Next step
So I finally told J that I'm sure that the Catholic church isn't right for me. There are just too many things about it that I don't believe and too many things that bother me. I've had misgivings even since we were going through the conversion process, and it was only the fact that we had a really great, inspirational priest in that first year that I stuck with it. Ever since he got transferred I'm very clearly aware that there isn't anything else in the church that is good to me. It's been a couple years that I've felt this way and I'm now pretty honest with myself that it's not going to change for me.
J's really happy there and the kids seem to be, so I'm not going to interfere with that. I'm sure I'll attend services with them again, but I'm not feeling like it's likely that I'll go every week anymore and it's something I'll just be doing because it makes them happy, but it won't have religious meaning for me. By being able to distance myself from it and say "I'm not really Catholic" suddenly what the church decides to do doesn't make me feel ashamed.
So tomorrow begins my first time not going to Mass with the rest of them. I've got a long list of other churches I want to check out on my own, to see if any of them feels better to me. Tomorrow morning will be the first one. I'm kind of nervous about it, both since I'll have to go by myself and because I'm really starting to wonder if any place will feel right for me.
J's really happy there and the kids seem to be, so I'm not going to interfere with that. I'm sure I'll attend services with them again, but I'm not feeling like it's likely that I'll go every week anymore and it's something I'll just be doing because it makes them happy, but it won't have religious meaning for me. By being able to distance myself from it and say "I'm not really Catholic" suddenly what the church decides to do doesn't make me feel ashamed.
So tomorrow begins my first time not going to Mass with the rest of them. I've got a long list of other churches I want to check out on my own, to see if any of them feels better to me. Tomorrow morning will be the first one. I'm kind of nervous about it, both since I'll have to go by myself and because I'm really starting to wonder if any place will feel right for me.