(no subject)
I am still happy every day, which is some kind of record. Even when I wake up with a bad fibromyalgia day, feeling like my entire body hurts too much to move, I am still happy overall. The same is true when I feel anxiety about doctor bills I can't pay or the fact that J has to find a new job soon and we'll have to move. It's not that bad things never happen to me anymore; they don't happen to me any less. But I guess I just don't care as much. Life is still good in spite of that.
Last night J and I were talking about the possibility of adding another child to our family in the future, because well, we enjoy kids and we think we're doing a pretty good job with raising them. It's incredibly unlikely we could have another of our own biologically, considering that whole second-vasectomy thing. But well, we got Dylan despite the first vasectomy, so clearly miracles do happen to us. J said "our luck, we'd adopt a baby and then you'd get pregnant again." I laughed and told him that I have come to realize that it does seem like a lot of bad luck stuff happens to us, some of which is our fault, sometimes it's just a random roll of the dice, but now rather than gnashing my teeth over how doomed we are, I just laugh it off. Yeah, maybe we have bad luck. Other than trying to change the things we can control, what can I do about the rest than find it funny? A lot of bad things have happened to us, but we've also had a lot of really amazingly lucky things happen too.
The future is still uncertain and that gives me a lot of anxiety. I really hope we end up in Austin, TX. I admit that the thought of finding a job elsewhere is really intimidating because I keep reading about how bad the job market is everywhere in the country, including for new graduates. J's not a typical new grad because he has a lot of work experience so maybe that will save us. I'm not so good yet at dealing with an unpredictable future. I'm just trying to be hopeful that we'll end up someplace better.
Last night J and I were talking about the possibility of adding another child to our family in the future, because well, we enjoy kids and we think we're doing a pretty good job with raising them. It's incredibly unlikely we could have another of our own biologically, considering that whole second-vasectomy thing. But well, we got Dylan despite the first vasectomy, so clearly miracles do happen to us. J said "our luck, we'd adopt a baby and then you'd get pregnant again." I laughed and told him that I have come to realize that it does seem like a lot of bad luck stuff happens to us, some of which is our fault, sometimes it's just a random roll of the dice, but now rather than gnashing my teeth over how doomed we are, I just laugh it off. Yeah, maybe we have bad luck. Other than trying to change the things we can control, what can I do about the rest than find it funny? A lot of bad things have happened to us, but we've also had a lot of really amazingly lucky things happen too.
The future is still uncertain and that gives me a lot of anxiety. I really hope we end up in Austin, TX. I admit that the thought of finding a job elsewhere is really intimidating because I keep reading about how bad the job market is everywhere in the country, including for new graduates. J's not a typical new grad because he has a lot of work experience so maybe that will save us. I'm not so good yet at dealing with an unpredictable future. I'm just trying to be hopeful that we'll end up someplace better.