(no subject)
I never think much of it when people say "It must have been so cool growing up in the city." I think it's a general rule that you never think much of things that you're used to. They are what they are. I grew up in the city, I can't really fathom how "cool" that must seem to some people because I don't know what it would be like to live anywhere else
I feel like people are trying to steal my city away from me. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I don't care. I sometimes forget how socially inept and introverted I am. Summers have always been slightly sad because for the most part everyone that I care about leaves. Whether it be family vacations or simply returning home for the summer. What I seem to have forgotten is that things should be that way. I need them to be. I've reached my maximum capacity for social interaction. I know it sounds crazy, but its true. I feel like I'm slowly shutting down. There's a considerable difference between me now and me last August. Last night I had this crazy urge to rip down all of the pictures and decorations on my wall and start packing. To go where I'm not sure. Just the thought of going away that comforts me.
Now that I'm faced with friends living in the city, trying to make New York their home, I want to cry. I'll never be able to just stroll through the village, find a comfy spot in the park and read for hours, or just sit at home alone without fear of bumping into someone I know or interruptions from so called friends wanting to "hang out". I'll always feel obliged to partake in whatever plans they've come up with or to concoct an excuse of why I can't. I could just say no, but how do you tell a friend you don't want to see them for the next three months? Most people just don't get it, and I'm no good at lying.
I could just run away to Florida, but that won't make me happy either.
I need my space and this city just isn't big enough for all of us.
I feel like people are trying to steal my city away from me. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I don't care. I sometimes forget how socially inept and introverted I am. Summers have always been slightly sad because for the most part everyone that I care about leaves. Whether it be family vacations or simply returning home for the summer. What I seem to have forgotten is that things should be that way. I need them to be. I've reached my maximum capacity for social interaction. I know it sounds crazy, but its true. I feel like I'm slowly shutting down. There's a considerable difference between me now and me last August. Last night I had this crazy urge to rip down all of the pictures and decorations on my wall and start packing. To go where I'm not sure. Just the thought of going away that comforts me.
Now that I'm faced with friends living in the city, trying to make New York their home, I want to cry. I'll never be able to just stroll through the village, find a comfy spot in the park and read for hours, or just sit at home alone without fear of bumping into someone I know or interruptions from so called friends wanting to "hang out". I'll always feel obliged to partake in whatever plans they've come up with or to concoct an excuse of why I can't. I could just say no, but how do you tell a friend you don't want to see them for the next three months? Most people just don't get it, and I'm no good at lying.
I could just run away to Florida, but that won't make me happy either.
I need my space and this city just isn't big enough for all of us.