Dalai Lama comes to Smith College, retarded questions ensue
Last year the Dalai Lama came and spoke at Smith College. Smith, as well as Hampshire students, had the opportunity to go and listen to the Dalai Lama speak. The Dalai Lama was smart. Meanwhile, the audience asked the Dalai Lama retarded questions. We wouldn't want to scare an old, Asian man, who's spent his life working towards enlightenment, away with a hard question, would we? Basically, here's how the event went down:
PERSON 1: Dalai Lama, how would you suggest going about making the perfect peanut butter and jelly sammich?
[Everyone in the room stares anxiously towards the Dalai Lama. Their mouthes drool at the prospect of a sammich that can bring them enlightenment]
DALAI LAMA: That's a good question?
[Dalai Lama looks towards his translator to make sure he actually heard that question right. The translator nods sadly]
DALAI LAMA: Well, I would assume that like many things in life the simplest answer is the best. I would start with two slices of bread, no particular type of bread of course, as each person may find that they prefer different types of bread. Apply peanut butter to one slice, and then to the other apply jelly. Bring them together like the opposing forces of the universe. You may them consume them. You consume the opposing forces. You are the master of your life.
[DL stares back at his translator just make sure, one last time, that he heard the question correctly. The audience begins to applaud]
PERSON 2: Dalai Lama! Dalai Lama! I am a single mother of five-
[The audience begins to clap. That is just so brave of her. She has five kids? And she's single? And she still has the courage to stand up and ask the Dalai Lama questions? So brave.]
PERSON 2: Yes, thank you. Anyway, I-
[The audience cannot stop applauding. Can you believe this woman? What must she be going through right now? Every morning must be a battle just to find enough strength to get up. Soooo brave!]
PERSON 2: Anyway, I was curious as to what you think about the issue of child proof medicine bottles. Can't children just get into them anyway?
[His Holiness briefly wonders if anyone out there has read his book The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality, or know about his Nobel Peace Prize]
DALAI LAMA: I think that, over time, parents slowly realize that as much as they want to, they cannot protect their children forever. There will always be boogey-men, or in this case, boogey-things-
[Everyone chuckles. Awww, the Dalai Lama is soooo kawaii!]
DALAI LAMA: -But the trick comes not in caging our children up to keep them safe, but in teaching them, and giving them the wisdom to not take your prescription medicine.
[More applause! How great it is that the Dalai Lama came to Northampton today. Where does he come up with this stuff? Amirite?]
PERSON 3: Hey Dalai Lama! Global Warming is bad.
[This is not a question. In retribution, the Dalai Lama uses his awesome Enlightenment™ powers to make the person feel slightly uncomfortable. About what they do not know, but suddenly they feel further from Enlightenment™]
PERSON 3: [shifting around awkwardly] Ummm... uhhh...
[Suddenly the Dalai Lama begins to lift slightly off the ground. He secures his khata, tilts at a 45 degree angle and blasts backwards out of the building through the walls! The audience stands up and begins applauding uproariously.]
PERSON 1: Dalai Lama, how would you suggest going about making the perfect peanut butter and jelly sammich?
[Everyone in the room stares anxiously towards the Dalai Lama. Their mouthes drool at the prospect of a sammich that can bring them enlightenment]
DALAI LAMA: That's a good question?
[Dalai Lama looks towards his translator to make sure he actually heard that question right. The translator nods sadly]
DALAI LAMA: Well, I would assume that like many things in life the simplest answer is the best. I would start with two slices of bread, no particular type of bread of course, as each person may find that they prefer different types of bread. Apply peanut butter to one slice, and then to the other apply jelly. Bring them together like the opposing forces of the universe. You may them consume them. You consume the opposing forces. You are the master of your life.
[DL stares back at his translator just make sure, one last time, that he heard the question correctly. The audience begins to applaud]
PERSON 2: Dalai Lama! Dalai Lama! I am a single mother of five-
[The audience begins to clap. That is just so brave of her. She has five kids? And she's single? And she still has the courage to stand up and ask the Dalai Lama questions? So brave.]
PERSON 2: Yes, thank you. Anyway, I-
[The audience cannot stop applauding. Can you believe this woman? What must she be going through right now? Every morning must be a battle just to find enough strength to get up. Soooo brave!]
PERSON 2: Anyway, I was curious as to what you think about the issue of child proof medicine bottles. Can't children just get into them anyway?
[His Holiness briefly wonders if anyone out there has read his book The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality, or know about his Nobel Peace Prize]
DALAI LAMA: I think that, over time, parents slowly realize that as much as they want to, they cannot protect their children forever. There will always be boogey-men, or in this case, boogey-things-
[Everyone chuckles. Awww, the Dalai Lama is soooo kawaii!]
DALAI LAMA: -But the trick comes not in caging our children up to keep them safe, but in teaching them, and giving them the wisdom to not take your prescription medicine.
[More applause! How great it is that the Dalai Lama came to Northampton today. Where does he come up with this stuff? Amirite?]
PERSON 3: Hey Dalai Lama! Global Warming is bad.
[This is not a question. In retribution, the Dalai Lama uses his awesome Enlightenment™ powers to make the person feel slightly uncomfortable. About what they do not know, but suddenly they feel further from Enlightenment™]
PERSON 3: [shifting around awkwardly] Ummm... uhhh...
[Suddenly the Dalai Lama begins to lift slightly off the ground. He secures his khata, tilts at a 45 degree angle and blasts backwards out of the building through the walls! The audience stands up and begins applauding uproariously.]