ficlet: close [lotrips]

[thejennabides]

TITLE: Close (1/1)
AUTHOR: Jenwyn (thejennabides)
FANDOM: LOTR RPS
PAIRING: Elijah/Billy
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Made up. Not real. Never happened. Not implying anything. Fiction.
NOTE: Written in 72 minutes for the contrelamontre three senses challenge.
DEDICATION: for mcee and ella_minnow

Comments

[_peapod]

Oh. My. God. I'm sorry not to give frightfully constructive feedback, but I'm too bowled over by how beautiful this is.

He’s still not close enough, still not closed enough, it’s still not dark enough. This is so wonderfully written; the repetition gives it a sort of slow urgency, if that makes sense. Bleh - my English teacher would kill me.

Adore the ending. Little Boy Lost Elijah is so sad, yet so lovely. Oh, pathos:)

[thejennabides]

the repetition gives it a sort of slow urgency, if that makes sense.

Yes, that makes perfect sense to me and I'm so pleased, because it's just what I wanted with the rhythm there: the feeling you get when you're tired, but you can't sleep; desire-induced insomnia, when part of you is reaching for something and part of you wants to go to sleep, and just as you are lulling yourself into sleep - you somehow find yourself more awake than ever. (If that makes any sense!)

Adore the ending.

Thank you! Elijah's last line was the first thing that came to me, and when I started writing I thought it was going to be the beginning of the real story even though it wasn't the first line - but when I got to that point, I found it wanted to be the ending.

Thanks again for reading!

Re:

[_peapod]

I always start like that - a line pops into my head and clamours to be written down, but the rest of the story never turns out how I'd have imagined, given that one line. I think my brain is topsy turvy, though, because I generally know what happens at the end before I know what happens at the start:-O

No problem with the reading - do you have any other stuff around I could take a look at? xx

[thejennabides]

I'm all in favor of the topsy-turvy! :p

do you have any other stuff around I could take a look at?

Yep! Right here, although it hasn't been updated for a couple of weeks, so it's missing the most recent few.

[oneangrykate]

This definitely leaves me wanting more. I love how so much is expressed in so little words. And Billy/Elijah is a major soft spot for me. Lovely.

[thejennabides]

Oh, thank you! Am very pleased you liked it. :) I don't write Billy often, but he just seems to go with Elijah for me. *pets boys*

[qthelights]

Ooh... I love the ending of this.. everything is so warm and slow and then Elijah's breath quickening.. eee... and an unusual and great pairing :)

[thejennabides]

oh, thank you! I'd had the bunny for this for awhile, starting with Elijah and the last line. didn't know who he was talking to at first, and then I saw Billy in the other bed and the whole thing came together. am so happy you liked it! :)

[andrealyn]

Oh so pretty, and that last little (perfect) line was just so wonderful and I can hear it, and it's so lovely. A wonderful little piece!

[thejennabides]

thank you very much! I'm so pleased you liked, especially the ending. :)