my love is pumping through my veins
"when you're feeling down & your resistance is low, light another cigarette and let yourself go."
as i was marking the date in permanent marker on the box of cigarettes i finished off yesterday, queen told me to light a cigarette. damn you, queen. go figure, all the forces in the world are against me doing something healthy, for once. yes, i decided to quit smoking after i finished my last pack, yesterday. it's fucking tough, man. i never thought i'd become addicted to anything, especially cigarettes. i was allergic to cigarette smoke when i was little, and i have asthma. my parents quit smoking when they found out that it was making me sick, or could potentially make me sick. (no shit!) however, as i hung out with a lot of older alcoholic, pot head, smoking friends when i was in 10th grade, i started smoking with them when i drank, or very randomly. & i became a regular smoker in september of 2004 .. i had my car then, and i would want to smoke whenever i was driving. it only got worse when i turned 18 because i could buy them for myself whenever, wherever. obviously i know that the habit is terrible.. deadly! i was watching a news segment the other night that was spitting out sickening statistics directly to me, i'm sure. it freaked me the fuck out & i decided right then and there that when i finished the pack i had, that i would quit cold turkey (that terminology is so strange). i know i will have cancer someday. it is just the fate of every member of my family. i've dealt with that.. but i won't just "deal" with dying from some preventable form of it, god dammit. DON'T SHOW ME A CIGARETTE EVER AGAIN! to calm my cravings, i absolutely need coca cola running through my veins. & all we have to drink is orange juice, water, and skim milk. i'm seriously going through withdrawal because i can't even have one or the other. i told my mom i was quitting & she lit up (no pun intended) with happiness. she probably could have cried because she's so excited, which is cute and sweet. for as long as i can remember, she's hated that i drink pop late at night because the caffiene keeps me awake for hours. when i told her my news & that i needed a coke in my hand ASAP, she told me she wouldn't care if i drank coke all day and night long, as long as i quit smoking. aww, mom.
but on the topic of smoking, i went to an art show with my soon-to-be 24 year old half-sister tonight. & she said to me, "katie (she still calls me that even though no one else has since i was 7), i need to smoke pot before i die. & i don't know who sells it or how to get it. will you smoke with me?" hahaha!! yes.
tomorrow i will culturally and artistically enrich my life by going to gallery hop in the short north. the first
saturday of every month is pretty much the only thing i can depend on in this world.
..but, things are falling into place. i think. (i hope.)
i feel productive and am going to make room in my closet for my heaps of sweaters and cold-weather clothes by removing the summer clothes. unfortunately there aren't many of those, as i like to layer myself in clothing all year 'round. (i will play dress up all the while.)
ps: i've killed 6 lady bugs in my bedroom today, and upwards of 20 in the last week. they are fucking infiltrating the place. i hate them and they smell weird and kind of like lettuce or plants when you smash them.
as i was marking the date in permanent marker on the box of cigarettes i finished off yesterday, queen told me to light a cigarette. damn you, queen. go figure, all the forces in the world are against me doing something healthy, for once. yes, i decided to quit smoking after i finished my last pack, yesterday. it's fucking tough, man. i never thought i'd become addicted to anything, especially cigarettes. i was allergic to cigarette smoke when i was little, and i have asthma. my parents quit smoking when they found out that it was making me sick, or could potentially make me sick. (no shit!) however, as i hung out with a lot of older alcoholic, pot head, smoking friends when i was in 10th grade, i started smoking with them when i drank, or very randomly. & i became a regular smoker in september of 2004 .. i had my car then, and i would want to smoke whenever i was driving. it only got worse when i turned 18 because i could buy them for myself whenever, wherever. obviously i know that the habit is terrible.. deadly! i was watching a news segment the other night that was spitting out sickening statistics directly to me, i'm sure. it freaked me the fuck out & i decided right then and there that when i finished the pack i had, that i would quit cold turkey (that terminology is so strange). i know i will have cancer someday. it is just the fate of every member of my family. i've dealt with that.. but i won't just "deal" with dying from some preventable form of it, god dammit. DON'T SHOW ME A CIGARETTE EVER AGAIN! to calm my cravings, i absolutely need coca cola running through my veins. & all we have to drink is orange juice, water, and skim milk. i'm seriously going through withdrawal because i can't even have one or the other. i told my mom i was quitting & she lit up (no pun intended) with happiness. she probably could have cried because she's so excited, which is cute and sweet. for as long as i can remember, she's hated that i drink pop late at night because the caffiene keeps me awake for hours. when i told her my news & that i needed a coke in my hand ASAP, she told me she wouldn't care if i drank coke all day and night long, as long as i quit smoking. aww, mom.
but on the topic of smoking, i went to an art show with my soon-to-be 24 year old half-sister tonight. & she said to me, "katie (she still calls me that even though no one else has since i was 7), i need to smoke pot before i die. & i don't know who sells it or how to get it. will you smoke with me?" hahaha!! yes.
tomorrow i will culturally and artistically enrich my life by going to gallery hop in the short north. the first
saturday of every month is pretty much the only thing i can depend on in this world.
..but, things are falling into place. i think. (i hope.)
i feel productive and am going to make room in my closet for my heaps of sweaters and cold-weather clothes by removing the summer clothes. unfortunately there aren't many of those, as i like to layer myself in clothing all year 'round. (i will play dress up all the while.)
ps: i've killed 6 lady bugs in my bedroom today, and upwards of 20 in the last week. they are fucking infiltrating the place. i hate them and they smell weird and kind of like lettuce or plants when you smash them.