Bungled Protocol
Title: Bungled Protocol
Fandom: Honeydew Syndrome
Rating: PG
Length: 1,460
Pairing: Jay/Charles
Summary: Charles dreamed of taking over the world.
Note: Takes place after Chapter 8, Page 2.
Charles dreamed of taking over the world. He really would be the best ruler. A tyrant, even he'd admit it, but a much needed tyrant. Under his iron fist, world peace would happen, lunatics would stop shooting people in the streets, and dogs wouldn't shit in his yard.
Mostly because he wouldn't have an open yard, he'd have a fence, and anyone who stepped foot onto his property unexpected would spontaneously combust.
Only not so spontaneously.
Maybe, if the world cooperated enough while he seized it for his control, he'd put a warning sign on the outskirts of the property.
Or maybe not.
Glowering, Charles looked down at the tell-tail squish, to see--yes, the dog shit under his left sneaker, brown and slimy and fresh. Someone had diarrhea.
If he knew whose dog kept shitting in his yard, he'd give the mutt something to have diarrhea about.
Of course, he mused while he waited along the curb for Metis and Josh to drive up--because Josh, the bastard, had somehow convinced Metis that if Charles wasn't outside waiting, weather disregarded, then he'd taken the buss--he could always just poison every dog in the neighborhood.
Josh pulled up, looking unhappy, which really was a shame because Charles kind of liked Josh, in a you're-a-stupid-jock-who-punched-my-best-friend kind of way.
If he hadn't liked Josh, though, Charles never would have helped get them together. Which they really had needed help with. As much as Charles loved Metis, he could honestly say his best friend was a complete and utter moron.
Metis had only been dating Josh for four days yet had managed to be convinced Josh knew more about Charles' morning rituals than Metis, Charles' best friend since the fifth grade.
Charles regretted ever getting them together, now that he thought about it.
"Hey," Metis greeted, twisting around and shoving his face between the two seats. His boney elbow flung in the air, whacking Josh in the head if his muffled gasp said anything, and landed awkwardly on the driver's seat.
His nose wrinkled, and he sniffed delicately. "What's that smell?" he hissed, hand moving to wave the air in front of his face.
Charles sneered and flopped back in the seat. He shoved his left shoe into Metis' face, only just missing hitting his nose.
"Oh my god, Charles, I hate you!" Metis shrieked, staring at the shoe in question. He had yet to back off though. "That is so gross!" He dissolved into giggles, which he tried to cover up by coughing
Josh, half an eye on the road and half an eye on Metis, chuckled. "Your face, Metis, so funny."
Maybe Josh was all right, then. Charles hadn't passed absolute judgment yet. Besides, Metis would stop being so sickenly complacent once Charles mentioned, "Dude, May, you're completely whipped."
Metis turned around again, only this time not so fully; his nose and mouth hid determinedly behind the seat. He mumbled into the fabric, and Josh's hand drifted out to thread through Metis' hair. They both were completely whipped but at least Metis wasn't hopelessly smitten.
Charles smirked and just stared until Metis caught up with the subject change. His eyes widened, and what bit of his cheeks Charles could see reddened. He snapped back, shaking his head until Josh retreated, and slouched in his seat, brooding.
Charles' bad mood started to disappear.
~~~
Step one of taking over the world, Charles decided in the hallway after his third class, would have to be changed from garner a following to take over people in own life.
Because Metis was still mad at him (which was pretty long for Metis to be mad at him), Josh was now sending him death glares whenever he thought Charles wasn't looking, and it had just come to Charles' attention, when Jay walked past him without so much as glancing at him, that Jay had been ignoring him the entire week.
So, in the spirit of taking over the world, Charles walked up to Jay's locker, where Jay was chatting with that friend of his who had horribly died blue hair. What was with Jay and his friends and bad hair? Not that Jay had really bad hair. Charles had just grown to like it, though, when he went and chopped it all off. But, well, he was getting distracted.
"Why are you ignoring me?"
Jay jumped and turned around, offering him a completely fake smile. "Sorry, I didn't know you were there." Was it just Charles, or was there a tint of attitude to Jay's tone?
Charles smiled slowly. "Is this about the party?"
Jay declined to answer. Apparently it took a lot of concentration to close his locker door.
"You're overreacting," Charles told him because he was feeling generous.
That caught Jay's attention. He snapped his head up. "But you were drunk, and you kissed Metis."
Charles cocked his head. "I'm well aware of that. Your point?"
Jay threw his hands up in the air, and Charles liked that, only then he turned to blue-hair for backup, and Charles rolled his eyes, bored again. At least blue-hair didn't say anything--just gave Jay some I-told-you-so look.
Charles really didn't like Jay's friends. So it was really inconvenient that he couldn't stop himself from liking Jay.
"Well, you know," Jay stuttered, turning his head to look back at Charles. Who just about cringed at the sound of his pathetically unsure voice, until he noticed that blue-hair was doing the same thing, and he really didn't want to do the same thing as one of Jay's friend's, so he refrained himself.
"You know, when people are drunk they do what they really want to do. Or say what they feel," he trailed off at the end, squinting at something--more likely nothing--over Charles' shoulder.
A long silence filled the air between them, and Jay started to shift.
"My deepest apologies," Charles mocked. "I wasn't aware you'd rather me kiss you drunk than sober."
A deep flush coated Jay's cheeks. "But you never kissed me at all!"
It still wasn't what Charles wanted from Jay, but he looked kind of irresistible, his face all screwed up in confusion and incredulity--he was deliciously fed-up, and this was the most direct Jay had ever been with him, so Charles gave in.
"Well, if that's what you want all you have to do is say so."
Jay spluttered.
Charles had more than once been compared to a cat. Toying with his food before attacking.
Charles grabbed the back of Jay's neck and reeled him in. Their mouths kind of smashed together, and it might have been worse than Charles' kiss with Metis, considering the pain and Jay being too stunned to do much more than just stand there with his mouth open, and blue-hair was rolling his eyes in a decidedly disapproving manner, but Jay tasted like mint, not cigarettes, and Charles had wanted to do this, so it was worth it. He even refrained from mocking Jay for his nonexistent kissing skills.
Feeling inordinately better, Charles sauntered down the hallway to his next class.
~~~
Step one: take over people in own life was working fairly smoothly and damn near completion.
Step two: garner a following.
Charles groaned. For this to be easy, he'd have to be nice.
Step two was going to be hard, Charles decided. Hitler had gone pretty far without being nice. Charles was smarter than Hitler ever had been.
"What're you thinking about?" Metis asked, slurping on the milkshake Charles had bought him just to shut him up.
"How to take over the world."
Metis hummed. "You could buy everyone milkshakes."
Charles lifted an eyebrow. "Too expensive."
"And make them addicting, so everyone'll do whatever you say for more."
Charles shook his head and draped his arm around Metis' shoulders, tuning back into the obscenely boring movie. "That'll only work if everyone in the world happens to be named Metis." He sighed long-sufferingly and looked over the top of Metis' head. He seemed to be making his milkshake sway to the melodramatic music playing on the TV.
"At this rate you'll be my only crony."
Metis' elbow landed in Charles' side, and he harrumphed, jerking away so he ended up sprawled on the floor, his head propped up on the nightstand and hurting. Charles would never underestimate Metis and the danger that was his boney elbows ever again. All the power to Josh, who Charles saw getting lethal elbows flung at him on a regular basis.
"I am not a crony!" Metis wailed, but he ruined the effect by slurping on his milkshake and climbing off his bed to curl against Charles' side again.
"Besides," Metis said after a few minutes, "Jay's your crony too."
"Lovely. Two utterly useless cronies." But he smiled.
Fandom: Honeydew Syndrome
Rating: PG
Length: 1,460
Pairing: Jay/Charles
Summary: Charles dreamed of taking over the world.
Note: Takes place after Chapter 8, Page 2.
Charles dreamed of taking over the world. He really would be the best ruler. A tyrant, even he'd admit it, but a much needed tyrant. Under his iron fist, world peace would happen, lunatics would stop shooting people in the streets, and dogs wouldn't shit in his yard.
Mostly because he wouldn't have an open yard, he'd have a fence, and anyone who stepped foot onto his property unexpected would spontaneously combust.
Only not so spontaneously.
Maybe, if the world cooperated enough while he seized it for his control, he'd put a warning sign on the outskirts of the property.
Or maybe not.
Glowering, Charles looked down at the tell-tail squish, to see--yes, the dog shit under his left sneaker, brown and slimy and fresh. Someone had diarrhea.
If he knew whose dog kept shitting in his yard, he'd give the mutt something to have diarrhea about.
Of course, he mused while he waited along the curb for Metis and Josh to drive up--because Josh, the bastard, had somehow convinced Metis that if Charles wasn't outside waiting, weather disregarded, then he'd taken the buss--he could always just poison every dog in the neighborhood.
Josh pulled up, looking unhappy, which really was a shame because Charles kind of liked Josh, in a you're-a-stupid-jock-who-punched-my-best-friend kind of way.
If he hadn't liked Josh, though, Charles never would have helped get them together. Which they really had needed help with. As much as Charles loved Metis, he could honestly say his best friend was a complete and utter moron.
Metis had only been dating Josh for four days yet had managed to be convinced Josh knew more about Charles' morning rituals than Metis, Charles' best friend since the fifth grade.
Charles regretted ever getting them together, now that he thought about it.
"Hey," Metis greeted, twisting around and shoving his face between the two seats. His boney elbow flung in the air, whacking Josh in the head if his muffled gasp said anything, and landed awkwardly on the driver's seat.
His nose wrinkled, and he sniffed delicately. "What's that smell?" he hissed, hand moving to wave the air in front of his face.
Charles sneered and flopped back in the seat. He shoved his left shoe into Metis' face, only just missing hitting his nose.
"Oh my god, Charles, I hate you!" Metis shrieked, staring at the shoe in question. He had yet to back off though. "That is so gross!" He dissolved into giggles, which he tried to cover up by coughing
Josh, half an eye on the road and half an eye on Metis, chuckled. "Your face, Metis, so funny."
Maybe Josh was all right, then. Charles hadn't passed absolute judgment yet. Besides, Metis would stop being so sickenly complacent once Charles mentioned, "Dude, May, you're completely whipped."
Metis turned around again, only this time not so fully; his nose and mouth hid determinedly behind the seat. He mumbled into the fabric, and Josh's hand drifted out to thread through Metis' hair. They both were completely whipped but at least Metis wasn't hopelessly smitten.
Charles smirked and just stared until Metis caught up with the subject change. His eyes widened, and what bit of his cheeks Charles could see reddened. He snapped back, shaking his head until Josh retreated, and slouched in his seat, brooding.
Charles' bad mood started to disappear.
~~~
Step one of taking over the world, Charles decided in the hallway after his third class, would have to be changed from garner a following to take over people in own life.
Because Metis was still mad at him (which was pretty long for Metis to be mad at him), Josh was now sending him death glares whenever he thought Charles wasn't looking, and it had just come to Charles' attention, when Jay walked past him without so much as glancing at him, that Jay had been ignoring him the entire week.
So, in the spirit of taking over the world, Charles walked up to Jay's locker, where Jay was chatting with that friend of his who had horribly died blue hair. What was with Jay and his friends and bad hair? Not that Jay had really bad hair. Charles had just grown to like it, though, when he went and chopped it all off. But, well, he was getting distracted.
"Why are you ignoring me?"
Jay jumped and turned around, offering him a completely fake smile. "Sorry, I didn't know you were there." Was it just Charles, or was there a tint of attitude to Jay's tone?
Charles smiled slowly. "Is this about the party?"
Jay declined to answer. Apparently it took a lot of concentration to close his locker door.
"You're overreacting," Charles told him because he was feeling generous.
That caught Jay's attention. He snapped his head up. "But you were drunk, and you kissed Metis."
Charles cocked his head. "I'm well aware of that. Your point?"
Jay threw his hands up in the air, and Charles liked that, only then he turned to blue-hair for backup, and Charles rolled his eyes, bored again. At least blue-hair didn't say anything--just gave Jay some I-told-you-so look.
Charles really didn't like Jay's friends. So it was really inconvenient that he couldn't stop himself from liking Jay.
"Well, you know," Jay stuttered, turning his head to look back at Charles. Who just about cringed at the sound of his pathetically unsure voice, until he noticed that blue-hair was doing the same thing, and he really didn't want to do the same thing as one of Jay's friend's, so he refrained himself.
"You know, when people are drunk they do what they really want to do. Or say what they feel," he trailed off at the end, squinting at something--more likely nothing--over Charles' shoulder.
A long silence filled the air between them, and Jay started to shift.
"My deepest apologies," Charles mocked. "I wasn't aware you'd rather me kiss you drunk than sober."
A deep flush coated Jay's cheeks. "But you never kissed me at all!"
It still wasn't what Charles wanted from Jay, but he looked kind of irresistible, his face all screwed up in confusion and incredulity--he was deliciously fed-up, and this was the most direct Jay had ever been with him, so Charles gave in.
"Well, if that's what you want all you have to do is say so."
Jay spluttered.
Charles had more than once been compared to a cat. Toying with his food before attacking.
Charles grabbed the back of Jay's neck and reeled him in. Their mouths kind of smashed together, and it might have been worse than Charles' kiss with Metis, considering the pain and Jay being too stunned to do much more than just stand there with his mouth open, and blue-hair was rolling his eyes in a decidedly disapproving manner, but Jay tasted like mint, not cigarettes, and Charles had wanted to do this, so it was worth it. He even refrained from mocking Jay for his nonexistent kissing skills.
Feeling inordinately better, Charles sauntered down the hallway to his next class.
~~~
Step one: take over people in own life was working fairly smoothly and damn near completion.
Step two: garner a following.
Charles groaned. For this to be easy, he'd have to be nice.
Step two was going to be hard, Charles decided. Hitler had gone pretty far without being nice. Charles was smarter than Hitler ever had been.
"What're you thinking about?" Metis asked, slurping on the milkshake Charles had bought him just to shut him up.
"How to take over the world."
Metis hummed. "You could buy everyone milkshakes."
Charles lifted an eyebrow. "Too expensive."
"And make them addicting, so everyone'll do whatever you say for more."
Charles shook his head and draped his arm around Metis' shoulders, tuning back into the obscenely boring movie. "That'll only work if everyone in the world happens to be named Metis." He sighed long-sufferingly and looked over the top of Metis' head. He seemed to be making his milkshake sway to the melodramatic music playing on the TV.
"At this rate you'll be my only crony."
Metis' elbow landed in Charles' side, and he harrumphed, jerking away so he ended up sprawled on the floor, his head propped up on the nightstand and hurting. Charles would never underestimate Metis and the danger that was his boney elbows ever again. All the power to Josh, who Charles saw getting lethal elbows flung at him on a regular basis.
"I am not a crony!" Metis wailed, but he ruined the effect by slurping on his milkshake and climbing off his bed to curl against Charles' side again.
"Besides," Metis said after a few minutes, "Jay's your crony too."
"Lovely. Two utterly useless cronies." But he smiled.