Some people are asking for derision.
Originally published at Jessica DeCola. You can comment here or there.
And some people beg for it.
Can someone please explain to me what compels forty-something women in tracksuits to descend en masse upon coffee shops at around 10 AM? It’s a phenomena I’ve noticed just recently. I don’t suppose it’s anything like an organized effort to arrive all at once. I imagine it to be more of an instinctual thing - like zombies that sense where the last living souls in a town are hiding. They are pulled by a force they are dimly aware of, yet can never fully grasp. Only instead of killing people, they just stand around impatiently waiting for lattes and perfecting the disdainful lip pursing that sour, crabby bitches are prone to display.
I feel like wearing a track suit is meant to imply that you lead such a busy, hectic life that you simply cannot be constrianed by regular clothes. I guess the other alternative is that you’re on your way to the gym in full makeup and enormous earrings - but probably not clad head to toe in velour. Somehow I find it hard to believe that any of them have anything terribly important to do in a given day. I think they mostly just take their coffees home, watch The View and talk to their friends about how much fun it would be to start an online business selling custom made clothes for toy breed dogs.
Speaking of, while at Barnes & Noble, I saw a book of clothing patterns you can knit for your dog. On the front of it was a poodle wearing goddamn hand-knit leg warmers. I think this might be why I’m a little short tempered with humanity in general today.