September Blues
Speaking of money, I decided not to buy a new computer. I will spend, the money I get from financial aid, to pay for my dues at NIU. I still have a long way to go. A few months ago, I set up a payment plan. Unfortunately, it did not work out for me. I already skipped two months. And now, there are four months remaining to pay for the rest. I know I will be able to pay half, but I don’t know where to get the money to pay for the rest. Getting another loan is never an option, I don’t want to spend too much time paying back all my loans. And another thing, I’ve been trying to look for a job for the past months. Its so hard these days. I hope I can figure out a way to pay for everything. As much as my parents wants to help me, they can’t, cause they are still helping my sisters. I don’t know what to do with myself. I try to find different ways to solve a problem, but now I’m really out of solutions. I don’t want to be sent at a collection agency.
I still want to buy a new computer, but not now. I need lots of things to help me out for my education, but those can wait. If I did it in the past, without assistive technology, I know will manage everything okay this time. I recently downloaded a free screen reader online called System Access to go. It really made my life easier. I finish reading each chapter within an hour or less. This is the first time I saw lots of progress in my study skills. I noticed that I finished more work within less time. plus, when I’m writing something it helps me a lot because I use it revise my work. Another helpful tool I discovered was Bookshare. I wish I knew about their services a long time ago before summer even started. I make it a habit to read at least three books a week. it’s a good addiction. I can’t get enough books. If I’m done with homework, I usually turn to Bookshare and find more books to read.
As far as the current books, I’m almost done with the Gossip Girl series. That book keeps me entertained. I love how the author describes each of the characters. It fascinates me just thinking about the crazy things they do to cause trouble. The story lines are hilarious. it’s a good waste of time. Smiles, I read other books as well.but I’m more anxious to finish the Gossip Girl series.
As far as the other areas of my life, its going really great. I love my classes. Each class is very focus on credibility and mastery of content. Its very teacher certification oriented, and their workshops are very specific. i know that I’m taking the right direction. If everything works out, I’ll be done with all my major classes and the three exams, two years from now. I can’t wait to get into student teaching. I can’t wait to work with students and help them out. I love where I am right now as far as my major goes. One thing I really like about ISU’s education program is that they centered each class to build each project into a portfolio. Its really helpful because it adds quality and showcase to my early childhood, elementary, and middle school endorsements. Plus I can use the portfolio when I apply for a job. I can always revise the portfolio as the years go by. I’m so eager to start with each of my projects. I can’t wait to write those education papers. I know it sounds boring to people who hate writing, but I really love my major. I’m so glad that I did not allow myself to submit to what my parents wanted for me to major.
As far as today, I watched a movie with a friend. I wouldn’t consider it as a date cause I only see him as a friend. It was fun. Its been a long time since I hang out with him. The last time I saw him was back in May. Fun times. We saw the movie, Final Destination. It was scary and tragic. You will never know when its your time to die. When your at the wrong place at the wrong time, it will happen. Its not an accident for each person. When its their time, its their time. I got a lot from watching the movie. I learned to appreciate life more, the movie sort of caught me off guard. I would that it helps to live for the moment ones in awhile and not take things too seriously. So many people in the past told me that I take things too seriously. I know I laugh a lot and act a little crazy, but I think they are right. I do take things very seriously. I’m so grateful that my life changed for the best.
Hopes: I wish, God would give me some signs about the things he wants me to change and the things he wants me to accomplish. I want to make it up to him for helping me through those difficult times.
One good thing that happened today, me and my mom had a nice conversation. For the first time, both of us were in the same picture. I can’t believe it. she gave me the impression that she was not happy about what had happened to me in the past. She was very supportive about everything. I don’t know how to describe my feelings. Honestly, Its hard to forget everything she told me a few months ago, I actually brought it up to her attention awhile ago when we were talking. She told me that she knew she was being harsh and then she explained it to me that she had to say those things to make me understand what was going on. yeah, I know she means well, but sometimes it hurts when she gives rude comments.
Well, another good thing that happened this week was that I got a chance to chat with my best friend from the Philippines. She is doing okay. I’m really proud of her accomplishments. She is now finishing medical school. She is also in the process of getting her visa to go here. I hope to see her again. A week is not enough to hang out with her. I can’t wait to spend time with her and let her know everything about my life.
I love my friends. They are the one that keeps me going. At this moment, I have a big smile on my face, my heart is beating really fast, and I’m wide awake. I’m really happy.
Too many good things, okay last but not the least, I got a grant from the NFB to go to their state convention. In exchange for their grant, they want me to help out with a lot of things. they already assigned me to be in charge in the information desk, they gave me a time to watch the kids at kid camp, and they want me to be a guide at the senior fair. I don’t know how much time I have, but I’ll try to accomplish everything that is expected of me. I’m so glad I was given the opportunity to be involved with the NFB. Honestly, I thought of it as an obligation at the start of my student board member position, but now, after a year of serving in the board, I grew to like it. its hard to keep everything in place, but it feels great to keep everything together. In a way, the NFB helped me to being more responsible and disciplined with my schedule. I really admire the president of the chapter. Patty is a blind lawyer, a mom, a president of the NFBI, my mentor, and a friend. I look up to her. When I started, she was one of the people who persuaded me to use my cane. She also taught me that its okay to have a disability. Honestly, I never accepted my visual impairment in the past. I would always look for different excuses to prolong thinking about the possibility that I might lose my sight. Now, I’m more aware, and I would say that I’m more accepting.
Since summer ended, I started to see things in a different way. I don’t know what had happened to me. I gave myself a few guidelines. I wrote a few things that I really want to change about myself such as:
1. I will stay away from drinking liquor.
2. I will stay away from going to clubs cause there’s more productive things to do than to go there.
3. I would try my very best to sleep early and stay away from late night phone conversations, so that I can stay awake in class without relying on coffee.
4. I will stop drinking coffee cause its gotten to a point that it doesn’t help at all. Instead of keeping me awake, coffee makes me yawn and it makes me dizzy.
5. I will stop myself from complaining about my problems with my friends. I know its okay to vent ones in awhile, but I prefer to do things differently this time.
6. I will devote my time to look for a stable job and get my own place without relying on my parents.
7. I will stay away from eating cookies and chocolate even though those are one of my favorite things in the whole world.
8. I will spend my money more wisely and save up to pay for the loans.
9. I will try to stop myself from thinking about Izzy. I know this one is really hard, but I know I will manage.
10. I will forgive Izzy and Brandi for lying to me and move on. I know I’ll make it. its just a matter of doing the right thing.
I still want to buy a new computer, but not now. I need lots of things to help me out for my education, but those can wait. If I did it in the past, without assistive technology, I know will manage everything okay this time. I recently downloaded a free screen reader online called System Access to go. It really made my life easier. I finish reading each chapter within an hour or less. This is the first time I saw lots of progress in my study skills. I noticed that I finished more work within less time. plus, when I’m writing something it helps me a lot because I use it revise my work. Another helpful tool I discovered was Bookshare. I wish I knew about their services a long time ago before summer even started. I make it a habit to read at least three books a week. it’s a good addiction. I can’t get enough books. If I’m done with homework, I usually turn to Bookshare and find more books to read.
As far as the current books, I’m almost done with the Gossip Girl series. That book keeps me entertained. I love how the author describes each of the characters. It fascinates me just thinking about the crazy things they do to cause trouble. The story lines are hilarious. it’s a good waste of time. Smiles, I read other books as well.but I’m more anxious to finish the Gossip Girl series.
As far as the other areas of my life, its going really great. I love my classes. Each class is very focus on credibility and mastery of content. Its very teacher certification oriented, and their workshops are very specific. i know that I’m taking the right direction. If everything works out, I’ll be done with all my major classes and the three exams, two years from now. I can’t wait to get into student teaching. I can’t wait to work with students and help them out. I love where I am right now as far as my major goes. One thing I really like about ISU’s education program is that they centered each class to build each project into a portfolio. Its really helpful because it adds quality and showcase to my early childhood, elementary, and middle school endorsements. Plus I can use the portfolio when I apply for a job. I can always revise the portfolio as the years go by. I’m so eager to start with each of my projects. I can’t wait to write those education papers. I know it sounds boring to people who hate writing, but I really love my major. I’m so glad that I did not allow myself to submit to what my parents wanted for me to major.
As far as today, I watched a movie with a friend. I wouldn’t consider it as a date cause I only see him as a friend. It was fun. Its been a long time since I hang out with him. The last time I saw him was back in May. Fun times. We saw the movie, Final Destination. It was scary and tragic. You will never know when its your time to die. When your at the wrong place at the wrong time, it will happen. Its not an accident for each person. When its their time, its their time. I got a lot from watching the movie. I learned to appreciate life more, the movie sort of caught me off guard. I would that it helps to live for the moment ones in awhile and not take things too seriously. So many people in the past told me that I take things too seriously. I know I laugh a lot and act a little crazy, but I think they are right. I do take things very seriously. I’m so grateful that my life changed for the best.
Hopes: I wish, God would give me some signs about the things he wants me to change and the things he wants me to accomplish. I want to make it up to him for helping me through those difficult times.
One good thing that happened today, me and my mom had a nice conversation. For the first time, both of us were in the same picture. I can’t believe it. she gave me the impression that she was not happy about what had happened to me in the past. She was very supportive about everything. I don’t know how to describe my feelings. Honestly, Its hard to forget everything she told me a few months ago, I actually brought it up to her attention awhile ago when we were talking. She told me that she knew she was being harsh and then she explained it to me that she had to say those things to make me understand what was going on. yeah, I know she means well, but sometimes it hurts when she gives rude comments.
Well, another good thing that happened this week was that I got a chance to chat with my best friend from the Philippines. She is doing okay. I’m really proud of her accomplishments. She is now finishing medical school. She is also in the process of getting her visa to go here. I hope to see her again. A week is not enough to hang out with her. I can’t wait to spend time with her and let her know everything about my life.
I love my friends. They are the one that keeps me going. At this moment, I have a big smile on my face, my heart is beating really fast, and I’m wide awake. I’m really happy.
Too many good things, okay last but not the least, I got a grant from the NFB to go to their state convention. In exchange for their grant, they want me to help out with a lot of things. they already assigned me to be in charge in the information desk, they gave me a time to watch the kids at kid camp, and they want me to be a guide at the senior fair. I don’t know how much time I have, but I’ll try to accomplish everything that is expected of me. I’m so glad I was given the opportunity to be involved with the NFB. Honestly, I thought of it as an obligation at the start of my student board member position, but now, after a year of serving in the board, I grew to like it. its hard to keep everything in place, but it feels great to keep everything together. In a way, the NFB helped me to being more responsible and disciplined with my schedule. I really admire the president of the chapter. Patty is a blind lawyer, a mom, a president of the NFBI, my mentor, and a friend. I look up to her. When I started, she was one of the people who persuaded me to use my cane. She also taught me that its okay to have a disability. Honestly, I never accepted my visual impairment in the past. I would always look for different excuses to prolong thinking about the possibility that I might lose my sight. Now, I’m more aware, and I would say that I’m more accepting.
Since summer ended, I started to see things in a different way. I don’t know what had happened to me. I gave myself a few guidelines. I wrote a few things that I really want to change about myself such as:
1. I will stay away from drinking liquor.
2. I will stay away from going to clubs cause there’s more productive things to do than to go there.
3. I would try my very best to sleep early and stay away from late night phone conversations, so that I can stay awake in class without relying on coffee.
4. I will stop drinking coffee cause its gotten to a point that it doesn’t help at all. Instead of keeping me awake, coffee makes me yawn and it makes me dizzy.
5. I will stop myself from complaining about my problems with my friends. I know its okay to vent ones in awhile, but I prefer to do things differently this time.
6. I will devote my time to look for a stable job and get my own place without relying on my parents.
7. I will stay away from eating cookies and chocolate even though those are one of my favorite things in the whole world.
8. I will spend my money more wisely and save up to pay for the loans.
9. I will try to stop myself from thinking about Izzy. I know this one is really hard, but I know I will manage.
10. I will forgive Izzy and Brandi for lying to me and move on. I know I’ll make it. its just a matter of doing the right thing.