God Bless Brandon Small...
this is the latest article he wrote for the Onion, and i thought it was so hilarious i just HAD to post it.....its called "Brendon Small: The Joseph Campbell of Comedy":
"They say comedy is tragedy plus time, which may be true. But then again, veal parmesan is also tragedy plus time. So it's hard to tell what is funny, because veal parmesan isn't terribly funny. You'll know what I mean when you try performing a live "vealing" at a comedy club.
Hatred and fear are the root of all comedy-maybe. Hatred. The core of all humor. Look deep within the bowels of any knock-knock joke and you'll find white-knuckled fists pounding angrily at the door, only to ruin the self-esteem and mind-fuck the answerer. And we (as a country) must never let the knocker in. Why? Because he's there to kill you. Every knock-knock joke, when magnified, is a recipe for murder. Think about it, shitheads: a strange person who you could never recognize, spinning lies-he's the devil and he wants your soul. Because he's going to eat it. For dinner. And you're invited to the dinner, too. That you're the food for. The main course for.
"Why, then, am I laughing at knock-knock jokes all the time?"
Donald Fagginston, Tompsonston, VT
Good question. We laugh because we fear death and mutilation and brain rape. But those things shouldn't be feared, but embraced. Think about it. It makes sense. Those are GOOD things.
So I'd like to end with this, a joke. Tell it to all your friends at the office, and if they don't laugh, then they're stupid and afraid, and they support Osama bin Laden. Here goes (and, by the way, you're welcome): "Knock-knock. Who's there? Beowulf. Beowulf who? Just Beowulf, no last name. What do you want? To kill you and take over your kingdom. Why would you do that? Because. Because why? Because you're stupid and you're slowly putting on weight. Now, let me in there so I can kill you."
[Remember to pause for laughs, because they're gonna be big.]"
"They say comedy is tragedy plus time, which may be true. But then again, veal parmesan is also tragedy plus time. So it's hard to tell what is funny, because veal parmesan isn't terribly funny. You'll know what I mean when you try performing a live "vealing" at a comedy club.
Hatred and fear are the root of all comedy-maybe. Hatred. The core of all humor. Look deep within the bowels of any knock-knock joke and you'll find white-knuckled fists pounding angrily at the door, only to ruin the self-esteem and mind-fuck the answerer. And we (as a country) must never let the knocker in. Why? Because he's there to kill you. Every knock-knock joke, when magnified, is a recipe for murder. Think about it, shitheads: a strange person who you could never recognize, spinning lies-he's the devil and he wants your soul. Because he's going to eat it. For dinner. And you're invited to the dinner, too. That you're the food for. The main course for.
"Why, then, am I laughing at knock-knock jokes all the time?"
Donald Fagginston, Tompsonston, VT
Good question. We laugh because we fear death and mutilation and brain rape. But those things shouldn't be feared, but embraced. Think about it. It makes sense. Those are GOOD things.
So I'd like to end with this, a joke. Tell it to all your friends at the office, and if they don't laugh, then they're stupid and afraid, and they support Osama bin Laden. Here goes (and, by the way, you're welcome): "Knock-knock. Who's there? Beowulf. Beowulf who? Just Beowulf, no last name. What do you want? To kill you and take over your kingdom. Why would you do that? Because. Because why? Because you're stupid and you're slowly putting on weight. Now, let me in there so I can kill you."
[Remember to pause for laughs, because they're gonna be big.]"