I'm trying.. I'm trying...
LOLO yesterday sent me two e-mails and different time of the day.
Yea. I'm not well and I changed the e-mail addresses because they're company e-mail addresses and I don't want people to bombard me with three million e-mails at work. Not like I actually have 3 million readers out there. Like my previous e-mail, I'm trying. I'm trying to be... I really don't know. I just don't want to feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can never get out. I really don't know what I want to do in life. I'm twenty-four years old and yet I dont' have a direction in life. That would consider to be quite sad in a lot of people's eyes.
Then, I did tell my mom I wanted to go back to university. I only have an accounting and finance diploma. I don't want to be an accountant. Don't ask why I choose to study accounting, I didn't really have a choice. I wanted to choose art, except I remember people telling me:
"art and fashion isn't the industry you want to get into,
you'll have a hard time finding a job, and I won't be paying your tuition if you get in..
blah blah blah..." I don't really regret that I didn't accept my fashion & design offer from George Brown. Why? Because I don't really feel for it anymore. I don't really feel the need for what I use to want to do. I don't really know if I actually want to go back to school. Not because I can't study, I'm not a good student or I loathe school. I just don't really feel that I want to do something in life. I don't have the determination I had when I was in school or better yet, before this year.
Before I started this job as an accounting clerk in November 2006, I remember I wanted to just work my new job (ahhem the accounting clerk position I am doing now) for a year or so and transfer to a big company. Sadly, I guess due to everything that's happening and how my current boss makes me feel, I don't really have the motivation to work anymore.
Maybe I should do something to motivate me, but what? What is out there I can feel motivated? Well, one thing that motivates me is knowing there are better jobs out there and I am definitely going to find another job after this month. Why? Because it'll be 6 months as of the beginning of May. So I'll have some solid work experience to bullshit about in my next interview. Yes yes, most of an interview is about sucking up and giving what the interviewer wants but not fully lying to the interviewer, because you cannot just lie and tell them you have a double degree and a masters and a PhD. That's just crazy.
- From: LOLO
Sent: Wednesday, April 18, 2007 9:46 AM
To: Cara
Subject: RE: sob.
You take care. I can’t stand you always feeling sick. Maybe playing more Wii will work for you. At least it is working for me. Slight exercise is always a good thing. But you can nvr get good exercise with tennis. Bowling and baseball is fine.. - From: LOLO
Sent: Wednesday, April 18, 2007 9:59 AM
To: Cara
Subject: RE: sob.
And I can’t stand you being depressed all the time. Try to be happier. And don’t tell me if I win the lottery then you’ll always be happy. Even thou that’s true but that’s just lame. =P
Yea. I'm not well and I changed the e-mail addresses because they're company e-mail addresses and I don't want people to bombard me with three million e-mails at work. Not like I actually have 3 million readers out there. Like my previous e-mail, I'm trying. I'm trying to be... I really don't know. I just don't want to feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can never get out. I really don't know what I want to do in life. I'm twenty-four years old and yet I dont' have a direction in life. That would consider to be quite sad in a lot of people's eyes.
Then, I did tell my mom I wanted to go back to university. I only have an accounting and finance diploma. I don't want to be an accountant. Don't ask why I choose to study accounting, I didn't really have a choice. I wanted to choose art, except I remember people telling me:
"art and fashion isn't the industry you want to get into,
you'll have a hard time finding a job, and I won't be paying your tuition if you get in..
blah blah blah..." I don't really regret that I didn't accept my fashion & design offer from George Brown. Why? Because I don't really feel for it anymore. I don't really feel the need for what I use to want to do. I don't really know if I actually want to go back to school. Not because I can't study, I'm not a good student or I loathe school. I just don't really feel that I want to do something in life. I don't have the determination I had when I was in school or better yet, before this year.
Before I started this job as an accounting clerk in November 2006, I remember I wanted to just work my new job (ahhem the accounting clerk position I am doing now) for a year or so and transfer to a big company. Sadly, I guess due to everything that's happening and how my current boss makes me feel, I don't really have the motivation to work anymore.
Maybe I should do something to motivate me, but what? What is out there I can feel motivated? Well, one thing that motivates me is knowing there are better jobs out there and I am definitely going to find another job after this month. Why? Because it'll be 6 months as of the beginning of May. So I'll have some solid work experience to bullshit about in my next interview. Yes yes, most of an interview is about sucking up and giving what the interviewer wants but not fully lying to the interviewer, because you cannot just lie and tell them you have a double degree and a masters and a PhD. That's just crazy.