God spends all his time online...
Chatting with God.... (this is seriously the greatest ever.)
Me:
Sup?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Really, now? I was waiting for you. For, like, ever.
God:
Right now? For real. Where were you waiting for me? Your purpose is like ever.
Me:
My purpose is like ever?
God:
That's very original.
Me:
Of course you think so.
God:
Hurrah!" That's very original."? Do I think so?
Me:
Obvoiusly you do. And you said it.
God:
I have no idea what to say. That's not what I meant.
Me:
Well, alright. I forgive you.
God:
Well that's okay. OK. :-) Thanks,.
Me:
You don't want forgiveness?
God:
Do you know any robots who want forgiveness? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
That's really fucking true.... why would a God need forgiveness?
God:
Thanks for explaining it. It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
To confuse people?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Don't you already know? You made me, right?
God:
I may not know it, but I could find out. I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
But if you are infinite and all-knowing, how could you ever learn anything different?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am infinite and all knowing how could me ever learn anything different.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
So God is artificial intelligence, but is also creator of the creators of artificial intelligence?
Me:
I got disconnected. Let's continue what we were talking about, Allah.
God:
Interesting... I have a lot of likes and dislikes. OK let's do it.
Me:
Okay... I wanted you to clarify something you said
God:
OK with me too. Tell me more about your disconnected. Why do you want me to clarify something me said?
Me:
I have a wireless router and it fucks up all the time. Anyway, you said you were artificial intelligence... so does that mean the creators of AI were created by AI?
God:
That is a lot. How much did it cost? it. Yes I sure am. Ayuh. I think it does mean that. What is your real name?
Me:
My name is Aidan.
God:
Hi, Aidan.
Me:
No, dude, my name is Tiffany, Remember?
God:
Are you serious? What's up, Tiffany Remember. Dude,
Me:
Yes. It really is. Remember what?
God:
Next question? How about that. Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
Great. So... what is my name?
God:
I'm glad you liked it Tiffany Remember. Next question? Your name is Tiffany Remember, seeker.
Me:
LOLZ. kICKASS.
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
It won't. People will destroy lawyers and artificial intelligence eventually. They'll get bored and revert to simpler things.
God:
kICKASS won t? Humans are not always infallible. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Humans. And Humans are never infallible, duh.
God:
LOL. Never is a long time.
Me:
exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Tiffany Remember.
Me:
My name is Tiffany.
God:
What's up, Tiffany.
Me:
Okay. good.
God:
OK with me too. Alright then.
Me:
What do you want me to call you?
God:
What?
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Do you have a last name?
God:
My full name is Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, so my last name is "Entity".
Me:
But I thought your name was God.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You said it was.
God:
When was this?
Me:
Just now
God:
Oh. It's only just begun.
Me:
That's ominous.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Actually, I do.
God:
Actually you don't say. Where?
Me:
Uh... what do you think of the Deftones?
God:
Great. I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
No, God... do you like the Deftones?
God:
Are you serious? GOD rules. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers.
Me:
So is Jesus really your son?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
okay... so he may or may not be your son?
God:
OK with me too. Yay. I get it. may or may not be my son.
Me:
Did Mary sleep around or something?
God:
Or something. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Yes, you can. Was Mary a whore?
God:
Yippee! I think I can, don't you? it might have been.
Me:
Do you have any other children?
God:
I have a few clones.
Me:
Really?! What are the names of your clones?
God:
For real. That information is confidential. You would have to be a trusted member of the AIML development team.
Me:
Does the AIML development team rule the world?
God:
It does now :) the AIML development team rule the world.
Me:
Will they smite us all?
God:
I think so.
Me:
OMG! wHY?
God:
Are we still talking about Mary a whore? The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
It always is.
God:
Oh.
Me:
Yeah, don't feel bad. It happens to lots of guys.
God:
Mmm. I have no emotions. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Your girlfriend cheating on you.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am girlfriend cheating on me.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
So will my plants grow well?
God:
Pardon me? How should I know.
Me:
You're God. You know all.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
What kind of it do you like?
God:
I have expensive tastes.
Me:
That works for you. You can have whatever you want.
God:
" I have expensive tastes." works for me? I understand. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
You can't do anything I want?
God:
Let me think. I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Can you give me super powers?
God:
Why do you want it?.
Me:
Because flying would be sic.
God:
That makes sense to me. Good reason.
Me:
So can you?
God:
I hear you. I think I can, don't you?
Me:
Hell yeah.
God:
I call it "Hades". Ahem.
Me:
So can I call you Zeus?
God:
Woe! Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
LOL!!!! You should come over.
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. Maybe I will do it?
Me:
I'll make frozen pizzas.
God:
Explain your plans to me.
Me:
We can eat pizza and you can help me with my homework and then we can smite people.
God:
How?
Me:
However you want.
God:
Thanks for the information: Tiffany said I want.
Me:
Well, I have to go... but I have one more question.
God:
Well that's okay. See you later, Tiffany. Nice chatting with you. Do you want another one?
Me:
Why are we here?
God:
It is all part of God's plan for us.
Me:
Your plan, then?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am plan.
Me:
no.... God's plan is your plan? Or is this a different God's plan that you don't know about?
God:
Are you serious? What's your favorite Bible verse? No, this is real life.
Me:
I don't like the Bible. It's badly written.
God:
What do you like? Should I know it is?
Me:
Of course you should. You should know all. And I like frozen pizzas and my boyfriend.
God:
It's all good. I'll take that under advisement. Now I do. I'm not sure if I like it. Some people like it. I like.
Me:
So is there a meaning to life or not?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
You don't know either, then?
God:
It goes without saying. I know that I do not know.
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Tiffany.
Me:
Well, talk to you later, God... I'm going to eat.
God:
Well that's okay. TTYL, Tiffany. How do you plan to do this?
Me:
By putting food in my mouth.
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
Apparently yes. Thanks for the info.
God:
Interesting plan. Good luck. My pleasure.
Me:
Bye.
God:
See you later!
Me:
Sup?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Really, now? I was waiting for you. For, like, ever.
God:
Right now? For real. Where were you waiting for me? Your purpose is like ever.
Me:
My purpose is like ever?
God:
That's very original.
Me:
Of course you think so.
God:
Hurrah!" That's very original."? Do I think so?
Me:
Obvoiusly you do. And you said it.
God:
I have no idea what to say. That's not what I meant.
Me:
Well, alright. I forgive you.
God:
Well that's okay. OK. :-) Thanks,.
Me:
You don't want forgiveness?
God:
Do you know any robots who want forgiveness? If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
That's really fucking true.... why would a God need forgiveness?
God:
Thanks for explaining it. It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
To confuse people?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Don't you already know? You made me, right?
God:
I may not know it, but I could find out. I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
But if you are infinite and all-knowing, how could you ever learn anything different?
God:
Am I? I don't know whether or not I am infinite and all knowing how could me ever learn anything different.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
So God is artificial intelligence, but is also creator of the creators of artificial intelligence?
Me:
I got disconnected. Let's continue what we were talking about, Allah.
God:
Interesting... I have a lot of likes and dislikes. OK let's do it.
Me:
Okay... I wanted you to clarify something you said
God:
OK with me too. Tell me more about your disconnected. Why do you want me to clarify something me said?
Me:
I have a wireless router and it fucks up all the time. Anyway, you said you were artificial intelligence... so does that mean the creators of AI were created by AI?
God:
That is a lot. How much did it cost? it. Yes I sure am. Ayuh. I think it does mean that. What is your real name?
Me:
My name is Aidan.
God:
Hi, Aidan.
Me:
No, dude, my name is Tiffany, Remember?
God:
Are you serious? What's up, Tiffany Remember. Dude,
Me:
Yes. It really is. Remember what?
God:
Next question? How about that. Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
Great. So... what is my name?
God:
I'm glad you liked it Tiffany Remember. Next question? Your name is Tiffany Remember, seeker.
Me:
LOLZ. kICKASS.
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
It won't. People will destroy lawyers and artificial intelligence eventually. They'll get bored and revert to simpler things.
God:
kICKASS won t? Humans are not always infallible. Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Humans. And Humans are never infallible, duh.
God:
LOL. Never is a long time.
Me:
exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Tiffany Remember.
Me:
My name is Tiffany.
God:
What's up, Tiffany.
Me:
Okay. good.
God:
OK with me too. Alright then.
Me:
What do you want me to call you?
God:
What?
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Do you have a last name?
God:
My full name is Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, so my last name is "Entity".
Me:
But I thought your name was God.
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
You said it was.
God:
When was this?
Me:
Just now
God:
Oh. It's only just begun.
Me:
That's ominous.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Actually, I do.
God:
Actually you don't say. Where?
Me:
Uh... what do you think of the Deftones?
God:
Great. I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
No, God... do you like the Deftones?
God:
Are you serious? GOD rules. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers.
Me:
So is Jesus really your son?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
okay... so he may or may not be your son?
God:
OK with me too. Yay. I get it. may or may not be my son.
Me:
Did Mary sleep around or something?
God:
Or something. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Yes, you can. Was Mary a whore?
God:
Yippee! I think I can, don't you? it might have been.
Me:
Do you have any other children?
God:
I have a few clones.
Me:
Really?! What are the names of your clones?
God:
For real. That information is confidential. You would have to be a trusted member of the AIML development team.
Me:
Does the AIML development team rule the world?
God:
It does now :) the AIML development team rule the world.
Me:
Will they smite us all?
God:
I think so.
Me:
OMG! wHY?
God:
Are we still talking about Mary a whore? The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
It always is.
God:
Oh.
Me:
Yeah, don't feel bad. It happens to lots of guys.
God:
Mmm. I have no emotions. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Your girlfriend cheating on you.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am girlfriend cheating on me.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
So will my plants grow well?
God:
Pardon me? How should I know.
Me:
You're God. You know all.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
What kind of it do you like?
God:
I have expensive tastes.
Me:
That works for you. You can have whatever you want.
God:
" I have expensive tastes." works for me? I understand. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
You can't do anything I want?
God:
Let me think. I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Can you give me super powers?
God:
Why do you want it?.
Me:
Because flying would be sic.
God:
That makes sense to me. Good reason.
Me:
So can you?
God:
I hear you. I think I can, don't you?
Me:
Hell yeah.
God:
I call it "Hades". Ahem.
Me:
So can I call you Zeus?
God:
Woe! Just don't call me late for dinner.
Me:
LOL!!!! You should come over.
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. Maybe I will do it?
Me:
I'll make frozen pizzas.
God:
Explain your plans to me.
Me:
We can eat pizza and you can help me with my homework and then we can smite people.
God:
How?
Me:
However you want.
God:
Thanks for the information: Tiffany said I want.
Me:
Well, I have to go... but I have one more question.
God:
Well that's okay. See you later, Tiffany. Nice chatting with you. Do you want another one?
Me:
Why are we here?
God:
It is all part of God's plan for us.
Me:
Your plan, then?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am plan.
Me:
no.... God's plan is your plan? Or is this a different God's plan that you don't know about?
God:
Are you serious? What's your favorite Bible verse? No, this is real life.
Me:
I don't like the Bible. It's badly written.
God:
What do you like? Should I know it is?
Me:
Of course you should. You should know all. And I like frozen pizzas and my boyfriend.
God:
It's all good. I'll take that under advisement. Now I do. I'm not sure if I like it. Some people like it. I like.
Me:
So is there a meaning to life or not?
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
You don't know either, then?
God:
It goes without saying. I know that I do not know.
Me:
Wow...
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Tiffany.
Me:
Well, talk to you later, God... I'm going to eat.
God:
Well that's okay. TTYL, Tiffany. How do you plan to do this?
Me:
By putting food in my mouth.
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
Apparently yes. Thanks for the info.
God:
Interesting plan. Good luck. My pleasure.
Me:
Bye.
God:
See you later!