The Chronicles of Vera Jayne
'tis been a rather busy couple of weeks.
After a rousing 20 years, 11 months and 30 days; I finally turned the big "2" "1" on the 5th of August (as many of you may already know). Whoo hoo.
Considering I really never placed a large amount of thought into the whole aging thing, nothing has changed. Besides, I already received all the 'privileges' of adulthood at 18, so this 21 ordeal has been somewhat superfluous. (I should rethink my journal's title now, since "Random Mumbles of a New Born Adult" was made when I was just 18... I guess I'm really an adult now xD)
But after receiving a nice sum of money from all my family, I finally went and purchased my lovely MacBook Pro last Monday. To get my student discount, I had to order her off the website, which seemed to be all rather difficult, but she's here now and all in good order. Named after a Man and his Gun funnily enough, 'Vera Jayne' is the bee's knees and simply stunning in her dashing orange hardcase coating. Unfortunately for me however, Vera has also rekindled the sadness I feel with the lack of Firefly in the world. Why good shows die, I'll never know :(
Vera's got the basic CS3 programmes (Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator) as well as (to my absolute joy) the mac version of Microsoft Office. It was a real buzz to take her into class and work from home. Mind you, I'll have to see whether or not my design work will benefit from all this, but so far I'm doing alright xD. I've finally figured out my masthead for my major work, after all that hullabaloo about completely changing my direction, masthead, design, proposal etc etc which now leaves me to fix up everything else in a mere 9-10 weeks (O___o)
Other than that, I've been fighting a seemingly losing battle against ennui lately. To put it bluntly, I've lost my drive for design. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I really do, but it's like more and more things keep popping up every time I delve deeper into the field that really turns me off doing graphic design for a career. The thought of being in this industry for the rest of my life terrifies me (amongst many other things). A few weeks/months back, I was talking to a classmate about the future and where they saw themselves in a year. They made the decision that after a year they'd decide that they've either made a mistake by doing graphic design in the first place and change careers completely or whether they've resigned themselves to 'live' in the industry for the rest of their lives. Long and boring story short, it just freaks me out. The end.
Perhaps it stems from my subconscious fear of finishing things, but all throughout this year I've felt this nagging at the back of my mind, instilling all sorts of 'what if' scenarios into my head. I am of course, referring to how I failed to get into the degree I wanted for University way back in the day. It's bizarre I guess, but I can't help feeling this pang of regret of not being able to fully explore my love of writing. I've tried to incorporate aspects of creative writing into my designs over the years, but I'm mostly told that it's just too many words and my efforts are mostly brushed aside. As absurd as it sounds, I miss writing all those essays and feature articles, reliving that delightful sense of accomplishment ever time I pulled a 2 500 word essay out from my arse the night before it was due. But there is so much I need to learn in regards to the subject, and I would hate to have never realised the potential I may have been able to offer (that is, if there is any potential xD). What I am trying to blurt out is that I am 90% sure that I will continue my studies next year and find myself some sort of creative writing course at Uni somewhere. Since (all things going to plan) I will finish this year with a Bachelor of Graphic Design, I should be able to re-apply for uni as a mature age student, but we'll see how that goes. I can see myself writing stories, conjuring up whole worlds and characters for the rest of my life. Not graphic design, unless it’s used to enhance my stories and other various writings damn me being totally horrid at flash *shakes fist*.
I don't regret doing graphic design here at Wesley. I've met people that have changed my life, matured through the course, discovered how to handle myself in 'the real world' and opened my eyes to what 'the real world' really is. Well, the pretty, nicely designed and brilliant creative aesthetic aspects of the world that is. :P
Perhaps I was wrong in saying I felt no different in turning 21. Rereading my post of corny +10, I see that I'm almost like Christopher Robin on the bridge with Winnie the Pooh, about to leave the 100-Acre Wood to grow up, "not going to do just nothing anymore." My inner child is dangerously close to being murdered by my growing desire to grow up and leave it behind in a deranged, violent bloodbath of a mess xD Mind you, my inner child was never that young to begin with.
Then again, I have named my computer after a fictional Sci-Fi character, made yet another AD&D reference, still own a ridiculous amount of silly hats, stuffed toys and various other items of cute, and I’ll most likely go home tonight to play “No More Heroes” on my Nintendo Wii. So maybe my inner child isn’t as dead as I proclaimed. She’s just a pretentious nerd.
Figures.
After a rousing 20 years, 11 months and 30 days; I finally turned the big "2" "1" on the 5th of August (as many of you may already know). Whoo hoo.
Considering I really never placed a large amount of thought into the whole aging thing, nothing has changed. Besides, I already received all the 'privileges' of adulthood at 18, so this 21 ordeal has been somewhat superfluous. (I should rethink my journal's title now, since "Random Mumbles of a New Born Adult" was made when I was just 18... I guess I'm really an adult now xD)
But after receiving a nice sum of money from all my family, I finally went and purchased my lovely MacBook Pro last Monday. To get my student discount, I had to order her off the website, which seemed to be all rather difficult, but she's here now and all in good order. Named after a Man and his Gun funnily enough, 'Vera Jayne' is the bee's knees and simply stunning in her dashing orange hardcase coating. Unfortunately for me however, Vera has also rekindled the sadness I feel with the lack of Firefly in the world. Why good shows die, I'll never know :(
Vera's got the basic CS3 programmes (Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator) as well as (to my absolute joy) the mac version of Microsoft Office. It was a real buzz to take her into class and work from home. Mind you, I'll have to see whether or not my design work will benefit from all this, but so far I'm doing alright xD. I've finally figured out my masthead for my major work, after all that hullabaloo about completely changing my direction, masthead, design, proposal etc etc which now leaves me to fix up everything else in a mere 9-10 weeks (O___o)
Other than that, I've been fighting a seemingly losing battle against ennui lately. To put it bluntly, I've lost my drive for design. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I really do, but it's like more and more things keep popping up every time I delve deeper into the field that really turns me off doing graphic design for a career. The thought of being in this industry for the rest of my life terrifies me (amongst many other things). A few weeks/months back, I was talking to a classmate about the future and where they saw themselves in a year. They made the decision that after a year they'd decide that they've either made a mistake by doing graphic design in the first place and change careers completely or whether they've resigned themselves to 'live' in the industry for the rest of their lives. Long and boring story short, it just freaks me out. The end.
Perhaps it stems from my subconscious fear of finishing things, but all throughout this year I've felt this nagging at the back of my mind, instilling all sorts of 'what if' scenarios into my head. I am of course, referring to how I failed to get into the degree I wanted for University way back in the day. It's bizarre I guess, but I can't help feeling this pang of regret of not being able to fully explore my love of writing. I've tried to incorporate aspects of creative writing into my designs over the years, but I'm mostly told that it's just too many words and my efforts are mostly brushed aside. As absurd as it sounds, I miss writing all those essays and feature articles, reliving that delightful sense of accomplishment ever time I pulled a 2 500 word essay out from my arse the night before it was due. But there is so much I need to learn in regards to the subject, and I would hate to have never realised the potential I may have been able to offer (that is, if there is any potential xD). What I am trying to blurt out is that I am 90% sure that I will continue my studies next year and find myself some sort of creative writing course at Uni somewhere. Since (all things going to plan) I will finish this year with a Bachelor of Graphic Design, I should be able to re-apply for uni as a mature age student, but we'll see how that goes. I can see myself writing stories, conjuring up whole worlds and characters for the rest of my life. Not graphic design, unless it’s used to enhance my stories and other various writings damn me being totally horrid at flash *shakes fist*.
I don't regret doing graphic design here at Wesley. I've met people that have changed my life, matured through the course, discovered how to handle myself in 'the real world' and opened my eyes to what 'the real world' really is. Well, the pretty, nicely designed and brilliant creative aesthetic aspects of the world that is. :P
Perhaps I was wrong in saying I felt no different in turning 21. Rereading my post of corny +10, I see that I'm almost like Christopher Robin on the bridge with Winnie the Pooh, about to leave the 100-Acre Wood to grow up, "not going to do just nothing anymore." My inner child is dangerously close to being murdered by my growing desire to grow up and leave it behind in a deranged, violent bloodbath of a mess xD Mind you, my inner child was never that young to begin with.
Then again, I have named my computer after a fictional Sci-Fi character, made yet another AD&D reference, still own a ridiculous amount of silly hats, stuffed toys and various other items of cute, and I’ll most likely go home tonight to play “No More Heroes” on my Nintendo Wii. So maybe my inner child isn’t as dead as I proclaimed. She’s just a pretentious nerd.
Figures.