[28] wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy

[coolbowtie]

[Action; Private to 1338 Benny Road.]

[The Doctor wakes with a start in bed. And that's the first problem, he's in a bed. He never sleeps in a bed. He sits up and looks around and quickly decides that he's not at home. Too clean, too empty

Comments

[crusthatecean]

[He's barging in after the dog because god damn it, it is time for her to go on her morning walk, and she's still being housebroken so she better get it soon.

Only to spot the Doctor in the hallway of the hive.]

Okay, this is making my skin crawl. Get the fuck out and do not let me catch you in here without an invitation again.

[coolbowtie]

[Gingerly propping himself up on his elbows.]

Tell that to Lucy Smith. Because I think she's the one who invited me here.

[crusthatecean]

The fuck does that mean?

[Picking up the dog. He just innately looks hilarious holding a sissy looking puppy with such a grumpy expression.]

[coolbowtie]

[Gestures to a photo across the hall, featuring the three kids plus drone mom plus him, changed from the previous drone dad.]

[crusthatecean]

Oh god.

No. No offense, but I would rather have the horns I don't currently have filed down into my skull.

[coolbowtie]

Well, suppose you'll just have to regain them and file them down, because there's no way around this.

[crusthatecean]

I think I'll only take one punch to the bulge from the universe today, thanks.

Fine, okay, I accept that it's not your fault or choice that you're here. We can just go over some ground rules and make this as painless as possible.

[coolbowtie]

Right.

Rules.

Can I have girls over? Are girls allowed? Or do I have to wait until I'm 18?

[crusthatecean]

Okay, shut up, I don't even want to jokingly learn whatever sickening mating habits your species has.

The main rule is this is my hive. I know you're the type of smug asshole who thinks he can come in here and put himself in charge, but that isn't how it's going to work. Harley and Gamzee are my responsibility and I guess you can sort of piggyback on all of that as long as you're around, but I'm going to handle this.

[coolbowtie]

It was a joke. ...Mostly.

[He sniffs and surveys Karkat.]

Right, well, don't mind if I do piggy-back then. Because I quite like those two and I don't plan on letting them get hurt. But otherwise, I'll be on my own. Though, I'm going to take over your garage, hope you don't mind. And park my TARDIS in the living room.

[crusthatecean]

The garage is fine, I guess. My lusus lives in the basement, so don't go down there if you don't want your head clawed off, he doesn't like strangers. He also doesn't like messes, so don't make any.

They aren't going to get hurt, so I don't particularly give a fuck if you like them.

[coolbowtie]

Lusus? What's a lusus?

[crusthatecean]

Your species don't have lusii either? What, are you raised by adults like humans are?

[He scoffs like this is extremely ridiculous.]

My lusus is the giant crab monster that raised me. All of us are chosen by a vicious wild beast guardian once we've survived our trials and lived past grubhood.

[coolbowtie]

Yes, by adults. And don't knock it, I quite liked my parents.

[And have an eyeroll response.]

Well, he doesn't sound like much of a conversationalist. I'll leave him be.

[crusthatecean]

It's just absurd. Don't adults of your species have anything better to do than look after wigglers?

In our species, if an adult is in the hive, it means you've been slated for culling, so I'm serious about not bothering him. Until he gets used to you, he'll probably try to kill you.

[coolbowtie]

Actually, yeah, they did. S'why we were all shipped off to the academy at 8 years old.

And yeah, I was serious about leaving him be.

[Salute.]