Leaving Catholic, pt 2
This process of extricating myself from the Catholic church is more difficult than I expected, particularly because it's driving a wedge between me and J. I don't know how to stop it and wish I had someone to talk to about it.
Despite the fact that Adam says he believes in multiple gods, and Logan says he doesn't believe in any organized religion, J says that everyone in the family but me still wanted to be attending the first church we attended and only I was turned off by the new priest (despite the fact that the church has reportedly lost 30 percent of its members since that new priest's arrival.)
The problem I'm having is that I just can't make myself believe in this. The prayers recited by rote, as if reading from a script, seem completely empty and hollow to me. I don't understand how J or anyone else is able to feel anything personal from those prayers. The rosary is weird and robotic to me, and I found the litanies to the saints downright creepy. I still have a very deep faith, but not in this or in any organized religion.
I don't even know what to do. Am I supposed to go to the Catholic church with J and the kids? Should I go alone to a different church (or opt to stay home)? J says that my negative attitude about church is rubbing off on the kids. Maybe it is. I feel like I'd be a hypocrite if I go with them but I feel like they'll think I'm "bad" if I don't. It's like I can't win either way. This is a really painful process and I wish I didn't feel so alone.
Despite the fact that Adam says he believes in multiple gods, and Logan says he doesn't believe in any organized religion, J says that everyone in the family but me still wanted to be attending the first church we attended and only I was turned off by the new priest (despite the fact that the church has reportedly lost 30 percent of its members since that new priest's arrival.)
The problem I'm having is that I just can't make myself believe in this. The prayers recited by rote, as if reading from a script, seem completely empty and hollow to me. I don't understand how J or anyone else is able to feel anything personal from those prayers. The rosary is weird and robotic to me, and I found the litanies to the saints downright creepy. I still have a very deep faith, but not in this or in any organized religion.
I don't even know what to do. Am I supposed to go to the Catholic church with J and the kids? Should I go alone to a different church (or opt to stay home)? J says that my negative attitude about church is rubbing off on the kids. Maybe it is. I feel like I'd be a hypocrite if I go with them but I feel like they'll think I'm "bad" if I don't. It's like I can't win either way. This is a really painful process and I wish I didn't feel so alone.