...ill still be dreaming of that "white xmas".....
I guess I will have to wait one more year to know what it is like to wake up with snow on christmas morning....so close this year....but alas, i leave for L.A on wed morning and it is around 85 degrees there...like having christmas in the Bahamas compared to this place...
I find it very appropriate that my last final was to paint a Vanite for myself. I DO feel as though a part of me has died. Not necessarily a good thing, but also not a bad thing. Just something that was awoken and then finally vanquished. A calm has come over me of late. Some things might be coming to a close and others are beginning to take form. And one does not affect the other, which is nice. Life is just evening out again. This isnt middleground; this is surviving. Once again I turned everything I experienced into some kind of art form. Chris was NOT far off when he teased me about "just wanting to experience everything so I could write about it later."
And despite all the fog and mist that surrounded me this semester, a light managed to shone through at the last moment. My final painting not only captured what I couldnt say for so long, but was the first piece of artwork I did this past year that I really felt free doing. And, I might add, pushed me just THAT much closer to a "style". I share it with you all:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v157/c0nsumerwh0r/vanite.jpg
And no matter what a certain somebody thinks he did to me, I cant help but be grateful for all the other wonderful times he has bestowed in my life. Even these past few weeks of fighting and crying and poitning fingers and "pony therapy" I wouldnt trade for anything. This is life and he makes me feel and think and get angry and laugh harder than I have with anyone else. Metaphorically its like we have been stabbing each other's hearts out while making love and chosen to swallow them whole. My heart is beating in his chest. You cant help but hate someone forever for that....espacially when you're as afraid of being vulnerable as I am.
next week will give me plenty of time to write poems and rambling reflecting more on this semester im sure. Until then....
I find it very appropriate that my last final was to paint a Vanite for myself. I DO feel as though a part of me has died. Not necessarily a good thing, but also not a bad thing. Just something that was awoken and then finally vanquished. A calm has come over me of late. Some things might be coming to a close and others are beginning to take form. And one does not affect the other, which is nice. Life is just evening out again. This isnt middleground; this is surviving. Once again I turned everything I experienced into some kind of art form. Chris was NOT far off when he teased me about "just wanting to experience everything so I could write about it later."
And despite all the fog and mist that surrounded me this semester, a light managed to shone through at the last moment. My final painting not only captured what I couldnt say for so long, but was the first piece of artwork I did this past year that I really felt free doing. And, I might add, pushed me just THAT much closer to a "style". I share it with you all:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v157/c0nsumerwh0r/vanite.jpg
And no matter what a certain somebody thinks he did to me, I cant help but be grateful for all the other wonderful times he has bestowed in my life. Even these past few weeks of fighting and crying and poitning fingers and "pony therapy" I wouldnt trade for anything. This is life and he makes me feel and think and get angry and laugh harder than I have with anyone else. Metaphorically its like we have been stabbing each other's hearts out while making love and chosen to swallow them whole. My heart is beating in his chest. You cant help but hate someone forever for that....espacially when you're as afraid of being vulnerable as I am.
next week will give me plenty of time to write poems and rambling reflecting more on this semester im sure. Until then....