Just kick my ass already!

[cookie84]

I hate it when I'm talking to someone about weight, and they say, "well, you're not that big" or "I think you're kinda pretty". Like they don't think you're skinny and pretty, but they don't want to tell you that, because that would be rude! Like lying about it isn't! These are the same people who if you went in public with something embarrasing

Comments

[crimsoncoat]

Society has absurd appearance standards and, while nearly everyone is aware of this, few people acknowledge the repercussions associated with those standards.

I try not to think about this dillema too much, because I can't really spend time stressing on how I used to be, being since the person I used to be is still so painfully close, and I can't let myself be that person again...

It's likely no consolation, but I really felt that.

When my self-esteem was consistently low (now it merely fluctates very dramatically) I had more of a developed personality and didn't go with the flow as I do when I'm happier with myself. Instead I developed a certain persona that now nearly escapes me. People found amusement in that persona and would like to keep me around for that reason. I'm no longer an intriguing conversationalist for who I am but instead for what I say, which, when I worry about that, people just tune me out and exclude me. I think it's worth it, though, because when I do feel better about myself being less involved with others doesn't impact me as much.

Does any of the above paragraph have any relation to what you're going through? If not just pass it off as my insipid rambling.

[cookie84]

I'm no longer an intriguing conversationalist for who I am but instead for what I say...

That strikes home there. Although I still enjoy the company of other persons, even though my facade is present the whole time. The more company I have, the less likely I am to think, and though thinking may be good for some people, my thoughts have a tendency to turn negative when I'm alone, and I try my best not to allow that to happen. Therin lies my dependency on relationships, love, and friendships... I thrive on them.

I never pass off what you say as rambling, because you are a very intellegent individual, and I value what you have to say, but I sometimes decline to comment for fear of misinterpreting your post, and sounding seriously under educated.

[crimsoncoat]

Ah, so I imagine the key to repairing your problem might be finding a way to avoid negative thoughts without being dependent upon others?

Thanks for your nice comments, even if I don't think I realy deserve them. ^.^ Don't feel as if you're under-educated; that's not true, and it also makes me feel bad to know you might feel as such.

[cookie84]

Yes, there is a key, but someone has tossed it into the NY city sewer system (sounded worse than haystack), and I can't find it... And you shouldn't feel bad because I feel under-educated, I am the one who didn't finish college, and besides I guess I'm just jealous, because English is my favorite language and you speak it so well... :)

[crimsoncoat]

NY sewer system? Interesting. Maybe someone will find it; you know, homeless people supposedly live in the sewers.

Speak? My voice doesn't do well with the English language. It makes it sound caustic and not at all melodious. If my English speaking were a person it would be the posterperson for promoting romance languages.

[cookie84]

LOL!