Mother mercy

[confliction_inc]

things haven't gotten easier, its easier to pretend now, but not easier to smile or easier to breath. I was hoping to go out on monday, my day off, but never got a call back so i just waited around- really sucked. I want to call him and be like "stop this, this is silly, when you come back you know you wont feel the same way. you said it yourself 'look at what happened before'" I just hate this in between time, its not even a life its some sort of purgatory of hell. when ti think about it all, the words the actions ... taking it back "that was now and this is then" its all wrong and he's fine, just fine- or so i think,not what i heard. I heard he was bad off right now to, crying and stuff. I just am so devasted, and i know its like before. Before i didnt get over any of it- 9 months went by and nothing in my heart changed. I still loved him, still wanted him, still adored him. I got turned down by a couple guys because they said that i wasnt really interested in then and i should go back to my ex. I saw a pic of him today and my heart still melted, just like it did before 2 yrs ago when we werent talking, just like before that to.

i dont want comments, i dont want to hear anyones "get over it" speaches. I dont want to hear "you'll get better" thats what ive been telling myself and it doesnt do me any good. If you've got nice things to say go for it. But other shit, i dont want to hear it.

im such a good faker, faking smiles, faking okness, faking i dont care, faking my day to day life. I hate this shit