"MY NAME IS DEREK....AND I HAVE DISCOVERED LIFE!!!"
where am i going in life? i cant start school now until later, my family needs me. my dad got a new job that is closer to our house than his old one. but the thing is he did not check to see how much the job paid. and now he makes $9 dollars an hour, he use to make 20. fuck. so now i feel like it is my duty to help my parents, they have always been there for me, and now its my turn to be there for them. so im getting a second job and helping out more, it hurts me to see my mom cry because she thinks that she has failed has a parent when she has to ask me for money. but i love my parents and i will do anything for them. i just wish things made since right now. im a fucking emotional wreck, i have lost so many friends, so much trust in people. nothing makes since anymore. now im suppose to be the grown up. but for some reason i just want to go back to high school. things were easier. i just had to go to school, then i went home and did homework, then i went to work, then i got to hang out with my friends. everything was so fucking easy. now all i do is work, i live so fucking far away from my work, that i am hardly home, just got home today and its been like a week. Now what do i do? was dating someone for a while. that didnt work out. we were just friends. thats fine by me. now there is more drama in life. i dont want any fucking drama. i just want it to stop, but everyone has drama. well i need to get a job. i will be working mornings and nights. like 40 hours a week per job. thats 80 hours a week. im going to be so fucking tired, and stressed out, thats why i started doing wrong things, started drinking, smoking, and doing drugs, things were so much better for me when i was on drugs or drunk. things made since, every time i was drunk or high i never had to think of any problems, now all i want is to smoke one bowl, or drink a 5th so fucking bad, then i dont have to think or worry, just laugh and feel loved and happy. maybe something is wrong with me......