoughts about us and the relationship. I have to remember his last words were “we are fine” “I’m not losing interest” and “I promise you’re the only one who has to put up with my bitchy ass.” Naturally, I think he’s lying and probably cheating. I hate myself.