Submissive
...Something just came to mind. And it got me thinking...See...About being submissive...Its an emotional, mental, spiritual and physical thing. I honestly do not believe you can truly submit to anyone until you've reached all those levels of submission. This is just coming from what experience I do have and my own introspective explorations. However as I know that...I wonder...Is every persons the submission the same? Does it have the same effect?
For example...If my Master seems in the least bit agitated with me...And he says something even somewhat lending to that...My stomach twists and flutters, but in a very uncomfortable way. My throat tightens, and a feel like a static awareness along my skin. My lips tingle with that awareness and my ears actually ring...And I instantly duck my head. My shoulders lift, my head is ducked my eyes downcast... Now...None of this is pleasurable...The static awareness that I described may sound like it could feel good but it does not. It's like...A primitive reflexive sharpening of senses. Looking for danger...
Let me clarify I am not a beaten woman or anything. I have had some minor physical violence and abuse in my life but nothing that warrants that reaction. And those people that have hurt me do not inspire that reaction. On the contrary I stand up to them and fight them until the bitter end...And then tremble and cry like a baby when its all done.
I am not physically afraid of my Master. Or emotionally. I am not afraid of him at all. I respect him, I respect him and his position and I am keenly aware that he can do anything he damn well pleases with me.
He really doesn't have to have any justification...I agreed to that when I submitted to him. And I submitted to him because I trusted him not to cause serious damage to me. He has never, I doubt he will ever. And I am thankful that I could have the luck to find my self owned by someone I am able to trust.
But really...I wonder if other girls react in that way? Or if it is just me? Is it a natural human instinct to react in that way when truly submitted?
Human instinct is to establish hierarchy. We are pack animals down to the core. And instinctively we single out leaders and followers in groups of friends or even amongst strangers.
Even when we meet another person we are looking for hints and clues about how to behave around that person. Even if you are not aware of it. The way they hold themselves, what is reflected in their expression and eyes...The tone and sound of their voice. And undoubtedly chemical signals as well. We pick up on those on some level and decipher them and act in accordance with your own persona...
For a Dominant person if he or she meets another Dominant person there is tension. A slight sometimes completely unseen battle...I feel it... But I don't think others are as sensitive. But there is...A sizing up. A leader must be established and quickly...Because we are pack animals.
Sometimes if a leader is never decided on the war wages. This leads to fights and aggression and dislike...Even if they are not aware of the reason...I have seen this in my own brother.
My brother is a very dominant personality...And he is only getting more so as he grows older. But for example my mothers boyfriend...Constant battles between them. Neither willing to let go, neither willing to give in. So there was just static there...I hated being around them together. Eventually my brother over came...But what I am trying to say is I have seen this first hand.
Now another proof of that sort of interaction is with my self and my brother. He is my brother...We are not best friends. We are not close...Per say. We fight...We bicker...Kind of a love hate thing. But with...A form of respect and understanding...Along with mutual life experiences that keeps us somewhat united. That and inherited similarities. But let me go on.
Recently I spent some time at my brothers newly acquired home after not having been around for two years...In those two years my brother got a wife, two new cars, and a house with property...In short my bother in the last two years has got a lot more ego. Something I did not take into consideration when I interacted with him.
He was my brother, I didn't realize anything had changed...But...I did get some hints. He was more bossy then before...And not just to Lindz (His wife) but to anyone that came into his home...Or anyone he already had established some form of relationship with. He also had a different way of holding him self...Taller, more pumped up, back straight, not hunched. He would level a stare on you and hold it for much longer then before. Yet I just wasn't paying close enough attention.
My mistake. Because I began to feel very uncomfortable...In his mind...Even subconscious mind I was not respecting him or his space as much as he liked. And in truth I wasn't. I was just treating him like Mike...But he wasn't Mike really anymore. He was Mr.Mike. He started snapping at me...Less and less patient...I started spending more and more time away from him. And then it broke.
He in his usual bouts of mischief and shit and decided to launch staples at me from a staple gun...Now usually I'd laugh it off...But it scared me. And I was already having a bad day...And I got stupid, stood up and grabbed something like I was going to hit him ...I physically challenged him...My brother...6'4 300 pound ogre...Me...5'3 130 pound ditz... Yeah...Laugh...
Well...That did not go over well. He stepped up in true alpha male fashion, leveled me with a stare and which immediately scared the shit out of me...But that was my brother...So you know I had to puff up and try to defend my self...It ended in me retreating to the room holding back tears...
What I am trying to get at...Is I wonder...If its just me that reacts to that sort of thing in that way or if other subs do the same? I know that sensitivity makes me a good slave...But I just wonder about other subs...
~Jessie
For example...If my Master seems in the least bit agitated with me...And he says something even somewhat lending to that...My stomach twists and flutters, but in a very uncomfortable way. My throat tightens, and a feel like a static awareness along my skin. My lips tingle with that awareness and my ears actually ring...And I instantly duck my head. My shoulders lift, my head is ducked my eyes downcast... Now...None of this is pleasurable...The static awareness that I described may sound like it could feel good but it does not. It's like...A primitive reflexive sharpening of senses. Looking for danger...
Let me clarify I am not a beaten woman or anything. I have had some minor physical violence and abuse in my life but nothing that warrants that reaction. And those people that have hurt me do not inspire that reaction. On the contrary I stand up to them and fight them until the bitter end...And then tremble and cry like a baby when its all done.
I am not physically afraid of my Master. Or emotionally. I am not afraid of him at all. I respect him, I respect him and his position and I am keenly aware that he can do anything he damn well pleases with me.
He really doesn't have to have any justification...I agreed to that when I submitted to him. And I submitted to him because I trusted him not to cause serious damage to me. He has never, I doubt he will ever. And I am thankful that I could have the luck to find my self owned by someone I am able to trust.
But really...I wonder if other girls react in that way? Or if it is just me? Is it a natural human instinct to react in that way when truly submitted?
Human instinct is to establish hierarchy. We are pack animals down to the core. And instinctively we single out leaders and followers in groups of friends or even amongst strangers.
Even when we meet another person we are looking for hints and clues about how to behave around that person. Even if you are not aware of it. The way they hold themselves, what is reflected in their expression and eyes...The tone and sound of their voice. And undoubtedly chemical signals as well. We pick up on those on some level and decipher them and act in accordance with your own persona...
For a Dominant person if he or she meets another Dominant person there is tension. A slight sometimes completely unseen battle...I feel it... But I don't think others are as sensitive. But there is...A sizing up. A leader must be established and quickly...Because we are pack animals.
Sometimes if a leader is never decided on the war wages. This leads to fights and aggression and dislike...Even if they are not aware of the reason...I have seen this in my own brother.
My brother is a very dominant personality...And he is only getting more so as he grows older. But for example my mothers boyfriend...Constant battles between them. Neither willing to let go, neither willing to give in. So there was just static there...I hated being around them together. Eventually my brother over came...But what I am trying to say is I have seen this first hand.
Now another proof of that sort of interaction is with my self and my brother. He is my brother...We are not best friends. We are not close...Per say. We fight...We bicker...Kind of a love hate thing. But with...A form of respect and understanding...Along with mutual life experiences that keeps us somewhat united. That and inherited similarities. But let me go on.
Recently I spent some time at my brothers newly acquired home after not having been around for two years...In those two years my brother got a wife, two new cars, and a house with property...In short my bother in the last two years has got a lot more ego. Something I did not take into consideration when I interacted with him.
He was my brother, I didn't realize anything had changed...But...I did get some hints. He was more bossy then before...And not just to Lindz (His wife) but to anyone that came into his home...Or anyone he already had established some form of relationship with. He also had a different way of holding him self...Taller, more pumped up, back straight, not hunched. He would level a stare on you and hold it for much longer then before. Yet I just wasn't paying close enough attention.
My mistake. Because I began to feel very uncomfortable...In his mind...Even subconscious mind I was not respecting him or his space as much as he liked. And in truth I wasn't. I was just treating him like Mike...But he wasn't Mike really anymore. He was Mr.Mike. He started snapping at me...Less and less patient...I started spending more and more time away from him. And then it broke.
He in his usual bouts of mischief and shit and decided to launch staples at me from a staple gun...Now usually I'd laugh it off...But it scared me. And I was already having a bad day...And I got stupid, stood up and grabbed something like I was going to hit him ...I physically challenged him...My brother...6'4 300 pound ogre...Me...5'3 130 pound ditz... Yeah...Laugh...
Well...That did not go over well. He stepped up in true alpha male fashion, leveled me with a stare and which immediately scared the shit out of me...But that was my brother...So you know I had to puff up and try to defend my self...It ended in me retreating to the room holding back tears...
What I am trying to get at...Is I wonder...If its just me that reacts to that sort of thing in that way or if other subs do the same? I know that sensitivity makes me a good slave...But I just wonder about other subs...
~Jessie